DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother with two delightful children under 10. My ex and I have been divorced for seven years. It is his choice to have no contact with his children.

Three months ago, I met "Nate." Since then, we have spent a lot of time together. He has restored my faith and trust in men. Sine Nate and I are still getting to know each other, I feel it is too soon to introduce my children to him. I really think Nate could be "the one," but if our relationship doesn't work out, I don't want my children to be hurt by losing another male role model.

The problem is my mother. She takes care of my children and strongly believes that now is the time for the kids to meet Nate. I disagree, and my mother now refuses to take care of my children.

Am I prudent to wait to introduce Nate to my children until I am more confident about where our relationship is going, or is my mother right? -- TRYING TO BE A GOOD MOM

DEAR TRYING: For your mother to try to blackmail you into doing what she wants by refusing to watch the children is both controlling and wrong. Your children need continuity in their lives right now -- not the turbulence that could result if your love life became a revolving door.

Stand firm, and arrange for alternative child care until you know more about where your relationship with Nate is going.

P.S. Although your mother's tactics are heavy-handed, it's nice to know she approves of Nate.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old woman deeply in love with a 32-year-old man I'll call Ben. The problem is this: I don't feel appreciated.

Ben is quick to tell me how afraid he is of losing me, but he has no problem canceling our plans at the whim of a friend. He works out of town, so he's gone five days a week, during which I basically go to work and come home.

When Ben is home on weekends, it seems as though everything and everyone is more important than spending time with me. In fact, right now he's out with one of his pals while I'm home alone.

I've brought this to Ben's attention countless times; nothing changes. I know I'm a good person and a good girlfriend. Please shed some light on my situation. Thanks. -- LOST IN CANADA

DEAR LOST: Face it, something is missing in this relationship -- him. If Ben were as in love with you as you are with him, he would want to spend more time with you when he's home on weekends. Regardless of what he says, his actions are sending a message, and you'd be wise to take heed. You deserve more than he is giving. Move on.

DEAR ABBY: I am a junior high school teacher. Throughout the year, I receive many gifts from my students. These gifts sometimes include cards from the parents expressing gratitude for the work I have done with their child.

Is it appropriate to write a thank-you note? Sometimes the gift is a combination Christmas present and thank-you gift, so the correct response is confusing. -- TEACHER IN MONTANA

DEAR TEACHER: Confusing? Regardless of who gives a gift -- or for what reason -- the giver should receive a written thank-you from you, acknowledging his or her thoughtfulness. You will be setting a wonderful example for your students to follow.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: A mother wrote asking if it was wrong to insist her gay son visit her without his partner because she did not support his lifestyle. You compared her son's lifestyle to being married with a spouse.

Sorry! This man and his partner are NOT married.

Before I was married, my husband and I did not sleep together at my parents' home. My parents were not naive, but they did not want unmarried people sharing a bedroom in their home. -- FEELS THE SAME IN WASHINGTON

DEAR FEELS THE SAME: From that, I infer you and your husband are now welcome to share accommodations in your parents' home because you are married. Until unions among committed gay couples are formally recognized, the son and his partner are as close as they can get to being "married." To discriminate against people for something they're not legally permitted is wrong. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for saying that people are born gay and don't choose to be that way. As the mother of a gay child, I know it's true. It's frustrating to continually hear that my child should be "deprogrammed" to be heterosexual or that somehow being gay was a personal choice. Nothing could be further from the truth. -- SHARON IN LEXINGTON, KY.

DEAR SHARON: Over the decades during which my mother wrote this column, she never once told me she had received a letter from -- or encountered -- anyone who told her he or she had "chosen" to be a homosexual. During the many years that I worked with my mother, neither did I. As an honorary consultant to the Group for Advancement of Psychiatry, I once asked this question at a meeting, "Is homosexuality a choice?" Not one physician said a patient had related that his or her sexual orientation was chosen. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Thanks for plugging PFLAG. Hopefully, that mother will learn she didn't lose a son; she just lost precious time with him she can never reclaim.

As the sibling of a gay person, I'm bewildered that people think someone would "choose a lifestyle" that is reviled, assaulted, denied civil rights and otherwise abused by the rest of the population. -- BOB IN ST. PETERSBURG, FLA.

DEAR BOB: You make a valid point. What I find particularly worrisome is that gay teenagers are among those at highest risk for alcoholism, drug abuse and suicide because of discrimination at a time when they are most vulnerable.

DEAR ABBY: That mother should be happy her son is honest about his gay orientation. My husband isn't. When I find him sending nude photos back and forth to guys from gay chat rooms, he lies and says he's only "curious." He also claims he's just chatting online -- and then I find he is meeting them. I ask, "Are you having safe sex?" and can't get an answer because he won't admit he's having sex.

He lies to himself, Abby, which makes it easy to lie to me, his family and his macho friends. I'm trying to find counseling for both of us and the marriage, but funds are limited. My husband refuses to admit there's a problem! -- ALONE AND ANGRY IN CINCINNATI

DEAR ALONE: Go to your computer and type in: www.ssnetwk.org. It's the site of the Straight Spouse Network. You'll find it provides a bonanza of information, including peer support, a reading list and the locations of support groups worldwide. (A new one has just been started in Cincinnati!) You may be justifiably angry, but you are NOT alone in this problem, as you will soon discover. I wish you the best of luck.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl whose mother died 10 days after the attacks of Sept. 11. I never knew my father, so after Mom's death, I moved to Utah to live with my guardians and their three children.

My new family makes me feel comfortable and safe. I feel very lucky. The children are like my siblings. We all get along well, and I feel a real sense of belonging.

Although there have been difficulties adjusting to my new life, new school and new family, I have managed well with the help and support of my guardians -– especially my new sister.

Recently an adult friend asked me for advice regarding her own children. She was worried that if anything happened to her and her husband, the kids would end up in foster care.

My recommendation to her and to any parent is this: If at all possible, find a place with family or friends that you know your kids would feel safe and comfortable. Let them know that they would live there and be taken care of if anything happened to you. Above all, let the kids know how much they are loved.

Thanks for letting me share this with your readers, Abby. I love your column. -- ALL SETTLED IN, SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR ALL SETTLED IN: You are a courageous and mature young woman who has written a letter addressing a subject that's not often discussed because it's too painful. Your story is an important one. Sept. 11 has brought into focus the fact that the unthinkable CAN happen. All of us need to put our house in order –- especially if the household contains children.

Parents who haven't already done so should see an attorney to put their child custody plans in writing.

DEAR ABBY: On Sept. 11, 2001, our granddaughter, Christine Morrison, watched the tragedy unfold on television with the twin towers collapsing into heaps of dust. She went into her bedroom and wrote the poem that I have enclosed.

Her fourth-grade teacher thought it was so special she sent a copy to President Bush. Christine received a very special letter from Mrs. Bush thanking her for the poem.

We are proud of our talented granddaughter and hope you will find her words meaningful. -- LARUE AND HERB MORRISON, SALEM, OHIO

DEAR LARUE AND HERB: Your granddaughter embodies the determination of all our citizens to rebuild --- both physically and spiritually --- from the rubble of that horrific day. She's a strong and talented young girl who has already made a difference. Read on:

THE DUST OF SEPTEMBER

By Christine Morrison, Grade 4

The dust of September

The dust, the smoke, the clouds

from the dust of September.

The sadness, the sorrow, the darkness

from the dust of September.

The pretty sites are gone, the love, the death

from the dust of September.

The families, the lives taken away

by the dust of September.

Our country is sad, but our country still stands

in the dust of September.

Our flag still waves

through the dust of September.

We will never break, we will stand together

through the dust of September.

People hurt, hearts broken, but we survive

in the dust of September.

DEAR READERS: If Sept. 11 has taught us anything, it is how strong the people of this great country can be when they are called upon. To the families and friends who lost loved ones a year ago today, you are in the hearts of all Americans. Our prayers are with you.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)