DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 10 years. We have three beautiful children under the age of 8.

Two years ago, "Curt" lost his wedding ring. One year ago, he had an affair with a co-worker. Curt realized the affair was a mistake and decided to come back. I was willing, but asked that he get a new wedding ring to show his recommitment to our marriage.

It has now been 10 months since his return, but he still has not gotten a new ring. I even asked him to get one for himself as my Christmas present -- and still no ring.

Abby, I don't feel I can trust him. He says I am "blowing this out of proportion," and that he is committed. In counseling he brushes it off as, "I know ... I know ..."

I love Curt very much, but wonder if I should be with someone who not only hurt me but shrugs off my one request for closure and healing.

Am I making a big deal out of nothing, Abby? What do you think? -- HURT AND UNSURE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HURT AND UNSURE: I don't think you're making a big deal out of nothing. I'm pleased the two of you are in counseling together, because that's where you need to be. Although you have reconciled, for some reason your hubby hasn't fully recommitted himself to the marriage. During your next session, ask him what a wedding ring symbolizes to him, and why he's stalling. Then be very quiet and listen.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl in the eighth grade. I saw an interesting article in the newspaper this morning about bullying and how to stop it. All I could do was laugh. Those adults think they know how to stop it and what it's like, but quite frankly, they don't.

I know from experience how it feels to be harassed. I'm not exactly what you'd call skinny (I'm sort of muscular), and I wear baggy clothes. I am called "butch," "Sheeva" (a Mortal Combat character who is very muscular) and "Incredible Hulk." I am the target of a lot of hate, and it hurts badly.

I am writing because the newspaper article gave "tips" on how to stop the bullying. I don't know a single kid my age who would use any of them. They suggested saying, "You're trying awfully hard to upset me. When you do this you feel good. You feel powerful." Nobody I know would ever say something like that.

Sometimes ignoring the bully works, but it can also lead to fights. You could get right up into the bully's face. More fighting. No matter what you do, you can't stop it. It's usually the bully's home life that causes it. People say it's because of low self-esteem, but that's not usually the reason kids bully here in Delaware. They do it because they think it's FUNNY.

Abby, please print this so other kids who are being victimized by bullies will remember that they are beautiful -- maybe not to the bullies, but in their own way. -- BULLIED IN DELAWARE

DEAR BULLIED: Thank you for your honest letter. I am sorry you have been victimized by schoolyard bullies.

Bullying is not funny. There should be zero tolerance for this type of behavior by students, teachers and administrators. Bullying is destructive. Systematic harassment can lead to violence, as evidenced by the shooting sprees of students who were isolated and bullied to intolerable levels. More must be done to eradicate this abuse so that all students can pursue their education in a safe environment.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am almost 14 and live in a foster home. Before I entered foster care, I didn't think much about other kids and teens in foster homes. Now that I'm the one with the title "foster kid," I see everything in a new light. Although foster homes are a blessing to most kids who live troubled lives, it's still very hard to endure. If there is one thing I hate about being a foster child, it is feeling different from others in my new neighborhood and school.

My message to your readers is: If there's a foster child you know, please reach out to him or her. We're not different from the rest of you.

Thank you for your time, Abby. Please share this with your readers. -- NAMELESS IN OREGON

DEAR NAMELESS: I'm pleased to spread your message. If people are hesitant to reach out to foster children, it may be because they are confused about why the children are in foster care.

Children are placed in foster care not because they have done anything wrong, but because, for whatever reason, their parents have neglected them or cannot provide a safe, nurturing environment for them. It is not the fault of the children. Foster children deserve all the attention, affection and encouragement you can give them. It will be returned a thousandfold.

DEAR ABBY: In response to your recent column about women involved with men who have narcissistic personalities, I thought it might be helpful if your readers could read a description of those personality characteristics. They are listed in the "Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders" published by the American Psychiatric Association. -- BARBARA NESTINGEN, M.S., M.S.W., MILWAUKEE

DEAR BARBARA: I agree that a description of those traits might be helpful. I found them interesting. Read on:

CRITERIA FOR NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER:

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1) A grandiose sense of self-importance -- exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements.

2) Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love.

3) Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions.

4) Requires excessive admiration.

5) A sense of entitlement -- unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.

6) Interpersonally exploitative -- takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.

7) Lacks empathy -- is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.

8) Often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.

9) Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old daughter left her journal open on her bed and, being nosy, I read the page that was open. She had written that she had lost her virginity to her boyfriend.

We have stressed to her how important it is to save herself for marriage, but it looks like she decided not to. She had a friend who just found out she was pregnant three months ago. I can't believe this didn't make my daughter think a little bit more about it.

Should I confront her about what I read, or let it slide? It's tearing me up inside because she was brought up with better values than this.

We have always been very close and she usually talks to me about everything. Well, at least I thought she did. Any advice? -- MISSOURI MOM

DEAR MOM: Your daughter may have left the book open in order to open the door to discussion with you. She probably didn't know how to break the news to you any other way and feared your reaction.

How you deal with this is very important. Do not attack her and do not scold. Talk calmly; tell her you are disappointed and why. Then review why it is important for her to use every precaution if she is going to be sexually active. Use her friend as an example. I suspect your daughter already knows she has gone further than she should have and now regrets it.

DEAR ABBY: The woman I date (I'll call her Earlene) is 62 and owns her own home. She also has a truck that's fully paid for, CDs and an IRA. In other words, she's well-off.

For the last four years we have gone out to eat frequently because she lives alone and so do I. We eat out at least four days a week, breakfast and dinner. In all that time she has picked up the check only five times. Even when I pay, she never leaves a tip. She figures since I'm paying the bill, I should do it.

Earlene is from the old school -- that the man is supposed to do all the paying. I have talked to her about it. It goes in one ear and out the other. I don't believe this is fair, and it is straining our relationship because I'm not as well-off as she is.

What ever happened to equal rights for women and men? Please answer soon. This is an emergency. -- BUSTED BUDGET, ANDOVER, OHIO

DEAR B.B.: If you're asking about the Equal Rights Amendment -- it lost by a narrow margin. Even so, dating rules have changed greatly since your ladyfriend was a girl. It's time to tell the meal server, "Separate checks, please." If Earlene doesn't agree, maybe it's time to go your separate ways.

DEAR ABBY: Although I am a recent reader of your column, I enjoy it daily. Would you kindly assist me with somewhat of an office etiquette dilemma?

Oftentimes in my workplace, women will actually brush their teeth using the public restroom sink. Personally, I think it is totally inappropriate for anyone to do such a thing in a public place, especially rinsing. Could you please share the appropriate rule, if any applies, and assist me in scolding such offenders? -- GROSSED OUT IN BEVERLY HILLS

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Sorry. I respect people who are diligent about their oral hygiene. I see nothing wrong with brushing one's teeth in a public restroom, as long as the sink is rinsed thoroughly after the person is finished.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)