DEAR ABBY: A year ago, I made a horrible mistake. I ran away from home. I am not a child -- I am a 40-year-old wife and mother.

I was unhappy with my husband and walked away from my life. I left everything: my kids, my clothes, and the mementos I had collected my entire life.

For a long time before that, I felt unneeded and alone. My husband talked to me mostly in irritated tones -- as if everything I said to him was stupid or worthless. My teen-aged sons were disrespectful or ignored me altogether. Their father thought it was funny and said it was my fault. So I ran.

I have had no contact with anyone for a year. Not my kids, my mother or any of my friends. I am lonely and miserable. I suffer from depression. I had a bad case of endometriosis and large fibroids. I am recovering from a full hysterectomy.

The reason I am writing is that I miss my family. I want so much to hug my sons and make sure they are all right. After what I have done, I am not sure I have that right any longer. I don't want to cause more upheaval in their lives. I love them very much, and I know what I did was wrong. I probably don't deserve their forgiveness.

Maybe I should stay out of their lives for good, but my heart aches. I am so confused and scared -- but mostly lonely. I really need your advice. -- LOST MOTHER IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR LOST: What you did was irrational, and whether it was triggered by your depression or a hormonal imbalance is anybody's guess. Before trying to contact your family, I urge you to schedule some sessions with a counselor to be sure you're strong enough to face what may lie ahead. Once you're on firmer emotional footing, the counselor -- or a clergyperson -- should mediate and facilitate the family reunion. I wish you the best of luck.

DEAR ABBY: I must respond to the letter from "Stamp Out Stereotyping," who asked why patrons of the parents' "ethnic" restaurant assume that he/she has no command of the English language.

The situation described is not unusual. It is an example of lack of sophistication. As Fernando Lamas said on the Johnny Carson show many years ago: Do not make fun of people who speak with an accent -- they know more languages than YOU do.

The other side of the coin is the Native American man (he called himself an Indian) I met in Santa Fe, N.M., a while ago. He was a graduate student at Harvard, educated and articulate.

During Fiesta, the town's big celebration, he would dress himself in his "Indian outfit," speak like Tonto from "The Lone Ranger," and sell cheap trinkets to the tourists at exorbitant prices. The customers were completely fooled, and my friend laughed all the way to the bank.

So, you never know! -- TOM H., ASHLAND, ORE.

DEAR TOM: I can say without reservation that the young man had a wicked sense of humor as well as an astute sense of business.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

"Oh, the kind words we give shall in memory live;

"And sunshine forever impart;

"Let us oft speak kind words to each other;

"Kind words are sweet tones of the heart."

-- Joseph L. Townsend (Submitted by Emilio Caballero)

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Bullied in Delaware," who was critical of an article she had read about how to prevent bullying, I had to write.

I am a 17-year-old girl who was teased and tormented from first grade on. Because of it, I became depressed and began eating my problems away, which led to the nickname "Big Red" and other undignified labels. When I reached the summer of my sophomore year, I was at an all-time low. A good friend offered me some advice that changed my life:

"If you hear something long enough, you begin to believe it. You've been told all about your outward 'flaws' for so many years, your perception of yourself has become blurred. Every day you look in the mirror and see what the bullies have told you. Stop seeing illusions. See yourself for who you truly are."

From that day on, each time I looked in the mirror, I told myself OUT LOUD that I was beautiful and a special human being. Once I began to feel respect for myself, others did too.

Abby, please print this to help other girls and boys avoid the hell of living with no self-esteem because of the destructive words of others. This letter comes from someone who has been caught in the worst of it, and who has come out happier. -- PROUD TO BE ME IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PROUD TO BE ME: Your friend gave you terrific advice. However, you deserve the credit for carrying it a step further with your daily affirmations. I'm told that many successful people -- athletes in particular -- use visualization techniques to improve their performance. Not only did you do that, but you added audio. I wish you continued success.

DEAR ABBY: I know you are an animal lover. I hope you will consider this wonderful item I received from a friend worthy of space in your column. -- GERARD IN BLOOMFIELD, N.J.

DEAR GERARD: It certainly is, as I'm sure my pet-loving readers will agree. With apologies to Rudyard Kipling, please read on:

"If you can start the day without caffeine,

"If you can get along without pep pills,

"If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

"If you can resist complaining to and boring people with your troubles,

"If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

"If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

"If you can overlook it when those you love take it out on you when, through no fault of your own, something goes wrong,

"If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,

"If you can ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him or her,

"If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor one,

"If you can face the world without lies and deceit,

"If you can conquer tension without medical help,

"If you can relax without liquor,

"If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

"If you can honestly say that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, sex, color, religion, national origin, gender preference or politics,

"THEN you have ALMOST reached the same level of development as your dog or cat."

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating the same guy for a little over a year. We get along well, laugh a lot, have the same outlook, similar goals. He says I'm his best friend.

My problem? I'm not his "type." I'm a petite blonde. He prefers chunkier women with dark hair. He says if there was one thing he could change about me, it would be for me to gain about 20 pounds. (I'm 5 feet tall and weigh 105.)

He has become "confused" a few times during the relationship, and the last time he said he needed to decide which was more important, someone he's connected with or someone who is his type. The sex is good but not earth-shattering, because my physical attributes don't do it for him. He doesn't want to rip off my clothes each time he sees me, and I thrive on that kind of lust.

He keeps coming back, and I feel like a jerk for allowing him to stay each time. I love him, but I'm unclear whether I'm selling myself short and if I deserve someone who loves me the way I am. I'm afraid if he stays with me, eventually he will want his type and leave. He's 37; I'm 33. What should I do? -- BETWIXT AND BETWEEN IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR B AND B: Loving him isn't enough. Not once in your letter did you indicate that he says HE loves YOU. You say he's critical of your appearance and strays when the spirit moves him. You are indeed selling yourself short. For a lifetime partner, you deserve better.

DEAR ABBY: Your "pennies from heaven" stories have been delightful. I have one that does not involve money, but the result was just as heartwarming.

The year was 1945. I was a member of General Patton's army, fighting our way across Europe. Infantry combat is pure hell, so when there was a rare lull in the fighting, an orchestra from our division band was brought in to cheer us up. In a wooded glade somewhere in France, they played all the favorites of the day, and we were reminded again of what we were fighting for.

A soldier with a clear, sweet voice began singing "Pennies From Heaven." However, it wasn't the familiar version. These satirical lyrics told the story of a GI coming home to his wife after serving overseas, and being met by his beloved holding a brand-new baby girl named "Penny."

The refrain of that song I'll never forget. "Every time he asked, she'd say, 'Penny's from heaven.'" There were many verses, and the soldier sang each one with a straight face. At another time under different circumstances, we probably would have found the song mildly amusing. That day it was the funniest song my buddies and I had ever heard. No money changed hands that day, but the laughter was a gift from God at a time when we had very little to laugh about. -- WALLACE HARMON, DALLAS

DEAR WALLACE: No amount of money could equal the enjoyment you fighting men got from the slightly naughty version of "Pennies From Heaven."

Laughter is a great unifier. People who laugh together become one, if only for a little while.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)