DEAR ABBY: In your reply to "Worried Neighbor," you asked that the couple who found the neighbor peeping not tell his wife. As the wife of a Peeping Tom, let me tell you the kindest thing they could do would be to tell her. This behavior becomes riskier and riskier in order to achieve the same thrill. With therapy, the couple may be able to salvage their marriage and his self-respect. But, like all addictions, only when he reaches bottom will he get the help he needs. Please reconsider and suggest that they tell the wife.

Please do not reveal my name or location. It has been 15 years since my husband acted out, and our children are unaware of his past. -- BEEN THERE

DEAR BEEN THERE: I advised the neighbor to inform the woman who was being victimized as well as the police -- but not the wife -- out of concern that the wife would go into denial if she heard it from a neighbor. I felt she would have more difficulty denying it if she heard it from the police. Please read on:

DEAR ABBY: My letter is in response to the one in your column about the Peeping Tom. Your advice was 100 percent correct. My first husband was a Peeping Tom. If someone had told me about my husband, I wouldn't have believed him or her and probably would have gotten angry with that person.

My husband was well thought of, and you can't imagine that someone you love and admire would be capable of doing something like that. He lied so convincingly about why he was late -- and even when he was eventually arrested -- I not only believed him, but most people other than the police did too.

Abby, Peeping Toms do not get over it. They just get worse. They think there is nothing wrong with them.

We were trying to have another baby when he was arrested the first time. Naturally we put it off until the trial was over. Can you believe he was only fined for trespassing? The witnesses were a policeman and a minister, but the jury believed my husband. He explained it away.

My husband was arrested three times in our 12-year marriage for peeping. I finally had to face facts. When I did, I had a nervous breakdown.

He married again, molested his stepdaughters and was sent to prison. He could have gotten out on probation after he served a couple of years if he had agreed to have therapy. He chose to stay in prison rather than seek help because he insisted there wasn't anything wrong with him.

If you print this, please do not use my name. It has been 25 years since I left him, but I remember the shame and disbelief as if it were yesterday. Even today some people think it was all a mistake. -- TRUSTING WIFE IN TEXAS

DEAR TRUSTING WIFE: Thank you for relating your personal experience. Others can learn from it. The problem with getting hooked on danger -- and this can apply to things other than peeping -- is that increasingly stronger doses are required to satisfy the addict.

P.S. I was curious about where the term "Peeping Tom" originated. According to the Webster's Deluxe Encyclopedic Edition of the English Language, it originated in the 11th century. When Lady Godiva rode naked through the streets of Coventry on a dare from her husband, Leofric, Earl of Mercia, to obtain a reduction in taxes, everyone averted their eyes from the lady except for one man named Tom, who became the first "Peeping Tom."

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old woman living in my parents' home. We have a male friend, 10 years older than I am, who is the caretaker of a campground we visit during the summer.

Last fall he invited me to visit with him at the campground. When I told my mother about my weekend plans, she seemed OK with it at first. The next morning, she told me she and my father had discussed it and didn't think it was appropriate for me to go there alone because he lives by himself in a secluded area. She felt we don't know him well enough, and we couldn't be sure what he was thinking.

I did go to see him, but only for the day. Since January, I have been talking to him on the phone trying to get to know him better. I think he's trustworthy. I'm sure he has strong moral values and religious beliefs. He has always shown respect for my parents and me.

He has invited me to visit again. When I mentioned it, my mother said she would be more comfortable with the idea if my younger brother and his girlfriend chaperoned me.

Abby, I think I can trust him. I'm quite sure I can handle myself. But Mother would rather I drive six hours round-trip in one day instead of spending the night in his guest house.

I would like to explore this relationship a little further -- I think something good could come of it. How can I cut the umbilical cord without causing a fuss? If my mother doesn't let go, I may never find anyone she feels is good enough for me. -- WANTS FREEDOM FROM THE APRON STRINGS

DEAR WANTS FREEDOM: Accept the fact that at this late date you probably can't cut the apron strings without a fuss, so prepare yourself for one. Begin checking the classifieds for an apartment so you can live independently and enjoy the freedom that a woman your age should have. If you don't, you'll find yourself your parents' little girl at 50.

Inform your parents that you neither need nor want a chaperone, then visit your friend. At your age, you owe no explanations or apologies to anyone for doing so.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 42-year-old divorced woman who works in a hospital. I am attracted to a doctor who is also divorced. I think he is attracted to me, too. Sometimes he comes into my department to do some of his paperwork. He sits by my desk and talks to me (and forgets to do his paperwork). My co-workers tease me, saying he comes into our office to flirt with me.

I have fallen for him. I look forward to running into him in the halls or in the cafeteria. We also work out at the same fitness center. If a day goes by that I don't see him, I feel an emptiness in my chest. The problem is, we are both shy. I am tempted to say something, but I don't know what to say -- and I don't want to make a fool of myself.

Abby, how can I know for sure that he's interested in me? Is there anything I can do? -- SHY AND IN LOVE IN LOUISIANA

DEAR SHY: To make a move at the hospital where the balance of power is unequal might be unwise. However, when you see him at the fitness center, ask the doc: What's up? -- and would he like to grab a bite or have coffee with you after you've finished your workout. Good luck.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column for more than 40 years. My father's time was always tight because he had many responsibilities, but there was always lots of quality time. Instead of storybooks, he would read your column in the newspaper with me and my siblings. We loved answering the questions and then seeing if we agreed or disagreed with your answers.

Dad is gone now, and I miss him and need him. You could help to fill that void if you would reprint on Father's Day the beautiful poem, "I Had a Father Who Talked With Me," by Hilda Bigelow. It is a source of inspiration and guidance for active fathers. -- CHRIS KURTEK-MELCHIORRE, LOS ANGELES

DEAR CHRIS: That's a wonderful suggestion. The last time the poem appeared in my column was in 1993. Its author, who lives in Cocoa, Fla., described herself as "just a retired schoolteacher." I'm sure you'll agree that she's not only modest, but also an able writer. Read on:

I HAD A FATHER WHO TALKED TO ME

I had a father who talked with me --

Allowed me the right to disagree,

To question -- and always answered me,

As well he could -- and truthfully.

He talked of adventures; horrors of war;

Of life, its meaning; what love was for;

How each would always need to strive

To improve the world to keep it alive.

Stressed the duty we owe one another

To be aware each man is a brother.

Words for laughter he also spoke,

A silly song or a happy joke.

Time runs along, some say I'm wise,

That I look at life with seeing eyes.

My heart is happy, my mind is free,

I had a father who talked with me.

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from Victoria Rowell and Alonzo Mourning about foster children, I couldn't help but wipe away the tears. I never dreamed that so many children are in need of a caring adult's love and guidance.

You mentioned mentoring in your reply. I am very interested in mentoring a child. While I am unable to provide full-time care to a foster child, I know I could mentor one -- or even two. Where can I find information about doing this? How can I connect with a child who needs what I have to offer? -- WANTS TO HELP IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR WANTS TO HELP: Bless you for your caring heart. I know there must be many people who cannot be full-time foster parents, but who could manage a couple of days a month to bond with a child and provide the kind of encouragement that will enable the child to strive for success.

Mentoring doesn't have to be a big production; take a child to the zoo, a sporting event, an art gallery, into your home and into your heart. These are children who, through no fault of their own, often float from place to place. They have no adult figure to give them a continuity of caring. They need an adult they can trust and confide in, to steer them in the right direction, and rekindle the belief that success is possible and that goals are worth aspiring to.

Readers, those of you who would like to mentor a foster child should call 1-888-432-MENTor (1-888-432-6368), which is sponsored by "Children Uniting Nations," to locate a program in your local area. (Note: For the safety of the children, all applicants are rigorously screened.) If you qualify, I guarantee you'll receive more than you give when you see that child blossom.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)