DEAR ABBY: My about-to-be-ex-husband and I have friends who should be notified that he has a new address and phone number. He agrees that we should let our friends know before Christmas.

I am planning to create announcements on my computer and mail them to the people on our Christmas card list. What do you think? Is it acceptable to send divorce announcements? -- DIVORCED IN KANSAS

DEAR DIVORCED: Yes, and it's a subject that has been addressed before in my column.

While a computer-generated announcement may seem like less work, a more personal touch would be to write a short note to your friends and family that you and "John" have amicably gone your separate ways.

Since you're no longer a couple, your former husband should shoulder the responsibility for notifying his friends and relatives about his contact information.

Read on for my favorite tongue-in-cheek divorce announcements:

SPLIT!!

After six years

Lester and Betty

Have seen the light.

Married Nov. 8, 1966

Divorced Nov. 6, 1972

Both are happily back

in circulation.

Call Lester: 555-6500 (after 9:00 p.m.)

Betty: 555-1115 (any time)

IT'S OFFICIAL

Coleen and Michael G. Lamour

have parted amicably and

without rancor.

Coleen is once again happily

Ms. Coleen Mahoney

Residing at the Honeycreek Towers.

Michael's permanent residence

is now on his boat: "I, Pagliacci,"

Where he will continue to drift

aimlessly ... forever!

WITH HAPPY HEARTS

Lionel and Jane

announce with pleasure

the severance of all

legal and/or other bonds

that may have existed

between their daughter

Janet and That Boy.

With the new month of August

Janet enters into a new

and beautiful single life.

As for That Boy --

May the Great Honcho in the sky

love him and keep him --

someplace else.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After days of meeting in Vatican City, the U.S. cardinals came to an official agreement on zero tolerance for child molesters. They say, "One strike and you're out."

I am enraged and deeply saddened that it took a group of grown men a trip halfway around the globe to conclude the obvious. Were they perhaps considering other options -- like THREE strikes and you're out? The real humdinger is that they will not necessarily apply the zero-tolerance rule to priests who molested children years ago but have repented and are well-received by their community. Where is the debate? Child molester. I'll say it again ... CHILD MOLESTER! It's time to take these people away from our children and our churches and put them in jail where they belong. -- LAURA IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR LAURA: I'm sure the majority of American Catholics agree with you. However, let's not bash the priesthood, which has many dedicated members. The problem of abuse of a trusted position exists in every religion and in every profession. The disgrace in this case is that information was suppressed and ignored for decades.

Among the letters I have received on this subject was one from a man in the Midwest, who wrote:

"As a young boy, I was molested by my priest. I thought I had brought it on myself, and I was so ashamed I never told a soul about it. Because of the recent revelations about the church, I finally found the courage to confide what happened to my closest friend. Do you know what his response was? 'It happened to me, too.'

"Abby, I wonder how many others there are like me and my friend -- who were also molested and never spoke up."

That's a good question. I urge any reader who was molested by anyone as a child to come forward and bring it to light by reporting it TO THE POLICE. A victim has no reason to feel guilt or shame. Those are emotions that should be felt by the perpetrator of such a crime. Reporting molestation not only begins the process of healing for the victim, but could also prevent other children from becoming victims, too.

DEAR ABBY: Three or four months ago, my "Aunt Rosa" hosted a "get-acquainted" luncheon and invited several of her new neighbors. One neighbor, "Mrs. Miller," complimented Aunt Rosa on her delicious Mexican casserole.

The following week, Mrs. Miller called Aunt Rosa and announced that she had broken her back. Then she asked if my aunt would prepare dinner for her -- and to please make it her "scrumptuous" Mexican casserole. Aunt Rosa was flattered. She said she was happy to help her in her time of need. Before hanging up, Mrs. Miller threw in that she'd like my aunt to pick up a dessert for her -- and to make the casserole for six, because she was having company!

Abby, Aunt Rosa spent a lot of time and money -- and never received so much as a "thank you" for her efforts. Mrs. Miller's husband even had the nerve to show up at my aunt's house with his daughter to sell her some Girl Scout cookies. Aunt Rosa said Mr. Miller looked perfectly healthy. He could have made the Mexican casserole himself or ordered take-out. I am still furious that my Aunt Rosa was treated in this despicable manner. Your thoughts, please. -- DISGUSTED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR DISGUSTED: How do you say "chutzpah" in Spanish? Mrs. Miller needs to hear it -- and so does Aunt Rosa.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am the executive secretary for the president of a large national company. My office overlooks the entrance to the building, so I see everyone who enters or leaves. A few months ago, while standing at my window talking to a male staff member, I saw a woman I'll call "Lois" leave the building, get into a car and leave with the driver. I commented to the staffer, "Isn't that nice? There's Lois leaving for lunch with her husband." The man replied, "That's not her husband; that's her latest boyfriend."

Abby, I have seen Lois leave and return in that car at least twice a week for months. I assumed it was her husband because she has kissed this man goodbye right outside my office window on many occasions.

The staffer then told me about the affair he'd had with Lois that nearly ended his marriage -- and I believe it, because a few days ago I spotted her leaving with the man again and followed them. I now regret it because I was appalled at what I saw when they parked in a remote area. She began undressing in the car!

Most people think Lois is a loving wife and mother. She is liked by her manager and co-workers. Should I go to human resources and report this? What if they don't believe me? How will this reflect on me? I see her in-laws in church every Sunday and at church functions. Should I just sit back and not mention the immorality?

My heart tells me to act one way; my head tells me it could affect my job in the long term. Please advise, but don't reveal my name or location. -- BETWIXT AND BETWEEN IN CORPORATE AMERICA

DEAR B AND B: Listen to your head. Lois is doing her job and has the respect of her supervisor and co-workers. For you to have followed her on her lunch hour was a mistake. You are not the local representative of the ministry of virtue and vice. If you report this woman's marital infidelity, you will earn the reputation of company busybody.

Sooner or later, Lois' affair will come to light. However, her private life is none of your business -- and if you are wise, you will not make it so. If you feel morally obligated, the person you should talk to is Lois.

Your letter brought to mind another one that appeared in the column years ago:

DEAR ABBY: We work in a large office. Our office manager -- I'll call him "Marvin" -- is a middle-aged family man. The boss's secretary, "Sissy," is a shapely young divorcee. Since Sissy came to work here, she and Marvin have been spending a lot of time together in the file room with the door locked. What they do in there is their business, but we're tired of covering for them when the boss comes looking for Sissy. What do you suggest? -- THE OFFICE GANG

DEAR GANG: Next time the boss comes looking for Sissy, tell him to look in the file room under "Marvin."

DEAR ABBY: I am going to a fund-raising party held in a park in San Francisco. The invitation says the dress is "casual sheik." Do you have any idea what that means? -- LOST IN S.F.

DEAR LOST: Unless the theme is Middle Eastern, the word should be "chic." In this case that means the dress should be "dressy casual."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)