DEAR ABBY: I dated a childhood friend for five years, and I felt very safe with him. However, last December, he drugged my wine and raped me. I am 24 years old and would have been careful around someone I didn't know so well, but I never suspected anyone I knew would do such a horrible thing.

His mother still refuses to believe he raped me. Rather than doubt that a son could do such a thing, a parent should encourage the young man to get counseling. Rape is not a harmless "boys will be boys" game -- it is violence.

There are two things I would like to say. To other women: Be very careful of whom you are alone with no matter how well you think you know the man, and watch your drink at all times.

To friends and parents of the rapist: When a woman says she has been raped, please believe her. Most women will not put themselves through the painful experience of telling people they have been raped unless it is true.

Abby, I don't blame myself for what happened, but I wish I had been more aware and less trusting. -- SURVIVOR IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR SURVIVOR: Having known the man since childhood, there was no reason not to trust him. You could not have foreseen that he would criminally violate you. According to studies cited by Gail Abarbanel, president of The Rape Foundation in Santa Monica, Calif., 80 percent of rapes are committed by someone the woman knows. Although acquaintance rape is often questioned, women MUST report such crimes to the authorities. A woman has a right to say no to sex, and when a man denies her the right to say no by slipping her drugs or forcing her, he is committing a criminal act. If the victim doesn't report him, he will be free to rape again.

I urge you to report your childhood friend's crime to the authorities to stop him from violating another woman as he did you.

DEAR ABBY: I am disturbed by the way some people categorize others. I will use myself as an example.

I have eight piercings in one ear -- none in the other -- and a tongue ring. (I also have a couple of tattoos, but they are not visible.) Right away, people put me in the "freak" category. What they do not know is that I am the mother of a beautiful 5-month-old girl. I am totally responsible for her and work very hard to give her a "normal" life without a father.

I need a job, and when I am on interviews, everything goes great until they notice my tongue ring. Then the interviewer's attitude changes completely.

People have different ways of showing their individualism, Abby. For some, it's through art, clothes, hairstyles, etc. I won't say I never "judge a book by its cover," but I try not to. I wish employers would take the time to get to know people before they judge them. -- OUT-OF-WORK MOM

DEAR OUT-OF-WORK: First impressions do count. Most employers are conservative and expect a certain amount of conformity from prospective employees. Before your next interview, remove the tongue ring. In time -- once you've proven yourself to be a valuable employee -- perhaps you can start revealing more of your individualism in stages. Good luck.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In your reply to "Worried Neighbor," you asked that the couple who found the neighbor peeping not tell his wife. As the wife of a Peeping Tom, let me tell you the kindest thing they could do would be to tell her. This behavior becomes riskier and riskier in order to achieve the same thrill. With therapy, the couple may be able to salvage their marriage and his self-respect. But, like all addictions, only when he reaches bottom will he get the help he needs. Please reconsider and suggest that they tell the wife.

Please do not reveal my name or location. It has been 15 years since my husband acted out, and our children are unaware of his past. -- BEEN THERE

DEAR BEEN THERE: I advised the neighbor to inform the woman who was being victimized as well as the police -- but not the wife -- out of concern that the wife would go into denial if she heard it from a neighbor. I felt she would have more difficulty denying it if she heard it from the police. Please read on:

DEAR ABBY: My letter is in response to the one in your column about the Peeping Tom. Your advice was 100 percent correct. My first husband was a Peeping Tom. If someone had told me about my husband, I wouldn't have believed him or her and probably would have gotten angry with that person.

My husband was well thought of, and you can't imagine that someone you love and admire would be capable of doing something like that. He lied so convincingly about why he was late -- and even when he was eventually arrested -- I not only believed him, but most people other than the police did too.

Abby, Peeping Toms do not get over it. They just get worse. They think there is nothing wrong with them.

We were trying to have another baby when he was arrested the first time. Naturally we put it off until the trial was over. Can you believe he was only fined for trespassing? The witnesses were a policeman and a minister, but the jury believed my husband. He explained it away.

My husband was arrested three times in our 12-year marriage for peeping. I finally had to face facts. When I did, I had a nervous breakdown.

He married again, molested his stepdaughters and was sent to prison. He could have gotten out on probation after he served a couple of years if he had agreed to have therapy. He chose to stay in prison rather than seek help because he insisted there wasn't anything wrong with him.

If you print this, please do not use my name. It has been 25 years since I left him, but I remember the shame and disbelief as if it were yesterday. Even today some people think it was all a mistake. -- TRUSTING WIFE IN TEXAS

DEAR TRUSTING WIFE: Thank you for relating your personal experience. Others can learn from it. The problem with getting hooked on danger -- and this can apply to things other than peeping -- is that increasingly stronger doses are required to satisfy the addict.

P.S. I was curious about where the term "Peeping Tom" originated. According to the Webster's Deluxe Encyclopedic Edition of the English Language, it originated in the 11th century. When Lady Godiva rode naked through the streets of Coventry on a dare from her husband, Leofric, Earl of Mercia, to obtain a reduction in taxes, everyone averted their eyes from the lady except for one man named Tom, who became the first "Peeping Tom."

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old woman living in my parents' home. We have a male friend, 10 years older than I am, who is the caretaker of a campground we visit during the summer.

Last fall he invited me to visit with him at the campground. When I told my mother about my weekend plans, she seemed OK with it at first. The next morning, she told me she and my father had discussed it and didn't think it was appropriate for me to go there alone because he lives by himself in a secluded area. She felt we don't know him well enough, and we couldn't be sure what he was thinking.

I did go to see him, but only for the day. Since January, I have been talking to him on the phone trying to get to know him better. I think he's trustworthy. I'm sure he has strong moral values and religious beliefs. He has always shown respect for my parents and me.

He has invited me to visit again. When I mentioned it, my mother said she would be more comfortable with the idea if my younger brother and his girlfriend chaperoned me.

Abby, I think I can trust him. I'm quite sure I can handle myself. But Mother would rather I drive six hours round-trip in one day instead of spending the night in his guest house.

I would like to explore this relationship a little further -- I think something good could come of it. How can I cut the umbilical cord without causing a fuss? If my mother doesn't let go, I may never find anyone she feels is good enough for me. -- WANTS FREEDOM FROM THE APRON STRINGS

DEAR WANTS FREEDOM: Accept the fact that at this late date you probably can't cut the apron strings without a fuss, so prepare yourself for one. Begin checking the classifieds for an apartment so you can live independently and enjoy the freedom that a woman your age should have. If you don't, you'll find yourself your parents' little girl at 50.

Inform your parents that you neither need nor want a chaperone, then visit your friend. At your age, you owe no explanations or apologies to anyone for doing so.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 42-year-old divorced woman who works in a hospital. I am attracted to a doctor who is also divorced. I think he is attracted to me, too. Sometimes he comes into my department to do some of his paperwork. He sits by my desk and talks to me (and forgets to do his paperwork). My co-workers tease me, saying he comes into our office to flirt with me.

I have fallen for him. I look forward to running into him in the halls or in the cafeteria. We also work out at the same fitness center. If a day goes by that I don't see him, I feel an emptiness in my chest. The problem is, we are both shy. I am tempted to say something, but I don't know what to say -- and I don't want to make a fool of myself.

Abby, how can I know for sure that he's interested in me? Is there anything I can do? -- SHY AND IN LOVE IN LOUISIANA

DEAR SHY: To make a move at the hospital where the balance of power is unequal might be unwise. However, when you see him at the fitness center, ask the doc: What's up? -- and would he like to grab a bite or have coffee with you after you've finished your workout. Good luck.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)