DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are near retirement age. We have a daughter, "Annette," who has five children by four different men. Annette has always managed to dump the father after each child was born. She was married to the last one, but after he caught her cheating, he asked for a divorce.

When each relationship ended, Annette would come home to live with us. We felt it was our obligation to help until she got back on her feet. However, she continued to reproduce haphazardly.

We love our grandchildren, Abby, but the last time Annette told us she was coming back, we told her this time she was on her own. We have six other children who occasionally have problems. We didn't think it was fair to devote all of our attention to Annette when her problems are self-inflicted.

Two years ago, Annette disowned us. We're at an impasse and miss our grandchildren terribly. Do you think we did the right thing? What should we do now? -- TWO GRANDPARENTS IN TWIN FALLS

DEAR GRANDPARENTS: Stick to your guns. You gave your daughter a dose of reality -- because the truth is, you won't always be there to rescue her. Being told to stand on one's own two feet is never pleasant, but she shouldn't have retaliated in the way she did. Wait it out and pray she grows up before her children do.

DEAR ABBY: A longtime family friend's son is being married at the end of the month. Our families were extremely close and the boys have been best friends for years. I say "were" close because about six years ago, I was terribly despondent and attempted suicide. After that, these close family friends would have nothing to do with me. We had gone everywhere together and they were my son's godparents.

I can't begin to tell you how traumatic the loss of this friendship has been. We run into each other occasionally, and she is always friendly toward me, but that is where it ends. Her son still stops by to see me and we get along well.

Today my son received an invitation to the wedding addressed only to him. He is 25 years old and has his own apartment. He called to tell me the date and told me to mark it on my calendar. I said, "I'll check my invitation when it arrives." He replied, "You won't be getting one."

Abby, am I supposed to be his guest? I don't know how to take this. I feel very hurt and slighted that I wasn't sent my own invitation. This is causing problems between my son and me. Could you please help? -- SAD IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SAD: Since you did not receive a wedding invitation, it's safe to assume your presence is not welcome. I agree that you should not attend.

Your "longtime friend" might be a member of a religion that considers suicide an unpardonable sin, or she may have felt incapable of dealing with your emotional problems and therefore chose to distance herself from you. Whatever her reason, it's clear she doesn't understand that what caused your suicide attempt was depression, not a flaw in your character.

Instead of attending the wedding as your son's "guest," send the happy couple a lovely congratulatory card with a personal note. Your thoughtfulness will send a strong message that you are the same kind, loving person you always were.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Ross" and I have been married for 17 years. We have two beautiful children. Two years ago, he took a one-week vacation by himself outside the United States. When he returned, he told me he had been with other women and needed to be tested for STDs. I was devastated, but I forgave him for the sake of the children. I never bring it up, but it still hurts.

Last night, Ross informed me that he is going again. This time he is taking along a single male friend. I asked him to promise me he will remain faithful, but he refuses to discuss it. He says he intends to go and have a good time, and that we can talk about it the day before he leaves -- which is three months away. I told him it was emotional abuse. He just laughed.

Am I being unreasonable? -- BROKENHEARTED IN BIRMINGHAM

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: Not at all. However, now that you have been put on notice, you have serious decisions to make about your future. Are you willing to again tolerate your husband's infidelity, and the health risks to which you may be exposed? If not, quietly consult an attorney. For the sake of your children, you must protect yourself -- emotionally, physically and financially. They deserve at least one responsible parent, and it appears your husband has gone off the deep end.

DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers to always double-check their medications at the time of purchase. Our family just had a close call that could have been tragic.

My husband's grandmother has high blood pressure and has been on the same medication for years. Yesterday, we took her to the pharmacy to pick up a refill. The store was very busy and the pharmacist couldn't locate the refill order her doctor had phoned in.

In the confusion, a pharmacy technician filled the order with the wrong medication. Thank goodness we discovered the error before any of the meds were taken.

If a medication suddenly looks different -- if tablets are a different size, shape or color -- a customer should not hesitate to question the pharmacist. It could be a lifesaver. -- LOCKPORT, ILL., R.N.

DEAR R.N.: I agree; prescription medicines should always be checked while the customer is at the counter. And it's wise to have all prescriptions filled at the same pharmacy, so possible drug interactions can be avoided.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Eleanor M.," whose husband was caught in a riptide, I wanted to offer an important safety tip for ocean swimmers.

Riptides are normally only 15 to 20 feet wide, so if you find yourself caught in one, you should immediately swim PARALLEL to the beach instead of trying to swim directly to shore. This should allow you to swim out of the riptide and make it safely to the shore.

Lifeguards here in Southern California try to point out riptides to swimmers so they can avoid the area -- but common sense is your best lifesaving tool. Know your abilities and limits in the water before you start swimming. -- THERESA R., ESCONDIDO, CALIF.

DEAR THERESA: Those are practical, intelligent suggestions. With beach season here, I hope they are taken to heart. Swimmers can exhaust themselves trying to escape a riptide. Your letter could be a lifesaver.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Mother of 10" was intriguing. She wrote that after being married 30 years, she told her son that whenever her husband walked into the room, she could still feel her heart lift. Her son said it was only infatuation. I would like to relate my experience.

In August 1970, I met the woman I later married. She walked into a room to join the group I was in, and when I saw her, my heart skipped a couple of beats. I never said, "This is the woman for me," but she had an effect on me. There she quietly sat with her ankles crossed and her hands in her lap -- a perfect lady.

It took me three months to build up the courage to ask her out. We became engaged at Christmas 1976 and were married 13 months later. It was the best thing I ever did.

When we go to bed at night and I feel her warm body next to mine, I get all excited. When we wake up in the morning and she snuggles up under my arm and rests her head on my chest, it is the greatest feeling in the world. Every once in a while, I can't let go, and we stay wrapped in each other's arms for as long as 45 minutes. She calls it "recharging our batteries."

Abby, if this is infatuation, I can't wait to see what real love is like. My heart won't be able to handle it. -- PETER KENNEDY, HACKENSACK, N.J.

DEAR PETER: It seems you found a soul mate when this lady walked into your life. One of the distinguishing characteristics of true love is that it grows, because it is unselfish and based on sharing. Infatuation is only the "sizzle." It snaps and sputters, but it doesn't last. You've got the real thing.

DEAR ABBY: I read your column every day, and now I need your advice. I am a 17-year-old senior girl in high school. Up until the middle of last year, I wanted to become a doctor. Then I was faced with a personal problem that I couldn't deal with on my own and couldn't take to my parents.

I finally went to one of my favorite teachers -- someone I felt I could confide in. She helped me work through my problem, assured me that everything would be fine, and told me if I ever needed anything, to come see her. She was genuinely concerned about me.

After that experience, I began to feel that I would be happier becoming a teacher rather than going into medicine. My mother has not taken the news well. She thinks I should focus on becoming a doctor because the pay is better.

I am torn between following my heart vs. making my mom happy. What should I do, Abby? Sign me ... CONFUSED WITH A CAPITAL "C"

DEAR CONFUSED: Both medicine and teaching are "helping professions." I urge you to make no hard-and-fast decisions now. Go to college, keep your options open -- and then follow your heart.

DEAR ABBY: I have a pet peeve. It's folks who leave long, slow voice mail messages -- then reel off their telephone numbers at top speed.

Callers should state their name and phone number FIRST, so the entire message doesn't have to be replayed over and over. Callers should also remember that although their phone number is second nature to them, it may be new to me. Speak those seven digits a little slower, PLEASE! -- RUTH IN VERONA, WIS.

DEAR RUTH: Your pet peeve also happens to be one of mine, and I would like to offer a further suggestion: Callers should be sure to give their area code first when slowly reciting their phone number.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)