DEAR ABBY: I would like to share a recent experience with those of your readers who are anti-cell phone. I understand the anxiety concerning motorists who use cell phones.

I was recently on the freeway and found myself following a van that had a bumper sticker that read, "Shut up and drive!" with a picture of a cell phone. The van unexpectedly swerved to one side and braked as though the driver was alarmed. I wondered if something was wrong (I am a medical practitioner) and cautiously crept up alongside.

When I looked in, I saw a family with the husband driving. The wife was holding a container of ketchup for him to dip his fries into while he held a hamburger with the other hand. At one point, she even shifted gears for him!

Abby, I was appalled. I still can't get over the absurdity. How hypocritical for those people to have a bumper sticker criticizing drivers who use cell phones, while actually doing something more dangerous themselves. I waited for my chance to shake a finger at them, but they were too busy eating and passing food around to notice. -- COMMUTER IN VANCOUVER, WASH.

DEAR COMMUTER: According to the literature I have seen regarding the use of cell phones behind the wheel, the driver is as "impaired" as someone who has had three shots of alcohol. Not a happy thought. However, people driving on public roads using no hands and expecting a passenger to do the gear-shifting are beyond the pale -- a danger to themselves and others.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-60s. My wife and I were married 38 years. She died a year ago.

I know it is customary for women to wear their wedding rings after their husband's death, but should men continue wearing their wedding bands?

Although I do not want to offend my children and in-laws by removing my ring, on the other hand, I do not want to appear foolish for continuing to wear it when I am no longer married.

What is proper under these circumstances? -- WONDERING WIDOWER IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WONDERING: When a widow or widower is ready to begin dating again, the wedding rings usually are removed or transferred to the right hand. Since it has been a year since your wife's death, if you wish to remove yours, no one will criticize you for it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 31 years to a good man. His problem is hygiene. He works hard every day and does not shower before he comes to bed. I shower every night. His sexual partner is clean; mine is dirty.

He showers in the morning, and the rest of the world sees a clean, fragrant man -- but I don't.

Am I being unreasonable to ask my husband to shower in the evening? I guess most people shower in the morning. Please advise me. -- CLOTHESPIN CONNIE ON LONG ISLAND

DEAR CONNIE: With pleasure. Ask your husband to shower with you in the evenings. It might be all the encouragement he needs to clean up his act, not to mention adult fun for both of you.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, "Ruth," who is 80, my husband, "Clarence" (50ish), and I (40ish) all live in the same house. Ruth's husband died before Clarence and I were married. She sold her home and Clarence sold his so they could buy a house together.

My mother-in-law is a wonderful lady. However, she is a complainer. She becomes agitated over petty things. She also doesn't like for Clarence to criticize anything. (His style is more a commentary than criticism.) I don't think Ruth realizes how much complaining she does.

Even though we've repeatedly asked her not to, Ruth "sorts" through our mail and throws out important letters and catalogs she feels we don't need. (She has an obsession with frugality.)

Clarence is even more upset about her behavior than I am. He says if things don't change, he and I will be forced to move. What do you think we should do? -- FRACTURED FAMILY IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRACTURED: If this is relatively new behavior, Ruth may need a physical and mental exam to determine if she's experiencing dementia. However, if this is the way she normally acts, you and your husband are going to have to have it out with her -- and Clarence is going to have to tell his mother that if things don't change, the two of you will be moving. In the meantime, arrange to have all of your mail delivered to a post office box and don't give Ruth a key.

DEAR ABBY: It has been 15 years since our young son David asked us, while riding in the back seat of our car, "How do babies get into mommies' tummies?" My husband immediately said to me, "Honey, since you told our girls all about it before, you can tell David, too."

I retorted: "You're right. But they are girls. I'm sure it would be better for you -- his dad -- to tell our son." With that, his dad asked, "David, are you sure you want to know now?" David said, "Yes, Dad."

My husband then went into detail. I sat frozen, seat belt-bound, as the car and his words drove forward. When the lecture was finished, my husband said, "That's it, son."

Our 7-year-old boy began laughing so hard that we couldn't help laughing with him. When we finally settled down and could talk, we asked David what was so funny? Still chuckling, he replied, "OK, Dad. Now tell me the TRUTH." -- LINDA BRESSLER, TAMPA

DEAR LINDA: Sometimes truth may seem stranger than fiction, but your husband was right to answer your son's question fully and completely when he asked.

DEAR ABBY: I really enjoyed the response Patti Fairchild Bartee told you about in regard to sneezing: "Gesunheit" the first time, and "Gesundheit squared" when the sneezing continued.

It reminded me of a similar saying in the German immigrant community where I grew up near Strawberry Point, Iowa. After a person sneezed and was wished "Gesundheit" (health), the person who sneezed might reply, "Besser wie krankheit," which means, "Better than sickness!" Gesundheit to you, Abby. -- PASTOR OTTO ZWANZIGER (RET.), CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA

DEAR PASTOR ZWANZIGER: God bless you, too!

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Although I have read your column for years and have seen letters from women who have lived with controlling men, I can't remember reading letters about controlling women.

My ex-daughter-in-law, "Rita," could be the queen of mean. When she met my son, "Lee," he was a happy, popular and well-respected man with a good job. She made it plain after the wedding that her career came first and money was very important. She criticized his friends and made it uncomfortable when he would see them. Rita bought all his clothes. If he bought a shirt himself, she would complain. He would put it away just to keep peace.

Rita got an opportunity to move about 1,000 miles away. Since she made more money, Lee transferred and moved. I found out later she had solicited the job and insisted on the move to get him away from "bad influences" -- his friends and family. Rita and my son have a 5-year-old daughter, "Lily."

Visiting them was a nightmare. We had to watch whatever we said. We went to dinner one night at a medium-priced restaurant. When Lee picked up the check, Rita had a temper tantrum, saying they couldn't afford to treat people to meals. (They make more than $100,000 a year between them.)

Our son turned into a silent young man who was starting to drink too much. They had no friends, as Rita didn't like anyone Lee met. Lee liked basketball. Needless to say, she criticized the people he played with. You get the picture.

Last year, Lee walked out. He had had enough. He is staying in the same town because he wants to remain involved in his daughter's life. He is happier now than he has been in years. He has stopped drinking and has made friends who like to do what he does. Lee takes Lily every other weekend and does a lot of baby-sitting when Rita has to work overtime. Rita is a bitter lady who still has no friends.

Abby, please advise your readers that men aren't the only ones who can be controlling. I have seen firsthand what damage a woman can do. -- SEEN IT ALL IN ATLANTA

DEAR SEEN IT ALL: While I have never failed to acknowledge that women can be controlling or abusive, you are correct that more letters appear in my column about abusive men. That may be because men are conditioned not to complain when their feelings are hurt. Or that the abuse women suffer is more physical -- and verbal abuse is easier to hide.

Whichever type of abuse your son suffered, I'm pleased that he is free at last.

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for publishing the letter from David S. Boyer, M.D., warning that early detection and treatment of diabetes can prevent eye disease and blindness.

In your response, you advised anyone with a family history of diabetes to have annual physical and eye examinations. While this is a good idea, it does not go far enough.

Half of the 10 million diabetics in the United States are unaware that they have this disease. Many diabetics have no family history. At this time, screening for diabetes is recommended every three years for everyone over the age of 45, regardless of family history -- and earlier and more often for people with specific risk factors such as obesity. -- PATRICK A. MAUER, M.D., LOS ANGELES

DEAR DR. MAUER: Considering the fact that many people are battling weight problems, I hope your letter will remind them that a talk with their physician about diet and exercise may be in order. Both can reduce a person's risk of developing diabetes.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)