DEAR ABBY: You were far too hard on the boyfriend of "Frustrated in Texas," who avoided social events and wanted to elope with her instead of having a big wedding. You seemed to hold him responsible for his anxiety, as if he were doing it on purpose.

From his description, he sounds like someone who suffers from social phobia. This is a very treatable psychiatric illness that can incapacitate people. As with panic disorder, it responds well to both medication and behavioral modification.

I have treated many patients who felt their lives were changed by the simple addition of a medication that controlled their panic in social situations. Please urge this man to see his doctor so he and his fiancee can have the large wedding of her dreams. -- GEORGE L. CHAPPELL, M.D., PROVIDENCE/ST. PETER HOSPITAL, OLYMPIA, WASH.

DEAR DR. CHAPPELL: Thank you for your informative letter. While many people suffer from varying degrees of social insecurity, this is the first time I have heard it classified as a psychiatric disorder that can be treated with medication. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am one of your male readers. Six months before my wedding, I became increasingly concerned that my social anxiety disorder would wreak havoc on the event for myself, my fiancee and 250 of our friends and family.

Ever since I was 6, I've had difficulty speaking in public, particularly when I'm the center of attention. The thought of saying "I do" in front of so many people turned my stomach. Determined to do something about it, I signed up for a 10-week course of group therapy for sufferers of social anxiety disorder.

As my wedding day approached, I was calm, cool and relaxed. When the clergywoman asked if I would take my fiancee to be my lawfully wedded wife, with confidence I responded, "I do!" -- HAPPILY MARRIED IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR HAPPILY MARRIED: I'm pleased that group therapy was helpful to you. You were wise to see the need and do something about it.

DEAR ABBY: I am an introverted, quiet man married to a vivacious, gregarious woman for more than 27 years. We have found that our opposite temperaments complement each other and help each of us to develop characteristics we previously lacked. My wife brought me out of my shell and helped me to appreciate the value of a social life.

I'm sure "Frustrated" and her fiance could compromise about their wedding plans if they see their disagreement as a problem to solve rather than a battle to win. If they are not capable of compromise, they are not mature enough to be married. -- ENCHANTED WITH LIFE IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR ENCHANTED: You're right. Compromise is an important ingredient in every successful relationship.

DEAR ABBY: How do I write thank-you notes for gifts I dislike? No matter how I word it, I end up feeling dishonest and insincere. -- BLOCKED WRITER IN SANTA MONICA

DEAR BLOCKED: It is not dishonest or insincere to thank people for their generosity, or the time and trouble they spend finding a gift for you. If you keep that in mind next time you're faced with the task of writing a thank-you note, I'm sure the words will come more easily.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been engaged to "Zack" for three years, but I don't know if I should marry him. My family has never approved of him, and they have put second thoughts into my head.

Zack has been in prison for the last two years and wants us to be married as soon as he gets out, which will be in another three years.

When I read his letters or visit him, he scares me. Prison has changed Zack so much I hardly recognize him anymore. Since he has been incarcerated, he's been on anti-psychotic drugs and anti-depressants and sees a therapist every month. He has become almost obsessive toward me. He says things like he will be with me "for all eternity" and "till death do us part," and, "If you ever leave me, I will kill myself."

He does not know about my doubts. Should I tell him? Should I break the engagement? Should I marry him? I have so many questions. Zack is not the same guy I fell in love with years ago, and I don't know what to do. -- LACKING CONVICTION IN TEXAS

DEAR LACKING: This is a decision only you can make. Your fiance is not the only one who has changed -- you have changed, too.

Please bear in mind that this man wouldn't be on anti-psychotic medication if he didn't have serious mental problems. Life doesn't always deal us the hand we want, but we are all responsible for our own lives and our own survival. Threatening suicide to force you to stay in the relationship is a classic form of manipulation.

If you're going to break the engagement, do it NOW -- while he has access to a psychotherapist and he is somewhere where he cannot act out on impulse.

DEAR ABBY: I have known I was gay since I was a young girl. My family was very close-minded, so I never told them. In an attempt to be "normal," I married a nice man and had four children. However, I was miserable and divorced him several years ago.

I have since met a wonderful woman. Her name is "Beth" and we're very much in love. She has been "out" for 12 years and her family is comfortable with her sexual orientation. I told my mother that Beth and I are moving in together, and surprisingly, she is very understanding. My grown children are also fine about it, but I don't know what to tell my other family members -- especially my grandparents. They will see this as a failure on their part.

Should I just not tell them? -- KATY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR KATY: If you think they can't handle an announcement from you, then don't make one. Live your own life. They may catch on eventually.

P.S. You may also find that they really like your partner and they're not as naive as you think.

DEAR ABBY: What do you think about a husband who would send a naked picture of his wife to another couple over the Internet? That's what happened to me, and I found out about it purely by accident.

My husband didn't lie to me about it -- he simply didn't tell me at all! Is this a person you would trust? -- FURIOUS IN YOUNGSTOWN, OHIO

DEAR FURIOUS: Certainly not. Your husband is either extremely immature or he's soliciting the other couple in an attempt at an "open" marriage. He owes you a complete explanation as well as a heartfelt apology for exposing you.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: As a senior in college, I have learned many things, but I have one important lesson to share with anyone who is just beginning a college career.

In my freshman year, I was bombarded with credit card applications promising great rates and free merchandise for signing up. I couldn't resist accepting, but promised myself I would use credit cards only for emergencies.

Well, here I am about to graduate and I now owe several thousand dollars on my cards. I calculated that if I pay only the minimum each month, it will take me 12 years to pay off what I owe. The sad fact is that I have nothing to show for this debt. Much of it was for meals with friends, going out to clubs and living beyond my means.

Some tips I wish I had been given to me before signing up for those cards:

(1) Live within your means. College can be about having fun, but you can do that without going into debt. Be creative and expand your horizons.

(2) If you cannot pay cash for a meal at a restaurant, do not eat out. Eat at the school cafeteria or make a sandwich.

(3) The new CD or DVD you want will still be around when you can afford it. Listen to the radio or rent a movie instead of buying it on credit.

(4) Rather than going to a club or movie with a group of friends, find inexpensive activities (like playing cards or board games) and spend your evening enjoying them. You'll be amazed at what you can save.

(5) If your college offers a class on managing credit and credit cards -- take it! If you have already resolved never to rely on credit, it will only reinforce that decision.

I hope you deem this letter important enough to print, Abby. Credit card debt is a huge problem for many college students. I should know. -- COLLEGE SENIOR WHO LEARNED THE HARD WAY

DEAR COLLEGE SENIOR: Thank you for your timely warning for freshmen entering college this fall. And now I have one for you: You have learned an expensive lesson. Credit counseling may help you consolidate your debts and ensure that you don't destroy your credit history before you have even established one. Check your phone directory for a list of credit counseling services or visit www.nfcc.org to locate one that's a member of the National Foundation for Consumer Credit (NFCC).

Good luck, grad!

DEAR READERS: Today is Father's Day. I offer good wishes not only to fathers everywhere, but also to those caring individuals who donate their time mentoring youngsters whose fathers are absent or deceased.

Many readers have asked me for a prayer in memory of a father who is no longer living. The following is from my Hebrew Union Prayer Book. It is one that is recited on Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. It is also available in my "Keepers" booklet:

IN MEMORY OF A FATHER

"Thy memory, my dear father, fills my soul at this solemn hour. It revives in me thoughts of the love and friendliness which thou didst bestow upon me. The thought of these inspires me to a life of virtue; and when my pilgrimage on earth is ended and I shall arrive at the throne of mercy, may I be worthy of thee in the sight of God and man. May our merciful Father reward thee for the faithfulness and kindness thou has ever shown me; may he grant thee eternal peace. Amen."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)