DEAR ABBY: Every year, my husband and his co-workers get together for a holiday dinner at a nice restaurant. More than 20 of them participate. Most of the men are married, but most of the women who work there are single. The problem is that wives are not welcome at these parties.

My husband and I have been married two years. He says this is a nice tradition and that I shouldn't make waves about not being invited.

I can't believe the other wives are happy with this tradition, but to my knowledge, none of them openly object to it. Am I wrong to feel that both members of the couple should be invited to social functions? -- RESENTFUL IN SEATTLE

DEAR RESENTFUL: Yes, you are wrong. Your husband is an employee of the company and does not make the rules. Do not make him feel guilty for attending the dinner without you. These occasions are part of the job. There are plenty of other nights when you and your husband can enjoy a holiday dinner at a nice restaurant of your choosing. So please stop giving him heartburn.

DEAR ABBY: There are times when we all need a pick-me-up.

Yesterday I was having a terrible day. It just kept going downhill. I had spent several hours at my grandmother's nursing home, as I do every week. I enjoy being of service, but always leave with mixed emotions.

I made a quick stop at a department store to look for something new to wear. I found a beautiful pale blue dress that was a perfect fit. However, after I paid for it, I noticed that a section of the dress had separated due to some missing stitching. Just my luck. Then I remembered an alteration shop that had recently opened near my home and thought I'd give it a try.

The woman behind the counter admired the dress and assured me it would be no problem to fix. I sat for a few minutes while she mended my dress.

Well, she did more than that, Abby. That kind lady mended my heavy heart. When the dress was done, I grabbed my wallet to pay. She refused the money with a smile and said, "You pay next time" -- even though we both knew I wasn't a regular customer and there could very well never be a next time. Her act of kindness lifted me up when I needed a boost.

This is a reminder to people who may think that one simple act isn't all that monumental. I beg to differ. One simple gesture can turn someone's day around.

We can all do our part to make a gloomy day begin to shine by recognizing acts of kindness when we encounter them. There is a letter in the mail from me to the owners of that alteration shop, with a glowing report about their employee's generosity. -- PASS IT ON, FOLSOM, CALIF.

DEAR PASS IT ON: The lady in the alterations shop was more than a welcome ray of sunshine. She's an astute businesswoman with a flair for public relations. By making her gallant gesture, she assured that when you need alterations in the future, you'll consider her services. And I'll bet you have already mentioned her generosity to some of your friends and family.

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: It's the time of year to consider what to buy people for Christmas gifts. As a senior who is also handicapped, I would like you to know about one of the nicest gifts I ever received.

Last year, my neighbors presented me with a calendar. They told me to circle one day each month when they could take me out to dinner. I selected the 15th. They pick me up and take me to a nice restaurant I could never afford. I greatly enjoy their company.

Each time I get into their car -- even in July -- I wish them a Merry Christmas. -- SENIOR IN RICHMOND HEIGHTS, OHIO

DEAR SENIOR: What a terrific idea. It seems no sooner are the dishes put away from Thanksgiving dinner than it's time to start Christmas and Hanukkah shopping. And that means it's time to publish my list of gift ideas for senior citizens.

Readers, if you plan on sending holiday gifts, first let me tell you what NOT to send. Forget the cologne, aftershave and dusting powders unless you have first checked to see if they are welcome. Scents are highly distinctive (no pun intended), and not every perfume works on every person.

Never give a pet to anyone unless you are absolutely certain the person wants one and is able to properly care for it.

Do not give wine or liquor to people unless you're sure they imbibe.

Candy, nuts, confections and fruitcakes make beautiful gifts for folks who aren't counting calories, but have compassion for those who are, and don't lead them into temptation.

With the price of groceries going through the roof, many people on fixed incomes would appreciate a gift basket of goodies. How about small cans of tuna and chicken? Also include crackers, assorted flavored instant coffees, herbal teas, soup mixes and cookies.

Gift certificates are always welcome: for groceries, haircuts, manicures, dry cleaning, restaurant meals, theater tickets, videos and department stores. And don't forget prepaid long-distance calling cards.

Not all seniors drive, so bus passes and coupons for senior transportation or taxis are always welcome.

Large-print calendars with family birthdays, anniversaries, etc., marked and personalized with family photos make useful gifts, as do large-print address books with information transferred from the recipient's records.

Payment of utilities for a month or two can be sent directly to the utility -- then let the recipients know they have "extra" money to spend as they wish.

A cordless phone or answering machine is a handy gift.

Membership in a gym if the person wants to exercise.

A magnifying glass.

A cuddly robe and slippers with non-skid soles.

Sweatpants, sweatshirts and jogging shoes.

For someone who has a pet, send it a treat -- a can of dog or cat food, or a rawhide chewstick or catnip toy.

A subscription to a magazine or newspaper you know the person will enjoy is a thoughful gift.

Because medications are expensive, a gift certificate to the neighborhood pharmacy would be much appreciated. (Trust me.)

Stationery and stamps come in handy year-round. If you send them, be sure to include felt-tipped pens, too.

Loneliness is the ultimate poverty. Holidays can be depressing for people who are alone. So, if you know someone who could use an outing, give him or her the best gift of all -- an invitation to have a meal with you and your family.

If you ain't givin', you ain't livin'!

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR READERS: Today is Thanksgiving Day. It is an unusual Thanksgiving because some of the things we Americans have always assumed are no longer true. For the first time in the history of this country, the sense of personal security that the majority of us have taken for granted has been shaken.

And yet, if we look around we still have much for which to be thankful.

Let us offer thanks for the men and women in our armed forces who are separated from their families during this holiday season, who put their lives on the line to defend freedom and democracy and to preserve our American dream.

Let us offer thanks for our police and firefighters who put themselves at risk for us day and night in order to safeguard our lives and property.

Let us offer thanks for our medical personnel and health-care workers who go above and beyond the call of duty to preserve our health and well-being during these stressful times.

Let us offer thanks to our postal workers -- ever faithful, making sure the mail goes through in "rain, or hail, or sleet or snow" -- in spite of their concerns for their own health and safety. At a time when saboteurs have put dangerous toxins into the mails, these courageous men and women persevere every day to keep our citizens connected.

I am personally thankful to you, Dear Readers and fellow patriots, for sending me thousands of letters, poems, prayers and essays expressing your heartfelt thoughts about the events of Sept. 11. Thay are much appreciated.

Let us all be thankful that we live in a country where we worship as we choose, vote according to our consciences and publish our opinions without fear of reprisal.

President Franklin Delano Roosevelt said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." We are being tested, but we will prevail and emerge stronger in spite of the battles ahead -- on the home front as well as on foreign soil. Already we have forged international alliances that were never before possible.

And now, I'll repeat my Thanksgiving prayer. Perhaps you will want to use it at your table today:

Oh, heavenly Father,

We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

P.S. An afterthought: Remember, the surest cure for the holiday blues is to do something nice for someone else. Why not call someone who lives alone and invite him or her to share a meal? If your guest doesn't drive or doesn't like to go out alone after dark, offer to provide the transportation. Try it. And let me know the results. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Dear Abby is written by Pauline Phillips and daughter Jeanne Phillips.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)