DEAR ABBY: I hope you'll print this and stop an urban legend in its tracks.

A year ago, my husband was handed a copy of a petition at work to sign and pass along. This petition was to stop Madalyn Murray O'Hair. She, as head of an atheist group, was filing a petition to the FCC to stop all religious programming from being aired on television and radio.

Needless to say, I was outraged! And why not? I am a mother and a loyal American who believes wholeheartedly in religious freedom and freedom of the press. I immediately logged on to the Internet and e-mailed this petition to everyone in my address book. Then I made photocopies and mailed them to friends and family who weren't online. I jumped in with both feet to stop Madalyn Murray O'Hair and her group from destroying all that Christians and Americans hold dear.

The only thing I didn't do (at least at first) was check the facts. Had I done so, I would have saved myself a lot of money and time.

The reality is that this petition is just one in a number of urban legends being spread today. Until I typed the name "Madalyn Murray O'Hair" into my search engine, I had no idea that I was not working to stop an atheist from taking away our freedoms, but was instead perpetuating a myth.

Spreading rumors may seem harmless, but it's not. It can cost everyone involved a good chunk of change when you add up the cost of postage, photocopying, stationery and envelopes. It also fuels ignorance and wastes time. The FCC actually had to hire people to handle the flood of mail on this subject.

Abby, I have been sent this petition five times in one year. Can you believe that? Please inform your readers that forwarding e-mail or "snail mail" -- or signing petitions without checking the facts -- is senseless and irresponsible. These "legends" feed on the blind faith of the readers. They rely on the tendency we have to follow our impulses. We should always do our homework before passing anything on, and especially before signing anything. It could save a load of trouble down the line. -- TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES, JOHNSON CITY, TENN.

DEAR T OR C: Amen! I'm praying others will heed your message, because urban legends take on a life of their own if they go unchecked. (The one you mentioned has been around since 1974.)

P.S. Madalyn Murray O'Hair has been dead for over half a decade now. It's time we let her rest in peace.

DEAR ABBY: Here's another nervy "Can you top this?" letter: A well-to-do friend of mine insisted on giving me a retirement party, even though I protested.

The gathering was held at a small local yacht club. When my husband arrived with his camera, the hostess told him to be sure to snap a picture when she presented me with the money tree. Champagne was served. Everyone had a lovely time.

On the way home, I remembered that my friend had not presented me with the money tree. When I wrote her a nice thank-you, I ended by asking what happened to it.

Three weeks later on a piece of business correspondence, she added a line on the bottom that said, "The party cost more than anticipated, so the money tree was used to cover expenses." Needless to say, I am no longer in contact with my "tacky" friend. -- CARLSBAD, CALIF., RETIREE

DEAR CARLSBAD: Your letter is a first. Congratulations! I'm speechless.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Buddy" for 20 years. During the past seven years, we went through some big problems. I used to plead with him to pay more attention to me, but he never felt I was important enough. It's taken me years, but I have finally learned to live my life to the fullest without him.

Well, now all of a sudden Buddy has noticed that I am no longer "crying and clinging" to him. And get this: NOW he wants to be the perfect husband!

Abby, I grew so accustomed to being without Buddy that now I don't know what I want. I still love him, but I don't know if I want to remain in this marriage. The tables have turned, and I feel suffocated by all his sudden attention -- which I used to long for. I don't know what to make of all this. Can you please tell me what you think? -- WIFE WHO CHANGED HER LIFE

DEAR WIFE: Whatever was distracting your husband has come to an end. During his emotional absence you wisely developed other resources.

You and Buddy could benefit from marriage counseling. It will get you both back on the same track -- if that's what you both really want.

DEAR ABBY: I recently began experiencing anxiety attacks. They started so unexpectedly, I didn't realize what was happening to me. I would sweat profusely, become nauseated, and my legs would feel weak and shaky. I went to my family doctor and was checked out, but he found nothing physically wrong.

My health insurance provider gave me the phone number for a mental health hotline. I called and was immediately put in touch with a counselor. I have been seeing the counselor for three weeks, and my attacks are noticeably less severe.

Abby, please advise your readers who suffer from this that they are not alone. There is help out there. Nobody should feel embarrassed about asking for it. Seeing my life through someone else's eyes has made me understand how difficult and stressful this past year has been without my realizing it. -- ON THE ROAD TO RECOVERY IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR ON THE ROAD: I have always considered psychotherapy to be attending the "University of You." The course may be challenging, but it's always informative, and almost everyone can benefit from it.

DEAR ABBY: I am 16 and do not get along well with my mother, mostly because we are so much alike. My problem may seem childish and immature, but my mother goes through EVERYTHING of mine. She routinely goes through my dresser and desk drawers, my backpack and my purse. She gets angry if she finds a journal entry or note to a friend containing a remark about her.

I say she shouldn't be searching through my personal things in the first place. Am I unreasonable to ask for a little privacy? Has she crossed the line, or am I just being overly sensitive? -- NO PRIVACY IN PLANO, TEXAS

DEAR NO PRIVACY: Everyone is entitled to some privacy -- even teen-agers. However, until you reach legal age, your parents are responsible for your health, education and growth. Whether or not your mother has "crossed the line" depends upon the other aspects of your relationship with her. She may go through your things because you don't communicate with her. If you are secretive about what's going on in your life, of course she will pry.

Be smart and earn your privacy the easy way, by volunteering information, being absolutely honest, talking about your friends, your dates, where you're going and when you expect to be home. Try it -- it works.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 10 years. We have three beautiful children under the age of 8.

Two years ago, "Curt" lost his wedding ring. One year ago, he had an affair with a co-worker. Curt realized the affair was a mistake and decided to come back. I was willing, but asked that he get a new wedding ring to show his recommitment to our marriage.

It has now been 10 months since his return, but he still has not gotten a new ring. I even asked him to get one for himself as my Christmas present -- and still no ring.

Abby, I don't feel I can trust him. He says I am "blowing this out of proportion," and that he is committed. In counseling he brushes it off as, "I know ... I know ..."

I love Curt very much, but wonder if I should be with someone who not only hurt me but shrugs off my one request for closure and healing.

Am I making a big deal out of nothing, Abby? What do you think? -- HURT AND UNSURE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HURT AND UNSURE: I don't think you're making a big deal out of nothing. I'm pleased the two of you are in counseling together, because that's where you need to be. Although you have reconciled, for some reason your hubby hasn't fully recommitted himself to the marriage. During your next session, ask him what a wedding ring symbolizes to him, and why he's stalling. Then be very quiet and listen.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl in the eighth grade. I saw an interesting article in the newspaper this morning about bullying and how to stop it. All I could do was laugh. Those adults think they know how to stop it and what it's like, but quite frankly, they don't.

I know from experience how it feels to be harassed. I'm not exactly what you'd call skinny (I'm sort of muscular), and I wear baggy clothes. I am called "butch," "Sheeva" (a Mortal Combat character who is very muscular) and "Incredible Hulk." I am the target of a lot of hate, and it hurts badly.

I am writing because the newspaper article gave "tips" on how to stop the bullying. I don't know a single kid my age who would use any of them. They suggested saying, "You're trying awfully hard to upset me. When you do this you feel good. You feel powerful." Nobody I know would ever say something like that.

Sometimes ignoring the bully works, but it can also lead to fights. You could get right up into the bully's face. More fighting. No matter what you do, you can't stop it. It's usually the bully's home life that causes it. People say it's because of low self-esteem, but that's not usually the reason kids bully here in Delaware. They do it because they think it's FUNNY.

Abby, please print this so other kids who are being victimized by bullies will remember that they are beautiful -- maybe not to the bullies, but in their own way. -- BULLIED IN DELAWARE

DEAR BULLIED: Thank you for your honest letter. I am sorry you have been victimized by schoolyard bullies.

Bullying is not funny. There should be zero tolerance for this type of behavior by students, teachers and administrators. Bullying is destructive. Systematic harassment can lead to violence, as evidenced by the shooting sprees of students who were isolated and bullied to intolerable levels. More must be done to eradicate this abuse so that all students can pursue their education in a safe environment.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)