DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to "Still Upset in Florida," who shared how painful it was when her husband's ex-wife (of 13 years) took over and dominated his funeral.

My parents had been married 20 years, then divorced for 17 when my father died suddenly in an accident. My stepmother (of 10 years) had an extremely hard time coping emotionally and was unable to plan Dad's funeral. My six siblings and I are all adults, so together we planned the funeral, and my mother (Dad's first wife) arranged for the flowers.

At the viewing, my stepmother entered and was noticeably upset as she approached the coffin. My mother went to her, put her arm around her, walked her to Dad's coffin and held her long enough for her to get her bearings. Mom then backed off to give my stepmother her time alone with Dad.

When it was time to close the casket, the eight beautiful roses Mom had arranged to be placed on top were given to my six siblings and me. The eighth rose went not to my Mom, but to my stepmother -- just as Mom had planned.

I realized my mother was able to be there for her children and Dad's current wife. Ex-wives aren't always the monsters they're portrayed to be. Sometimes they can be a blessing. -- PROUD SON IN BURBANK, CALIF.

DEAR PROUD SON: I agree. However, much depends upon the circumstances of the divorce and the level of maturity of the individuals involved. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My 8-year-old son's father, "Hal," passed away last summer due to complications of surgery. Hal and I were never married and had not lived together for seven years. My son and Hal had a close and loving relationship.

Hal's family did not consult me or my son as to whether or not he wanted to participate in his father's funeral. We attended, keeping a low profile and my mouth shut. After the services, I asked for a private viewing so my son could have closure. Hal's mother refused and became belligerent.

I realize some adults react poorly to death, especially sudden deaths, but when there are young children involved, someone has to remember what's best for them and let go of personal grievances. -- MARY IN CATSKILL, N.Y.

DEAR MARY: It's regrettable, but funerals sometimes bring out the worst in people. When people are in pain they are not at their best.

DEAR ABBY: My husband was unfaithful to me for 15 years. When he died, his girlfriend and her family came to the mortuary with a huge basket of flowers and sat by the casket.

My daughter instructed the funeral director to remove the flowers, the girlfriend and her family from the funeral home. -- NOT-SO-GRIEVING WIDOW

DEAR WIDOW: For your husband's mistress and her family to have made such a public show of what had been a private affair (literally) was in the worst possible taste. She should have paid her respects privately at the grave after you and your child -- or children -- had left.

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DEAR ABBY: My widowed grandmother was recently murdered in a home invasion. My father (her son) wanted my family and me (my children are 5 and 9) to come immediately. I wanted to leave the kids at home because we live in another state and it's a six-hour drive. Dad insisted their presence would be helpful.

We made the decision not to take the children with us. When we were en route, we discovered that the family was gathering at my grandmother's home -- where she had been murdered.

When my parents found out that we hadn't brought the kids, they became very angry with me and have not spoken to me since the memorial service. Was I wrong not to take the kids to Grandma's home for what became a three-day gathering before the funeral?

I confess it upset me considerably when I arrived at my grandmother's home two days after the tragedy and saw the bullet holes, the closed door to her bedroom where she was murdered, and heard the constant discussion about the police investigation. However, if you think I should, I will beg for my parents' forgiveness. -- DONNA IN ATLANTA

DEAR DONNA: You do not owe anyone an apology. I see nothing positive that could have been gained by exposing a 5-year-old and 9-year-old to the horror of the crime scene. Had they expressed a desire to attend their great-grandmother's funeral, they should have been allowed to do so. However, that's a far cry from seeing the reality of how she died. Something like that could scar a child for a lifetime.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been going together for two years. I love him, but am worried because he is a drug dealer. He is obsessed with making money and says he's going to be selling drugs forever.

Abby, I'm afraid he's going to get caught and go to jail -- and because I am always with him, I will go to jail, too. I've begged him to stop, but he won't. I'm so afraid of being with him and getting arrested, but I love him and can't leave him. What should I do? -- IN LOVE WITH A PUSHER

DEAR IN LOVE WITH A PUSHER: Leave him. Run. It's only a matter of time before he gets caught and you wind up in prison as an accessory. There are worse things than a broken heart. Two of them are: having everything you own confiscated by the government because you were busted for selling and abetting the sale of drugs -- and serving time in prison. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: It was a special delight for me to read your July 4 column concerning the Cub Scout activity called the Pinewood Derby.

I invented the derby in the early 1950s for the purpose of fostering a father-and-son project for the Cub Scouts. The first derby was held in a small scout house in Manhattan Beach, Calif., on May 15, 1953. We will celebrate our 50th anniversary next year! Since its inception, millions of Cub Scouts and parents worldwide have participated.

I would like to express thanks to all the parents and grandparents for their dedicated involvement in the derby over the years. A second round of applause to the moms who have participated with and encouraged their children. -- DON MURPHY, TORRANCE, CALIF.

DEAR DON: You deserve to take a bow for conceiving such a helpful program, which seems to have taken off and assumed a life of its own.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: It has been hard to read and listen to all of the news about priests and sexual abuse charges.

I am not Catholic, but I went to church every Thursday and Sunday. My parents were poor; we didn't have a car. Our minister used to pick us up in his car. It was all right when my brother and sister went with me -- but when they didn't, well, that was when the minister took advantage of me.

To be molested in the name of God -- or to be told, "If you tell your parents, God will make sure they die!" -- really does traumatically affect a 7-year-old girl.

I am in my mid-40s now and still haven't completely recovered. My parents, who are now deceased, never knew what happened to me. Even as an adult, the "little girl" in me couldn't take the chance and tell them.

Abby, I have tried to make a difference in the world. My husband and I have been foster parents for almost 15 years. I help children who have experienced the abuse I did. I have learned that love, patience and a lot of therapy go a long way to help -- but nothing can erase what happened.

I feel there should be zero tolerance for Catholic priests, and zero tolerance for sexual abuse of ANY CHILD -- BY ANYONE. -- STILL HEALING IN MISSOURI

DEAR STILL HEALING: I agree. That a clergyman should threaten a child with the loss of her parents if she speaks out about his abuse is truly an act of evil. I'm pleased to know you eventually revealed that you had been assaulted and have received professional counseling. I commend you for devoting your life to helping others. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am writing because your powerful words reach millions. This concerns your column about the child molestation scandal in the Catholic Church.

As an elderly person who has been a devout Catholic all my life, I feel I have lost my "holy mother the church." How should I feel about this crisis? Do you think as faithful people there is anything we can do to improve the situation? I pose these questions because my beliefs have been shattered, Abby. Please help. -- DISILLUSIONED LIFELONG MEMBER

DEAR DISILLUSIONED: Now more than ever, the religiously devout need to cling fast to their faith -- but look clear-eyed at those who are delivering the message. And that goes for members of all other faiths, too.

DEAR ABBY: I feel like my stepmom has lied to us kids. Our dad died almost three years ago, when I was 14. I just found out that two months before my father's passing, he was told by doctors that he had only six months to a year to live. He and our stepmother never told us. Well, two months later, Dad died. All us kids were shocked.

Months before his death, he started losing his hair and losing weight. Should I ask what was wrong with my father before he died? Or is it none of my business? -- DAUGHTER WHO NEEDS TO KNOW IN INDIANA

DEAR DAUGHTER: Speak up and ask. You have every right to know what took your father's life, and you are old enough to be told.

Please accept my sympathy for your loss. It must have been a terrible shock. While it may be difficult to understand, your father and stepmother, although misguided, were trying to protect you by not telling you.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)