DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Hurting in Virginia," the distraught widow who discovered her previously married husband still carried snapshots of his first wife in his wallet, resonated with me. She feared that it meant he was still in love with his first wife.

I have been happily married for 15 years. We have three great children. My husband's wallet is literally falling apart, so I bought him a new one and gave him updated pictures of the children. They remained in his nightstand drawer. After a few years, I even put the most current pictures into the new wallet and mentioned to him that I had done it so he would throw away the old wallet and start using the new one.

You guessed it. The new wallet is still in the drawer.

Please assure "Hurting" that cleaning the wallet was probably such a low priority it never crossed her husband's mind. -- VERY MUCH IN LOVE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR IN LOVE: You have already done an excellent job of that. Talk about letters that generate letters -- read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have an old boyfriend who was to be married, but right before the wedding the "lady" ripped him off. She ran up his credit cards, wrecked his credit and broke his heart. This happened almost 10 years ago.

He still carries her picture in his wallet -- so he can sit on her face. -- LISA IN INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR LISA: Or maybe it's to remind himself where he felt the pain.

DEAR ABBY: For some reason, we seem to want to look for hidden or ulterior motives rather than simple, straightforward ones. Being a man, my first thought while reading that letter was, "I bet he hadn't cleaned out his wallet in years." It's the same thought that was echoed in your P.S. -- AN UNTIDY MALE IN L.A.

DEAR MALE: Many readers said the same thing.

DEAR ABBY: My parents died within 17 days of each other. I had the grim task of taking apart a household and sorting through personal belongings. It was a year and a half before I could bring myself to go through their wallets, but I had to laugh when I finally did.

There were membership cards that had expired 20 years earlier, sales receipts, phone numbers with only five digits -- can you remember that far back? There was also the worst photo of me ever taken.

I wish I had photographed the contents of those wallets and that "Hurting" could see it. It would put her worries to rest and provide a much needed laugh. -- ANNE IN PERU, IND.

DEAR ANNE: I believe it. One reader related that when she finally got around to cleaning out her own wallet, she discovered a store coupon that had expired in 1989.

DEAR ABBY: One day, a neighbor of mine who had been divorced for many years received an unexpected phone call. It was from a nurse in the local hospital emergency room calling to say that her husband was seriously ill.

My neighbor rushed to the hospital. When she entered what she thought was her husband's room, whom should she find instead but her ex! When he opened his eyes and saw her, he moaned, "Oh my God, have I died and gone to hell?"

It seems the former husband hadn't cleaned out his wallet after he got rid of his wife. She was still the person named as his next of kin! -- FLORENCE IN OTTAWA, CANADA

DEAR FLORENCE: Thanks for an amusing letter with a useful message. I'm sure it will inspire a lot of procrastinators to clean out their wallets today.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were dining out and heard a cell phone ring. A woman seated in the booth next to us took a phone out of her purse and proceeded to carry on a 20-minute conversation. By the time she hung up, we knew her name, address, phone number, the ages of her three daughters and that the girls were home alone.

As the couple prepared to leave, I approached her and said we had overheard her conversation -- and to please think of her children's safety when talking on her cell phone in public. Her reply? "We keep a rottweiler in our yard."

Her husband threw a business card down on our table, said, "Here's our address. Let's just see you around our house!" and stormed out. My husband then chewed me out for not minding my own business.

I was polite, not demeaning in any way. I simply pointed out that in this day and age, it's better to be careful when you talk in the presence of strangers.

Abby, don't people care about one another anymore? Was I out of line? The couple's reaction -- and my husband's -- really got to me. Thanks for letting me vent. -- GRANDMOTHER OF FIVE IN NORTH TEXAS

DEAR GRANDMOTHER: I believe people still care about one another. However, your good deed brought about some peculiar dynamics. Your comment embarrassed that naive woman because you made her realize that she had, indeed, put her children at risk. The husband saw his wife's embarrassment and jumped to her defense. Had that man been any more rude, your husband would have had to defend you -- and it could have caused a serious altercation. (That's why your husband chewed you out.)

Be comforted in the knowledge that I probably would have reacted exactly as you did. This would be a sad world, indeed, if nobody tried to help anybody.

DEAR ABBY: I am a health teacher in a middle school. Part of the curriculum calls for the students to learn about the dangers of substance abuse. I asked my 13-year-old students if their parents had talked with them about drugs. To my surprise, most of the students volunteered that their parents had not shared their views on drug abuse. They left that to the health teacher: Me!

I decided to tell my students this: "I will use short words and sentences that we all understand. Do not try drugs. Do not start them. If you think that no one cares about you, you are wrong. I care about you. I think about all of you every day and worry about your future. I will listen to you. I don't care what your hair looks like. I don't care if you have a pierced nose. I care about you as a person. Drugs will destroy your future. I, for one, want you to have a great one."

Abby, I wish parents understood that their children need to hear this message directly from them -- not from me. -- HEALTH TEACHER IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR HEALTH TEACHER: You're right. And if parents are at a loss for words, they should save your letter and read your heartfelt plea to their children. It's one of the most important messages they can convey, because silence implies indifference.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I love my husband and don't want to lose him. He has always been my knight in shining armor, but I now know for a fact that he's cheating.

Last night he left for a week to be with a woman he paid to fly here. She does not know he's married. Actually, there is a lot she doesn't know.

I have always lived by the poem that says if you love something -- set it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours, but if it doesn't, it never belonged to you in the first place.

Abby, this man has left and come back to me five times! Each time, he tells me he loves me, and I believe him. I should mention that he is from London, and I am a native Texan, still living in the town where I grew up. England is where SHE is from -- and where he always goes.

My husband accuses me of trying to take away his friends and control him. Believe me, I am not. All I ever wanted was a peaceful, happy life with the man I love.

What should I do? I feel like a fool, but I love my husband dearly. -- WIFE WITH AN ACHING HEART

DEAR WIFE: While the poem you have paraphrased has a lovely message, I seriously doubt that your troubled marriage was what the poet had in mind.

You say the woman doesn't know your husband is married. That means he's cheating on both of you. You and the English ladyfriend are overdue for a truth session.

Texas women are supposed to be tough. Ask yourself, "What would Ann Richards do?" Tell him to get back in the corral or you'll turn him into a gelding. Your wandering spouse may have been born in England, but that doesn't entitle him to bolt whenever he feels like it.

DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from "Tired and Worried in the Midwest," a 21-year-old mother of a 19-month-old child. She was separated from an abusive husband and said she did not know how to handle her daughter's constant crying. You suggested she see a pediatrician for a referral to a child psychiatrist.

As a licensed marriage and family therapist, here's what I think: "Tired and Worried" appears to be a young, inexperienced mom who has lost control of her own life. Her 19-month-old may not need to see a child psychiatrist nearly as much as this young mother needs a parenting skills class. They are offered at local adult education programs or community colleges, as well as the YMCA and many churches.

"Tired and Worried" could also use some personal therapy to help untangle herself from her controlling family, as well as develop assertion skills that may prevent her from getting into another abusive relationship. She can find referrals for low-fee counseling in the phone book or from her local community mental health agencies.

When this young woman wrote, "I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown," it was a cry for help that's needed before she -- or her baby -- are injured. -- JAELLINE JAFFE, PH.D.

DEAR DR. JAFFE: Your solution may be better than the one I offered. However, before finding a therapist listed in the phone book, it's preferable to get a referral from a physician. They usually refer to someone they know whose expertise they trust.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)