DEAR ABBY: I would like to respond to "All Alone in Tucson, Ariz.," the 14-year-old girl who had a miscarriage and is afraid to tell her mother.

Just weeks before my 16th birthday, I was raped by a longtime friend. I found out I was pregnant when I had a miscarriage the day before Thanksgiving. That was 10 years ago. Like "All Alone," I told no one. It was the loneliest time in my life. I sought medical care, weathered the changes in my body and shouldered the painful loss all by myself.

To this day, my mother has no idea. I am now in therapy and learning to cope with what happened. It has been a slow process. I should have started 10 years ago.

I pray "All Alone" takes your advice. It can spare her years of confusion, loss and pain. Looking back, I wish I had spoken with an adult -- a teacher, clergyperson, a counselor -- anyone who had the life experience and compassion I desperately needed.

"All Alone" should join a support group either in her community or online. Pregnancy loss, no matter what the circumstances of conception, can be devastating. -- FINDING PEACE IN NEVADA

DEAR FINDING PEACE: That's true. I'm sorry you didn't call your local rape crisis hotline at the time of your assault. It might have saved you years of pain.

An excellent resource for parents grieving the loss of a baby through stillbirth, miscarriage or newborn death is a group called SHARE Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Inc. SHARE is a nondenominational, not-for-profit organization that provides grief resolution and healing following the death of a baby. It can be reached at SHARE, St. Joseph Health Center, 300 First Capitol Drive, St. Charles, MO 63301-2893; or call (800) 821-6819, or on the Internet at www.nationalshareoffice.com.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 17, I experienced the same thing "All Alone" did. The difference is, I did tell my mother, and she was extremely supportive.

My mother often quotes what my grandmother used to say: "God gives you only what you can handle." Abby, I live that philosophy. What Mom didn't know, but God did, was that I was in an abusive relationship with my boyfriend. I was punched, screamed at and blamed for every bad thing that happened to him.

I am now 33, married to a wonderful man who loves me, and have two beautiful children whom I love with all my heart. My mom was right, "God gives you only what you can handle." -- BEEN THERE IN INDIANA

DEAR BEEN THERE: I share that philosophy, and I'm pleased your story had a happy ending. However, no teen should remain in an abusive relationship out of fear or intimidation. I advise younger readers who may be in an abusive relationship to seek help from a trusted adult. If none is available, the National Hope Hotline for Youth Crisis and Suicide, (800) 784-2433, will listen and refer teens in trouble to local agencies.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to "All Alone in Tucson, Ariz.," who is 14 and had a miscarriage. I had a similar experience. I, too, began having sex at an early age. It caused a lot of problems I am still dealing with in adulthood.

Sex is not fun and games. It can ruin your self-esteem faster than a speeding bullet. Once you lose your self-esteem, it can take years to get back.

Also, having sex without regular visits to a gynecologist can jeopardize your fertility. In other words, when you finally find a man who deserves you, you may not be able to get pregnant. That's what happened to me, and it is heartbreaking.

I hope "All Alone" gets to a doctor and resolves her issues with her mother. They need to talk. It's important that she tell her mother that she needs her guidance. Boys come and go, but the mother-daughter bond lasts forever. -- FINDING MY WAY BACK IN SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR FINDING: I'm sorry you have to learn these life lessons the hard way. I hope "All Alone" will learn from your experience and take your advice. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: We mothers need to remind ourselves that when our daughters are teen-agers, it's not important whether their room is neat or what kinds of clothes they wear. It's more important that they know we care for them -- that we'll always be there for them no matter what happens in life. Many times mothers are the primary source of support and love. We must fulfill that role.

The only thing "All Alone" wants is the assurance that someone cares for her unconditionally. She wanted love from the boy who shunned her, from the child she lost, and from the mother she feels will "kill" her when she finds out she was having sex.

A mother's job is not so much to teach a child how to make a bed, study hard, or even not to have sex before marriage, as much as it must be to love her child, make sure he or she knows it every day, and to teach the child to love him or herself. If a mother can do these things, the child will be empowered to live life in a positive way. -- A MOTHER WHO LEARNED IN TIME

DEAR MOTHER: You have said it beautifully.

DEAR ABBY: You should have told "All Alone" that there are helpful agencies like Planned Parenthood that provide help for teen-agers without requiring legal consent of an adult. Not only can they provide medical attention to ensure that "All Alone" is safe and can have children in the future, but they provide the emotional support and peer counseling necessary to give her confidence and renewed self-esteem.

In an ideal world, parents would all be approachable and helpful in a crisis. If they were, perhaps there would be no crisis. Since an ideal world doesn't exist, helpful agencies do -- thank God. -- TEEN ADVOCATE IN NAPA, CALIF.

DEAR TEEN ADVOCATE: I'm glad you wrote. I have long been a supporter of Planned Parenthood, which offers a full range of reproductive health services for both men and women, including premarital blood testing, contraceptive services, prenatal care and counseling -- to name only a few.

Tomorrow I'll share more of the letters I have received from young women who identified with "All Alone's" experience.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Your readers who have expressed concern about hungry children in their communities expose one of our nation's worst secrets.

Despite our abundance, some 12 million American children are not getting the food they need because low-wage jobs don't permit their parents to pay the rent, pay medical bills and still buy enough food. My colleagues in the scientific community agree that the cost of child hunger is simply too steep to ignore. Even the mildest form of under-nutrition robs children of their natural abilities, sapping their capacity to think and diminishing the value of their classroom education.

Fortunately, we have some answers to this problem in the form of EXISTING federal child-nutrition programs -- school lunch, breakfast, summer food, and after-school snacks and meals. The federal government reimburses states and schools for the cost of the meals, and any school or qualified community agency can use these programs to ensure that no child goes hungry.

Abby, these programs have been proven to work. Research shows that kids who get fed are sick less, pay more attention in class, and even do better on standardized achievement tests. The problem is that many districts offer only lunch and not the other programs.

Please tell your readers they can help to end hunger by seeing that responsible adults in their communities fully use these programs to protect the youngsters who need them. -- DR. J. LARRY BROWN, BRANDEIS UNIVERSITY, BOSTON

DEAR DR. BROWN: Thank you for an important letter. Ending hunger seems overwhelming to many people. However, there are things we can all do to end this disgrace. I recently participated in a national child hunger symposium, led on a bipartisan basis by Sharon Davis, wife of California governor Gray Davis, and Columba Bush, wife of Florida governor Jeb Bush. A national initiative to address this issue is being led by actor/activist Jeff Bridges and the Entertainment Industry Foundation. It is designed to mobilize elected officials and educators in all 50 states to end childhood hunger, in part by ensuring that these available and effective programs reach the vulnerable children who need them. It offers a remedy for a problem that no longer needs to endanger millions of our youngest citizens.

Readers interested in expanding these programs in their communities should visit the Entertainment Industry Foundation Web site at www.hungerfreeamerica.org or write: Hunger Free America -- DA, 11132 Ventura Blvd., Suite 401, Studio City, CA 91604.

DEAR ABBY: I want to tell you about a little boy named Jakub. His family went to the Dominican Republic for a vacation. They could not believe the poverty they saw there. Jake's parents caught him trying to give away his shoes, but they were too small for the other child.

Jake returned home and told his Uncle Tony, who owns a construction company: "You have to go there with me and my parents and bring your men. We have to build houses for those kids."

Abby, Jakub is 4 years old. I love that kid. -- LEO R. LALONDE, EASTPOINTE, MICH.

DEAR LEO: From the mouths of babes. Jakub is not only a caring and generous child, but wise beyond his years.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)