DEAR READERS: Today is Thanksgiving Day. It is an unusual Thanksgiving because some of the things we Americans have always assumed are no longer true. For the first time in the history of this country, the sense of personal security that the majority of us have taken for granted has been shaken.

And yet, if we look around we still have much for which to be thankful.

Let us offer thanks for the men and women in our armed forces who are separated from their families during this holiday season, who put their lives on the line to defend freedom and democracy and to preserve our American dream.

Let us offer thanks for our police and firefighters who put themselves at risk for us day and night in order to safeguard our lives and property.

Let us offer thanks for our medical personnel and health-care workers who go above and beyond the call of duty to preserve our health and well-being during these stressful times.

Let us offer thanks to our postal workers -- ever faithful, making sure the mail goes through in "rain, or hail, or sleet or snow" -- in spite of their concerns for their own health and safety. At a time when saboteurs have put dangerous toxins into the mails, these courageous men and women persevere every day to keep our citizens connected.

I am personally thankful to you, Dear Readers and fellow patriots, for sending me thousands of letters, poems, prayers and essays expressing your heartfelt thoughts about the events of Sept. 11. Thay are much appreciated.

Let us all be thankful that we live in a country where we worship as we choose, vote according to our consciences and publish our opinions without fear of reprisal.

President Franklin Delano Roosevelt said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." We are being tested, but we will prevail and emerge stronger in spite of the battles ahead -- on the home front as well as on foreign soil. Already we have forged international alliances that were never before possible.

And now, I'll repeat my Thanksgiving prayer. Perhaps you will want to use it at your table today:

Oh, heavenly Father,

We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

P.S. An afterthought: Remember, the surest cure for the holiday blues is to do something nice for someone else. Why not call someone who lives alone and invite him or her to share a meal? If your guest doesn't drive or doesn't like to go out alone after dark, offer to provide the transportation. Try it. And let me know the results. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, "Vera," is a difficult person. She declares her opinion on anything and everything, and doesn't care whether it's hurtful, if it's asked for, or even if it's her place to speak up at all.

She also plays favorites with her children and grandchildren. Vera has always felt it is her right to discipline her grandkids, even if their parents are present.

My husband says with a chuckle that she's too old to change, that she's got a good heart and means well. I chalk it up to her being meddling and overbearing.

Vera has treated me with disrespect during most of our marriage, many times in front of our children. In spite of this, I have never said a bad word about her in front of the children and have tried to cover for her when it was obvious she was playing favorites.

All this has not been easy, because my mother-in-law has not had a lot of time for our family. As a result, she doesn't really know our children individually. My husband is blind to how his mother's behavior has affected our kids.

Our oldest son is now a freshman at a university about half an hour from Vera's home. She remarked to me several times before he left that she is looking forward to seeing him on weekends, and that she has many chores for him to do.

When we were packing our son off to school, I mentioned this to him. He looked me straight in the eye and said: "No, Mom. Grandma treats you like dirt. She hasn't had time for me in the last 18 years. Now I don't have time for HER."

My son asked that I not give Vera his phone number. We agreed that, to be fair, I would not give anyone in the family his number, and that he would take a list of family addresses and phone numbers so he could contact relatives himself.

Abby, what do I say to my mother-in-law? I understand where our son is coming from, but I feel he should show some respect to his grandmother. He left last weekend, and Vera will be calling soon to get his number. There are going to be repercussions if I withhold it from her. Please help. -- DESPERATE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

DEAR DESPERATE: Your mother-in-law is reaping the harvest of what she has sown. Tell her that college is a big adjustment for your son -- it's the truth -- and that he has her number with him. In the meantime, she'll have to find someone else to do her chores.

Don't make your son feel guilty for not loving someone who hasn't loved him. His silence will deliver his message loud and clear.

DEAR ABBY: I am 20 years old. My parents have been married 31 years. My parents and I have a great relationship. Dad and I work in the same office.

I looked in my father's desk for something, and much to my surprise, I discovered two boxes of condoms. I wasn't snooping. In our office, we are always in and out of one another's desks, getting business cards or other office needs.

Abby, I can't see why my father would need condoms, especially at work. The first thing that crossed my mind is that my father may be cheating. Should I confront him? -- PERPLEXED DAUGHTER IN ALBERTA

DEAR PERPLEXED DAUGHTER: If you're smart, you'll M.Y.O.B. and assume someone gave the condoms to your father as a joke. Say nothing to him about them. Possession doesn't necessarily mean he is guilty of anything.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Worried Grandson, Glendale, Calif." was on target, but far too mild. Such egregious greed deserves considerably sterner chastisement than "shame on you."

That reprobate is so self-centered he cannot comprehend what a blessing it is for his grandfather to be enjoying his life instead of dwindling away in an elder-care facility -- a situation that would blast through Grandpa's resources faster than a dozen gold diggers. I have no doubt that even as he grouses about Grandpa's expenditures, this slimeball is already planning how to spend "his" inheritance.

Here's hoping that Grandpa slips up in his practice of birth control (at 96, wow!) and sires an heir more worthy than the despicable "Worried Grandson." -- FURIOUS IN COOKEVILLE, TENN.

DEAR FURIOUS: Your letter is a hoot. However, more important to a child's well-being than money are two loving parents to guide him or her into adulthood. And virile and vigorous as he may be, in order to provide that, Grandpa would have to have a lifespan to rival Biblical patriarchs.

You are not the only reader who was moved to comment on that letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Worried Grandson," who complained that his 96-year-old grandfather was wasting his inheritance on women half his age. I agree with you, Abby, "Worried" should be ashamed of himself.

I have an 84-year-old grandmother. I'd give anything to see her able to live such a life. She's a wonderful lady. She's miserable because she cannot take care of herself, and she hates being dependent. She's in a wheelchair and has almost no balance. She falls a lot and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it, short of putting her in a nursing home where she would be bedridden. She can no longer read. One of the most wonderful things she passed down to me is her great love of literature. My grandmother has little joy left in life.

"Worried" should be grateful that his grandfather can still care for himself and is enjoying life. He probably worked hard all his life to earn the money that he's spending. He has every right to do what he wants with his money. Instead of sitting around waiting for his grandfather to die, the grandson should be working to accumulate his own retirement money.

I am 16 years old, and I know that the greatest gift you can get from a grandparent is not money; it is love and knowledge. "Worried" could learn a lot from his grandfather, things that no book can teach. He could tell stories more precious than any amount of money. "Worried" should be less worried that Grandpa is hanging around with gold diggers than the fact that HE is one of them. -- GRATEFUL GRANDDAUGHTER, RICHARDSON, TEXAS

DEAR GRATEFUL GRANDDAUGHTER: You said it well. You are an intelligent and well-grounded young woman. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You missed the opportunity to educate "Worried Grandson" and others like him. No parent or grandparent is obligated to leave anything to his heirs; inheritances are gifts.

If "Worried" wants a REAL inheritance, he should spend time listening to his grandfather's stories about his life. That is where the true treasure lies. -- LUCKY GRANDDAUGHTER, PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR LUCKY GRANDDAUGHTER: If your grandparents could see your letter, I'm sure they would consider themselves the lucky ones.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)