DEAR ABBY: Five weeks ago, our son and his wife welcomed a baby boy. They asked a close friend to videotape the birth and presented a copy to us and the other grandparents.

The proud parents asked us to wait and view it with them at an appointed time. All along, my husband said he was not interested and would not stay home to watch it. I thought he would relent, but sure enough, he went to a local softball game, leaving me to explain.

My son took it in stride. However, his wife is angry and hurt. I tried to explain that men in my husband's generation were not allowed to be involved in childbirth, which accounts for much of his attitude. My husband has often said, "I was there when my children were conceived -- that's all that counts!" After 35 years of marriage, he is not about to change his opinion.

My daughter-in-law says my husband is rude and thoughtless. My husband refuses to apologize and thinks SHE is acting foolish. Your thoughts, please? -- NEW GRANDMA CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR NEW GRANDMA: While the birth of her first child was a watershed experience in your daughter-in-law's life, it does not give her the right to insist your husband do anything that makes him uncomfortable. If he doesn't want to see her in that position, that's his right. It may be just a little too much "reality TV" for his taste.

DEAR ABBY: I am 12 years old and want to be a model, an actress and a singer.

My mother is a housekeeper. My father is a supervisor in a factory. My aunts and uncles have similar jobs. Well, I don't want to do that. I want to be the next Daisy Fuentes or Cindy Crawford. I want people to know who I am. I don't want to be a "no one" -- I want to be a "someone."

My mother says not to get my hopes up because not too many people get famous. I say I don't care -- I want to risk it. My parents think I might get hurt, but I know I am tough and can handle it.

Abby, what do you think? Should I just forget about my dreams or "go for it"? -- WANTING TO BE A STAR IN ELGIN, ILL.

DEAR WANTING: Don't abandon your dreams. If you don't have dreams, how can they come true?

Take classes in drama, dancing and singing. If they are not offered at your school, ask your parents how you can earn extra money so you can take classes on Saturday. Don't neglect your schoolwork. You'll get even further if you have both brains and talent. There's no doubt in my mind you have the drive and determination to succeed. Good luck!

DEAR ABBY: I am one of your male readers. I'll make this short and sweet. Must I tell my fiancee I was in a mental hospital when I was 19? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: If you think it might make a difference to your fiancee, better to find out before the wedding. While it's not the kind of information you're obligated to disclose to an employer, the person you contemplate sharing your life with has a right to know. It would be better coming from you than from some relative who lets it slip somewhere down the line.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing on behalf of my sister, "Hazel," who is too embarrassed to write. She's pregnant with her first child. Her two best friends are giving her a baby shower. Hazel registered for gifts at a national store that provides stickers that say, "Registered at ( )," to be put on the invitation envelopes. Hazel didn't take them because she thinks the practice is tacky. Her friends asked her for the stickers, and she told them she didn't want to use them. She felt that when her guests called to RSVP, they could be told where she's registered.

Well, her friends went to the store, got stickers, and put them on her invitation envelopes anyway. Hazel is very upset. She wants the hosts to tell the guests they used the stickers against her wishes. These "friends" think she is being hormonal and overly sensitive, and insist that this is proper etiquette.

We're all looking to you, Abby. Do you think putting the stickers on the envelopes was a breach of etiquette? -- STUCK IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR STUCK: Ignoring the expressed wishes of the honoree was an even worse breach of etiquette than placing the stickers on the envelopes. It showed a complete lack of respect for Hazel's feelings.

I wouldn't blame Hazel if she spoke up at the shower and apologized to her guests for the stickers. While some guests may not have found them offensive, some will -- and your sister should set the record straight.

DEAR ABBY: I am almost 15. A few days ago, something happened that made me see what a spoiled, selfish, vain brat I have become.

My mother was giving me a ride to my boyfriend's house. She and I were laughing and joking. As we turned to go down a hill, I saw an overweight man, who appeared to be in his early 40s, riding his bicycle up the steep hill. The bike was practically stationary. However, instead of getting off and walking, he just kept pedaling.

I took one look, pointed my finger at him and laughed. Hard. He turned and looked right at me. I will never forget the look of determination on that man's face.

My heart sank into my stomach. I knew what I had done was cruel.

I still feel terrible for what I did. I give up on a lot of things, but this determined man did not. He changed my life forever. I'm determined never again to stereotype anyone. I would like to find this man and apologize. He is not a quitter. He is the kind of person other people should strive to become. -- SORRY TEEN IN PORT EWEN, N.Y.

DEAR SORRY TEEN: You're absolutely right. People who persevere in the face of adversity are to be admired and emulated because they usually achieve their goal.

You have a lot to thank that man for, because what you observed about him -- and yourself -- has helped you to take a giant step toward maturity.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: While I don't disagree with your response to "Doin' What Comes Naturally," whose new neighbors objected to group nudity in their hot tub, the hostess could have handled the situation with more sensitivity.

Reading between the lines, I suspect that the hot tub dress/undress issues were raised for the first time at the gathering, which put the newcomers on the spot. Good hosts should never do that to their guests.

When the invitation was extended the hostess should have said, "By the way ..." and explained the situation. That way, the new neighbors could have expressed their discomfort privately, and the problem could have been avoided by keeping the hot tub covered on that occasion.

In my experience, people who are uncomfortable displaying their bodies in public are also uncomfortable with others being exposed. -- BASHFUL IN ORADELL, N.J.

DEAR BASHFUL: You're right. For some people, it's a moral issue; with others, it's simply insecurity about how they look. Also, a sizable number of people would rather leave to their imaginations that which they would prefer not to view in the light of harsh reality. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was shocked and disappointed by your position regarding the "straightlaced" hot tub neighbors who didn't want to soak in the nude with the neighbors. What is this world coming to when a person of your stature condones nude hot-tubbing with neighbors? Enjoying the "therapeutic benefits" of soaking together in the nude -- unless it's husband and wife alone -- is a new low in moral behavior. -- HORRIFIED IN HARRISBURG

DEAR HORRIFIED: It's neither new nor necessarily low. I have never condemned nudity -- as long as it's on the up-and-up. And while I might hesitate to grin and bare it (all), scores of wholesome people from many cultures enjoy the naturalist way of life. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My sister's pool parties (hot tub included) traditionally resulted in discarded bathing suits. Guests who were uninhibited frolicked in the waves. Those who were shy frolicked, too -- but with less exposure. The swimming usually started after dinner, after the barbecue, after sundown. When the first suit came off, those who were uncomfortable with the turn of events -- including our parents -- would call it a day. No one ever complained.

Unfortunately, my fiance is too shy, so I don't get to do what comes naturally anymore. Sign me ... ALL DRESSED UP, NOWHERE TO GO

DEAR ALL DRESSED: Different strokes for different folks! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old reader who usually disagrees with your answers because I am a lifelong conservative.

After reading the letters in your column from "Sleep-Deprived in Schenectady" (who complained about the noisy upstairs neighbors' love-making) and "Doin' What Comes Naturally" about the naked hot tub parties, I discussed them with my family. We have a practical solution for "Sleep-Deprived": Buy a fan to cover the noise, then send the couple from upstairs to the hot tub party! -- CONSERVATIVE TEEN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR TEEN: I'm pleased that your conservatism hasn't curtailed your "liberal" sense of humor. You are a wit.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)