DEAR ABBY: How is a great-grandmother supposed to feel when her great-grandchild calls to tell her he has a child who was born out of wedlock?

The father is 18 and the mother is 16. Both are school dropouts, no jobs and no place to call home.

I do not resent the baby. It did not ask to be born. But I do resent the idea of bringing an innocent child into the world out of wedlock.

My great-grandchild was baptised and brought up in the Catholic Church, but once he got out of our sight, he strayed and thinks nothing of "shacking up."

I don't care to have the baby's mother come to visit us, but I cannot turn them away if they come to my door. Please respond, before they call to say they're coming. -- DISGUSTED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR DISGUSTED: Your feelings are understandable and you are entitled to them. However, being kind and friendly doesn't mean you have to approve. You are under no obligation to invite them to your home -- but if they show up, be charitable. They need all the kindness they can get.

DEAR ABBY: While you're on the subject of pantyhose, this story may win the blue ribbon.

Fifteen years ago, we rented a sailing yawl with several friends to see the sights of the San Juan Islands in Washington state. When we arrived in Friday Harbor, my cousin Dave, an ingenious chemical engineer, bought several pair of cheap pantyhose at the local drugstore. When we asked why, he said mysteriously, "You'll see."

A few days later, we were moored in a shallow harbor off one of the islands. David had been fishing earlier that week and had saved some fish guts and heads. He stuffed them into the toes of the pantyhose, tied the waist to a rope, and lowered the rope into the calm waters until the pantyhose and bait hit the bottom. Fifteen minutes later, he pulled the rope up -- and there were several crabs dangling from the pantyhose. Apparently the claws of the crab caught in the mesh of the hosiery and they couldn't free themselves! We grabbed a colander and scooped crabs onto the deck every 15 minutes until we had reached our limit. After checking for correct size and gender, we kept the legal ones, boiled and cleaned them, and had a Crab Louie feast for dinner. Leave it to an engineer to figure out the most compact crab trap for seafood lovers. -- ELAINE JACOBS, TACOMA, WASH.

DEAR ELAINE: That was ingenious! And if you also have an appetite for catfish, read on:

DEAR ABBY: The letter from the lady who was on the road in an RV in Arizona prompts my own. They had a broken fan belt on their engine and a truck driver repaired it temporarily with a pair of pantyhose. The story reminded me of an experience we had years ago on a family camping and fishing trip.

When we got to the river, we discovered the men had forgotten to bring their net to catch minnows for bait. Well, sometimes a person has to get inventive. I went into the camper and came out with a pair of pantyhose. My son snapped a branch from a tree and attached the pantyhose to it. It made a first-class minnow net. Our fishermen got a pantyhose full of minnows, which attracted lots of delicious catfish. -- MARY THOMPSON, WATHENA, KAN.

DEAR MARY: Now that's one heck of a fish story if I ever heard one.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: About 10 years ago, a letter appeared in your column from a woman who was debating whether to return to college. She said if she attended part time, it would take eight years to get a degree, and she'd be 45 years old. You told her in eight years she would be 45 years old anyway, and not to let that dissuade her. Your response struck a chord with me.

Shortly after reading that column, I decided to go back to school. I had attended college twice in my early 20s, but lacking direction, I dropped out twice. I always knew I was smart, but I was ashamed to say I had only a high school education.

So, at 38, I visited my local community college and talked to a counselor. I was terrified. I had no idea how to enroll in classes or what classes to take.

Going back to school was the best thing I ever did. It opened my mind to new ideas and improved my self-confidence and self-esteem. I found that being an older adult in a class of younger people was not so bad. I had a wealth of personal experience to draw upon, and although I had to budget my time and study hard, I had no problem getting good grades.

It took seven years, but I graduated from a university with a B.S. with honors and a 3.96 GPA. I was 44 years old and the first in my family to graduate from college. My entire family came to the ceremony. It was one of the proudest moments in my life.

Since graduation, I have received two promotions at work and am currently working on my master's degree. I will be 50 by the time I finish.

Abby, I want to thank you for printing that letter. During the years I was working full time and attending school, I never forgot your reply to that woman. It was my "rallying cry" and kept me motivated. -- ELLEN CONLEY, OAK HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR ELLEN: Every time I print that letter or one similar, I receive letters such as yours. The rewards you are enjoying have come because of your own efforts, and I'm sure your letter will serve as a "rallying cry," as well as an inspiration, to many others.

Congratulations on your academic and business successes. They are well earned.

DEAR ABBY: I had to respond to the letter from "Proud to Be Me in California," who had been teased from early childhood. "Proud" developed an eating disorder and became convinced she was flawed. A friend told her to reaffirm her goodness and belief in herself by saying out loud that she was a beautiful and special human being.

This reminded me of a story my husband told. He was a performer and appeared several times on the "Ed Sullivan Show." One night he was standing in the wings waiting to go on. Sammy Davis Jr. was going on ahead of him.

Sammy wore a large ring. Just before he made his entrance, he kissed his ring several times -- each time saying, "You're a star. You're a star." -- MRS. VAUGHN MEADER

DEAR MRS. MEADER: Sometimes even people who seem to have everything need to give themselves a pep talk. Like your husband, Sammy Davis Jr. was a brilliant talent. If that was the secret of his success, it certainly worked.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am responding to the letter from "Lost Mother in the Midwest," who suddenly left her family because she was overwhelmed with personal problems and felt unneeded and alone. I know what it's like to be one of the children left behind, and I cannot be silent.

Following are some suggestions I would like to offer for "Lost Mother": First, get professional counseling so you understand what led you to do such a thing. Everyone has problems -- that's part of life. However, you must have the courage to face up to what you've done so you can forgive yourself.

Second, when you're stable enough, contact your children to let them know that you're OK and that you realize you mishandled the situation. They need to know that you are seeking help and that you love them. They will be angry, but they are entitled to their feelings. It will begin the healing process. No matter how painful it may be, it is easier than carrying around a lifetime of guilt and pain.

Third, give your family time to sort out their feelings. At first, they may be reluctant to reconcile with you. It will take time and understanding, and may not produce the kind of relationship you are immediately hoping for.

Last, don't delay! Your doubts and fears might cause you to chicken out. You left your family, so it's your responsibility to make the first move. Every day you wait causes more pain and suffering. Life is too short to prolong this separation. It will be worth it in the end. I wish you and your children well.

I speak from experience. Our mom left us when we were very young. It has been 30 years since we've had any contact with her. We've done everything we know to find her, with no luck.

If I could somehow communicate a message to our mom, it would be this: Everyone makes mistakes, but we can try to make up for them. Love and forgiveness can go a long way. The few memories and mementos we have of you suggest that you were a very loving mother. Your children are well-adjusted, happy people, and we hope this will bring you some comfort. We have forgiven you and want you to know we love you. We still live in the same state where you left us. Life is getting shorter, and we would love to have the opportunity to spend the rest of it with you. So what do you say, Mom? It's your move. -- THE SECOND OF THREE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SECOND: I pray your mother sees your letter and realizes how much a reunion would mean to her children. Where there is life, there is hope.

DEAR ABBY: The reader who claimed the funny story about the drunken geese who were plucked because the owner thought they were dead plagiarized it from "Revenge of the Lawn," written and published by Richard Brautigan. The person probably meant no harm, but Mr. Brautigan deserves acknowledgment. If I'm not mistaken, his book came out in the mid-'60s. -- CYNTHIA PECK, TORONTO

DEAR CYNTHIA: Thank you for the information. Back in 1985 when I first printed the drunken geese story, no one wrote to inform me that it had been taken from a published book. Interestingly, this time several readers have sent me versions of the story, and each of them have claimed it is a true story from their family history.

I'm pleased that Mr. Brautigan has now received the credit he deserves.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)