DEAR ABBY: I am an ophthalmologist who specializes in the treatment of diseases of the retina -- which is the "seeing tissue" of the eye. You cannot imagine how frustrating, disheartening and sad it is to see patients on a daily basis who have vision loss from the effects of their diabetes. In many instances, I am the person who must inform them that they may not get their vision back and eventually they will become legally blind.

The reason I am frustrated is because I know that if these patients had only come in earlier, or exercised better control of their blood sugar (glucose) levels, blood pressure and cholesterol, most of their visual loss could have been avoided.

Please, Abby, remind your readers with diabetes that by maintaining control of their blood sugar they can reduce visual loss. Every patient over the age of 30 who is diabetic should have an eye exam as soon as he or she is diagnosed and a yearly exam thereafter. Diabetic eye disease does not cause pain and it must be treated early, while vision is still good, to avoid serious loss of sight. With proper care and attention, blindness -- one of the most devastating complications of diabetes -- can be prevented. -- DAVID S. BOYER, M.D., DIRECTOR, AMERICAN DIABETES ASSOCIATION OF L.A.

DEAR DR. BOYER: Thank you for an important letter. I was shocked to learn that an estimated 16 million people in the United States have diabetes, and one-third of them do not know they have it. While diabetes affects people of all ages and ethnicities, diabetes is more prevalent in minority communities -- especially Hispanics, African Americans and American Indians.

However, regardless of ethnicity -- if there is a history of diabetes in the family, an annual physical examination and an eye examination by a medical doctor are a must. The sight you save, and the quality of life you improve, could be your own.

DEAR ABBY: The letters from "Furious in Adrian, Mich.," the 14-year-old whose ex-boyfriend wrongly claimed to have had sex with her, and "No Big Deal in New Jersey," who suggested telling people, "... he tried, but he was sooo small ..." reminded me of an episode on the sitcom "Welcome Back Kotter."

A pretty girl in class was rumored to be promiscuous. All the guys bragged about sleeping with her at one time or another. Her solution: She announced that she was pregnant and was going to publicly reveal the identity of the father of her baby in class the next day. By morning, not one male would admit to ever having slept with her, with one exception. The character Horshack -- the class nerd -- proclaimed that he was the father and would marry her if she would have him. He probably couldn't even spell S-E-X, let alone get a date with a girl. But he was determined to do "the honorable thing."

If "Furious" would announce that she was pregnant and that she was bringing a paternity suit against her ex-boyfriend and his parents, I think he would stop the lying. -- TAMMY IN FLORIDA

DEAR TAMMY: But what if he didn't? Some misguided young men are under the impression that fathering a child makes them appear manly -- although nothing could be further from the truth. "Furious" has enough problems already without spreading a false rumor that could backfire.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My parents have been divorced for six years. I am 11, and I have a sister who is 15.

Since our parents divorced, my sister and I fight a lot more, but I still look up to her for everything. Mom's and Dad's sides of the family constantly question us to see which one is better. Without my sister telling me what to say, I might say the wrong thing.

I love my parents, but I hate it when each of them asks questions about the other instead of enjoying our company. It's just not fair. What do you think? -- SICK AND TIRED OF FIGHTING, GREENVILLE, TEXAS

DEAR SICK AND TIRED OF FIGHTING: I sympathize with your predicament. No one wants to be caught in the middle, and to put you there at your tender age is very unfair. Your parents -- and many others -- could benefit from the following list of "Do's and Don'ts" for divorcing couples with children that appeared in my column years ago. Read on:

First, the DO's:

-- Do allow your children to ask questions about your divorce. It's unfair to make them feel like outsiders.

-- Do answer all their questions about your divorce as truthfully as possible, without making the other parent the "heavy."

-- Do remember that your children need the love of both parents.

-- Do assure your children that they are not to blame for your divorce.

-- Do encourage your children to talk freely about their feelings -- even if it's painful to you. Bottling up emotions is even more damaging to children.

-- Do have a special place for your children's toys and belongings during visiting time. It will make them feel more at home.

Now, the DON'Ts:

-- Don't badmouth the other parent to your children, or to anyone else in their presence.

-- Don't send messages to the other parent through your children.

-- Don't ask your children to keep secrets from your ex-spouse.

-- Don't be overly generous (or less strict) in an effort to win your children's approval.

-- Don't tell your children what to think or feel. They are entitled to their own thoughts and feelings.

-- Don't try to pump your children for information about your ex-spouse. -- BEEN THERE IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR ABBY: I'm only a kid, but I really need your help. I want a dog. A collie. They get along with other animals and don't need a lot of exercise. The problem is that my parents hate dogs.

They say I can have as many dogs as I want when I grow up, but I can't wait that long. Almost everyone I know has a dog. I have $375, so I can afford to buy one and pay for its food and shots. Abby, how can I change my parents' minds? -- DOG-DEPRIVED IN DENVER

DEAR DOG-DEPRIVED: There is no way I can change your parents' minds for you. If I could, I would. However, if you volunteer at an animal shelter or local veterinarian's clinic, you could fill some of the void you are feeling.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Last year, my husband was being treated for a highly curable form of skin cancer when he noticed a flesh-colored bump on his neck. He showed it to his dermatologist who dismissed it as "nothing."

Many months later, it still hadn't gone away. He showed it to the dermatologist again. This time, the doctor decided to biopsy the bump, although he said he was still sure that, at worst, it was nonthreatening. Well, the biopsy showed it was malignant melanoma -- the deadliest skin cancer. Our lives were turned upside down in an instant. Major surgery and post-operative treatment followed.

Most of your readers have probably seen pictures in magazines and on television showing melanoma as a dark and irregular mole. My husband is living proof that there are exceptions to that rule. Please inform your readers that melanoma comes in other colors and shapes.

Early detection is crucial in cases of melanoma. Once it has spread, it is one of the deadliest forms of cancer. Self-examination is essential. If one finds a suspicious skin lesion, it should be checked out and a biopsy performed. The patient may have to insist on the biopsy. If the dermatologist tries to convince the patient there is no such thing as a non-pigmented melanoma, the patient should run, not walk, to another dermatologist.

Please spread the word. It can save some lives. -- FRANCIE SHUTLER, ORANGE, CALIF.

DEAR FRANCIE: Thank you for the warning. Any suspicious lump, ulcer or sore on the skin that doesn't heal within a week should be reported to your physician. It's also important to be examined by a physician if there is any change in the size, shape or texture of a mole, or if half of it appears "different" from the other half.

Readers, contrary to popular belief, the sun is no longer a safe place in which to play. The thinning of the ozone layer has made the sun's rays more powerful and damaging than ever before. It's important to wear hats with wide brims and sunscreens with a SPF of at least 15, and limit exposure to direct sunlight between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m. It's also important to protect your eyes by wearing sunglasses that screen out both UVA and UVB rays. Children need this protection as much as adults do.

For more information on skin cancer (and other skin problems), visit the American Academy of Dermatology Web site: � HYPERLINK "http://www.aad.org" ��www.aad.org�.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have owned a plumbing business together for nine years. He works 12 to 14 hours a day, six days a week. When he gets off work he's too tired to do anything. We have teen-age children. He says that we should work hard now so we can have a good life later. I feel we should live for today since we don't have a guarantee for tomorrow. How can I get through to him, or am I wrong? -- SALLY IN FORT COLLINS, COLO.

DEAR SALLY: Time with family is precious and limited. I admire your husband's work ethic, but he needs to strike a balance. Try to convince him to revise his schedule so that he can take an entire weekend once or twice a month to spend with family before your children leave the nest for good. That way, you will all have some happy memories to share while you're enjoying your "good life later."

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)