DEAR ABBY: You are a champion of the unsung hero, and I would like to bring to your attention the wonderful people who work the crisis telephone lines. Those selfless men and women provide an ear to those who think no one is listening, a word of praise to depressed callers, or sometimes just a shoulder to cry on. They give of their own time to listen without judging, and provide emergency referrals when necessary. Those caring individuals deserve far more praise than mere words can convey.

Please, Abby, thank them for me and all of the others who have been uplifted or saved by them. They have saved my life more than once. -- GRATEFUL CALLER IN FLORIDA

DEAR GRATEFUL: With extended families so widely dispersed these days that they barely know one another, crisis lines are often the only lifeline for those in distress. We should all be thankful for the generous, compassionate people who give of themselves to those in desperate need of help or someone to talk to. Bless them for the vital work they do.

DEAR ABBY: In regard to the letter from "Country Gal From Sacramento," who wrote about children wearing name tags while visiting a petting zoo, I submit this scenario:

One summer several neighborhood moms and I decided to take our children to Grant's Farm, a beautiful game preserve here in St. Louis. We wound up with four moms and 10 kids.

I had just finished sewing a brightly colored, striped sundress, so I wore it that day and gave each child a square of my dress fabric, which we safety-pinned to their shirts. You had better believe everyone could see immediately who those kids belonged to.

We had enjoyed the park for about an hour when an employee walked my 6-year-old up to me and said, "I believe he belongs to you." Abby, I hadn't even realized he was missing! But the incident had a happy ending, thanks to my method of keeping tabs on the kids. -- LOST AND FOUND MOM

DEAR MOM: Your solution was unique. As I stated in my original reply, the idea of small children walking around public places wearing name tags makes me uneasy.

P.S. Another reader suggested that when teachers take students on field trips, the teacher's name should be placed on the name tag, or the number of the bus that provided the transportation.

DEAR ABBY: I had a thought after reading the letter from "Feeling Alone in the Office." He complained about his co-worker, "Maury," who can't seem to stop talking to his office mates and customers. It is possible that Maury is an adult with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). If he has ADHD, it would explain why he has trouble controlling his behavior.

If "Feeling Alone" works for a company with medical benefits or an employee assistance plan, perhaps Maury could be evaluated and get some real help. -- PARENT OF A CHILD WITH ADHD

DEAR PARENT: That the man could be an adult with ADHD never occurred to me. It is also possible that he is simply a compulsive talker. Whatever the cause, I agree it wouldn't hurt for him to be evaluated, if he is open to it.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently visited my "Aunt Selma" in North Carolina. I used to consider her a wonderful person until I found out what she has been up to.

One of Aunt Selma's neighbors pays her to follow her husband and a neighbor lady. (I'll call her Nona.) The wife thinks that Nona and her husband are having an affair. My aunt follows them occasionally, and afterward she calls the man's wife and lies to her. She makes up things she thinks the wife wants to hear.

When I asked Aunt Selma why she does this, she said she isn't going to give up good money to tell this woman the truth -- that there's nothing between the husband and the neighbor!

I used to think Aunt Selma was a respectable person. Now I see her as a money-grubber. She constantly lies to this woman about things her husband and Nona are doing, when in fact Nona is in the house alone watching television.

I have a feeling Aunt Selma is going to get hurt one day for making up all those stories about the husband and her neighbor.

I know the people involved. Should I tell them what's going on? -- STEAMED NIECE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR STEAMED: I think you should. It could go a long way toward healing a troubled marriage.

When Aunt Selma's vicious money-making scheme comes to an end, suggest that she devote her spare time to taking a creative writing class. With her imagination, she could earn a legitimate living writing romance novels. (Shame on her!)

DEAR ABBY: Would you please put out the word to insensitive people that just because you reach a certain age, it doesn't mean you have to retire? My husband enjoys his job, but is always hounded about when he's going to retire. Because people are 64 or 65 doesn't mean they have to sit down and do nothing. I consider it an insult to be constantly asked when we're going to stop. It's as if they are saying we are old.

I know too many people who sit around waiting to die. Just because a time was set, years ago, for drawing Social Security, that's no reason people have to stop doing what they enjoy. I don't understand why people ask such personal questions. It's a real turn-off. It's as if they're implying that we haven't wisely managed our finances, planned ahead or invested wisely -- which we have. We are active people, younger than our age in many ways.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I'd be grateful if you would print this for the world to see. -- OFFENDED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR OFFENDED: You're welcome.

Those who assume that folks in their mid-60s who continue working do so because it's necessary may be not only barking up the wrong tree, but also relying on outdated information. In recognition of the fact that our population is living longer and in better health than a generation ago, there are now financial incentives for people to remain in the workplace until age 70. Also, it shouldn't be lost on anyone that people who are successful in their careers and enjoy what they are doing are often unwilling to "hang it up" simply because they've reached a "magic number."

When people tell me they are planning to retire, my first question is always, "Retire to what?" It's vital to stay mentally and physically active -- or old age WILL set in! That's why I have always considered "retirement" a dirty word.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Youth sporting events are supposed to be fun. Unfortunately, many parents and fans of amateur sports don't realize that their actions, whether verbal or nonverbal, have a lasting, emotional effect on children.

The National Youth Sports Safety Foundation (NYSSF) is aware of the harmful effects of emotional abuse on children in sports and has come up with a Code of Conduct. It is available on our Web site: www.nyssf.org. Abby, would you please print it so every parent and coach in the country will see it? -- MICHELLE KLEIN, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, NYSSF

DEAR MICHELLE: I'm pleased to share your Code of Conduct with my readers. Speaking as someone who's old enough to remember when youth sports were supposed to be fun for the kids instead of emotional outlets for their parents, I hope the code will be taken to heart. Read on:

CODE OF CONDUCT FOR CHILDREN'S SPORTING EVENTS

(1) I will not force my child to participate in sports.

(2) I will remember that children participate to have fun, and that the game is for youth, not adults.

(3) I will inform the coach of any physical disability or ailment that may affect the safety of my child or the safety of others.

(4) I will learn the rules of the game and the policies of the league.

(5) I (and my guests) will be positive role models for my child, and encourage sportsmanship by showing respect and courtesy -- and by demonstrating positive support for all players, coaches, officials and spectators at every game, practice or other sporting event.

(6) I (and my guests) will not engage in any unsportsmanlike conduct with any official, coach, player or parent, such as booing and taunting, refusing to shake hands, or using profane language or gestures.

(7) I will not encourage any behaviors or practices that would endanger the health and well-being of the athletes.

(8) I will teach my child to play by the rules and to resolve conflicts without resorting to hostility or violence.

(9) I will demand that my child treat other players, coaches, officials and spectators with respect regardless of race, creed, color, sex or ability.

(10) I will teach my child that doing one's best is more important than winning, so that my child will never feel defeated by the outcome of a game or his/her performance.

(11) I will praise my child for competing fairly and trying hard, and make my child feel like a winner every time.

(12) I will never ridicule or yell at my child or other participant for making a mistake or losing a competition.

(13) I will emphasize skill development and practices, and how they benefit my child, over winning. I will also de-emphasize games and competition in the lower age groups.

(14) I will promote the emotional and physical well-being of the athletes ahead of any personal desire I may have for my child to win.

(15) I will respect the officials and their authority during games and will never question, discuss or confront coaches at the game field, and will take time to speak with coaches at an agreed-upon time and place.

(16) I will demand a sports environment for my child that is free from drugs, tobacco and alcohol, and I will refrain from their use at all sports events.

(17) I will refrain from coaching my child or other players during games and practices unless I am an official coach.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)