DEAR ABBY: I'm worried about Grandpa, who is 96. Ever since Grandma died two years ago, Gramps has been acting like a playboy. Granted, he works out every day and looks like he's only 70, lives independently in his own home and still drives a car. However, Grandpa chases around with women half his age, spending money like it's water, going to social events and sometimes having a cocktail!

Abby, how can I get Grandpa to behave himself, keep those gold-diggers away and stop spending my inheritance?

I've tried talking to him. He says it's his life, he practices safe sex and to mind my own business! Since it's MY inheritance he's wasting, I think it is MY business!

What do you think about this, Abby? -- WORRIED GRANDSON, GLENDALE, CALIF.

P.S. I'm worried his new lifestyle will kill him.

DEAR WORRIED GRANDSON: No, you're not. You're worried that Grandpa's got a new lease on life, and when the lease is up, you'll be broke. Shame on you.

DEAR ABBY: My 11-year-old niece, "Tori," has begun sending thank-you notes by e-mail rather than snail mail. Although I would much prefer receiving an old-fashioned thank-you note, I understand that in this day and age, an electronic acknowledgment for a gift may suffice.

However, what I find more upsetting is the fact that Tori writes only one thank-you message, and then copies it to everyone who has given her a gift.

Recently she participated in a school fund-raiser that happened to fall on the same week as her birthday. Certain family members and friends contributed to her fund-raiser, while others sent only birthday gifts. Tori's one-size-fits-all e-mail read: "Thank you for your fund-raiser/birthday contribution."

What do you think of this, Abby? How can I tactfully let my niece know that a mass mailing is no different than not being thanked at all? -- UPSET AUNTIE

DEAR AUNTIE: Say it in an e-mail. Each thank-you should be individual and personal -- and now is the time for your niece to learn this valuable lesson. Your message is an important one.

DEAR ABBY: Your column recounting timeless maxims of the now defunct Finch School for Women in New York City reminded me of more Finch wisdom -- something taught by Jessica Cosgrave, the school's founder and president when I was a student there in the '40s.

Those maxims contained the philosophy she most wanted us to remember and to be guided by. Like her school, Ms. Cosgrave is no longer in existence, but I hope you'll agree that hers is a still timely philosophy and consider sharing it with your readers:

"Thought makes action

"Action makes habit

"Habit makes character

"Character makes Destiny."

-- MARY "MIMI" KEY HENLEY, FINCH JR. COLLEGE CLASS OF '46

P.S. The Finch motto, "Ineamus Meliora," translates to: "Let Us Go On to Better Things." Your column promotes that goal by creating better understanding among people.

DEAR MARY: Thank you. Good advice, like good manners, never goes out of style. Although Ms. Cosgrave is no longer with us, she left behind a beautiful legacy.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I know you occasionally print letters about "random acts of kindness." I'd like to share what happened to me in Albuquerque 10 years ago.

I didn't know a soul in New Mexico. I needed to be totally alone to finally acknowledge and accept the fact my husband had died.

One evening, I was in a lovely restaurant. My server placed my order, then proceeded to prepare the corner table next to me. First came a large arrangement of fresh flowers, a champagne bucket, etc. Shortly thereafter, a couple was escorted to the table. The gentleman was a famous personality. I tried to be discreet about glancing their way and wished I'd brought a book to read. I was feeling melancholy. My first vacation without my husband was not a happy one.

Evidently my demeanor was interpreted as "unhappy lady." The server appeared and said, "The couple at the corner table would like to send a glass of champagne to your table. Will that be all right with you?" I glanced at the couple; they smiled. How could I not accept their thoughtful gesture? The glass was placed on my table. I caught their eye and lifted my glass to toast them on their special occasion. The gentleman leaned over and said, "It's not a special occasion, just a celebration of life -- to the good times ahead."

Now, whenever I feel the blues coming on, I think of the "celebration of life and to the good times," and a very special couple. -- MRS. Z ON LONG ISLAND

DEAR MRS. Z: Indeed. Generous, too. People who are happy are usually inclined to spread the joy around.

DEAR ABBY: I am 36 years old. My boyfriend, "Phillip," is 44. We have been dating exclusively for almost four years. I am ready to get married and start a family.

Phillip asked me to marry him one evening a year ago. He'd had a lot to drink. There was no mention about our picking out an engagement ring. The following morning, he changed his mind and said, "That's not how I planned on doing it."

A year has passed. He hasn't asked me again. He says we should purchase a house first. We haven't looked for one because he says he's expecting a huge raise soon. We don't need his raise to qualify for a mortgage. We make plenty of money.

Abby, I want to get this show on the road. I know Phillip loves me, as I love him. But I'm getting more discouraged with each passing month. What should I do? -- RINGLESS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR RINGLESS: Phillip may love you, but he still isn't ready to make a commitment. Have a serious and sober discussion with him and tell him exactly how you feel. You have nothing to lose by doing so.

You may discover that you and Phillip want different things from this relationship. His answers may not be what you want to hear, but four years is a long enough investment with no guarantees.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in the sixth grade. Many girls in my grade are into makeup, clothes and boys. I have just recently gotten interested in those things, too. But my friends haven't -- they couldn't care less.

Abby, what should I do? I have never been popular, and I fear that if I lose my friends, I'll be alone. I feel too mature for them, but without them, I would be totally lost. -- GROWING UP TOO FAST IN N.J.

DEAR GROWING UP TOO FAST: Be patient. Many of your friends will soon catch up with you. Those who never do will still be your friends. Make room for people who have different tastes and interests. It's called diversity. It's what makes this world an interesting -- and inclusive -- place.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter about school bullies. I went to school more than 20 years ago, and it hasn't changed. My family was poor. My clothes in high school were yard-sale stuff. One morning I walked into school and kids stopped and pointed at me, laughing. I remember a teacher coming into the hall to see what was going on, and he laughed, too. I was wearing colors that didn't go together, but it was the best I could do. My life was a nightmare.

I had gym class that same day. We were going outside to play softball but had to choose up teams first. The two popular girls were always team captains. They chose their teams and I was left standing alone. The teacher said, "Bonnie, you get Carol." Bonnie said loudly, "I don't want Carol. She stinks at this game. She stinks at every game." Then the team captains argued over who was going to get stuck with me. I wanted to die.

When they all ran outside, I lagged behind, slipped back into the locker room, and changed back into my old, worn-out, mismatched clothes. I went home. Nobody missed me. I went into our garage and looked for something poisonous. I wanted to kill myself and get it over with. I hated the kids, I hated the teachers and I hated myself. I turned the old broken radio on low. Its case was cracked, but it still worked, and I just cried and cried.

Then I got serious and found a bottle of termite poison. I had almost worked up the nerve to drink it when the radio played Dolly Parton's "Coat of Many Colors." It was a song about a girl who wore a coat pieced together from rags because her family was poor, and the kids at school laughed at her. And I thought, "Look where Dolly is today -- she didn't run home and kill herself. She got through it."

I went back to school the next morning and ignored everyone. I ignored the cruel comments as if I didn't hear them. I told myself I was an outsider in hostile territory, but I had a goal to achieve, and I poured everything I had into my studies, my grades. I graduated and went on to college in another state.

I'm successful and happy now and have a loving family. I work with disadvantaged kids in my spare time. Life is wonderful. Thank you, Dolly. And thank you, Abby. -- CAROL, A SURVIVOR

DEAR CAROL: Thank you for a letter that I know will give hope to other young people who are the victims of taunting and ridicule. I'm struck by its dual message. The first is about the ability of music to heal suffering. The second is about the ability of the human spirit to rise above suffering and to prevail in the face of difficult odds. I'm sure you are saving lives in the work you are doing with disadvantaged youth. You are a shining example of the success that comes from perseverance.

DEAR ABBY: You were all wet in your advice that the new parents continue to shower together indefinitely. Privacy issues aside, they are leaving their little one unsupervised if they do it when she is awake. Should something happen, they would not hear any warning signs of trouble. -- LUCY IN CHEYENNE, WYO.

DEAR LUCY: You are absolutely right. That didn't occur to me. Thank you for speaking up.

DEAR ABBY: Did the police officer from Toledo ever get promoted to "loo-tenant" after he was locked in the bathroom? -- MIKE IN L.A.

DEAR MIKE: Clever! (I'm flushed with laughter.)

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)