DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 32 years. His mother, "Lois," usually comes to visit for a few days once a year, but this time she wants to stay for a month.

My husband works from home and deals with numerous clients. We are also a foster family who takes in medically fragile children. Their care and medical appointments keep me very busy, plus I have them involved in community programs.

Our household presently consists of an 11-year-old foster son and an 11-year-old with special needs whom we adopted. Our adult son also lives with us.

During previous visits when Lois has been with us for as long as a month, she literally cries and whines when my husband and I can't spend what she thinks is enough time with her.

We do try to do special things as a family and, of course, make an effort to involve Lois. She does nothing but complain. When we got pricey third-row seats to the musical "Beauty and the Beast," her complaint was that the seats were not in the center.

Last Christmas she stayed for a month, even though we asked her not to. One night my husband and I got a sitter so we could go out for dinner. We needed some time alone.

When we got home, Lois was furious. My husband tried to explain that married people need a little time to themselves once in a while, and we meant her no disrespect.

Well, yesterday on the phone she rehashed the whole thing again. Lois insists that houseguests should never be left alone -- even when they stay for a month.

Abby, what do you think about this? My mother-in-law needs to hear it from someone else. -- CRAVING TIME TO OURSELVES, MIDWAY CITY, CALIF.

DEAR CRAVING TIME: If your mother-in-law plans to stay in your city for a month, she should make reservations at a nearby hotel or motel. For her to impose upon you and your husband and demand that you disrupt your schedule for her -- knowing it's a hardship -- is unconscionable.

There's an old saying that after three days, fish and houseguests go bad. Your mother-in-law's behavior proves how true it is.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl who is very distraught. My mother and I fight constantly over everything. Please don't tell me it's a common "teenage thing," because that isn't the case here.

Mom began taking birth control pills, and she blames her frequent rages on the medication. She has told me that she'd like to run away or commit suicide just to get away from me.

As hurt as I am by these statements, I cannot help but feel angry. I've tried to talk this out with her, but we always end up fighting.

Please help me, Abby. I don't know what to do. -- OVERWHELMED TEEN

DEAR OVERWHELMED: You are right to be concerned about your mother. Severe depression and a raging temper are not the usual side effects of birth control pills. She needs to be evaluated physically and emotionally to find out what is causing the problem.

It's important that you talk to an adult whom your mother trusts and who can convince her to call her doctor. Show the person this letter and tell him or her you wrote it. Your mother needs more help than I can offer in a letter.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Confused With a Capital C," a senior in high school, feels torn because her mother wants her to become a doctor. She thinks she'd find teaching a more rewarding field. You advised her to go to college, keep her options open and follow her heart. Your advice was right on. Too frequently, college students have an irrational belief that life decisions will magically resolve for them.

College freshmen should avail themselves of the many opportunities in school to learn about themselves and about careers, and put that information together to make a well-informed decision over time. The time to start is as a freshman:

(1) Freshmen can begin career exploration at their college career center and continue until they graduate.

(2) Many colleges offer freshmen seminars, learning communities, freshmen interest groups and similar opportunities that include exploring various careers and career decisions.

(3) When possible, students should find work-study jobs and volunteer opportunities in a field they want to explore. This gives them firsthand information about the field, and provides references and mentors who can assist them. They will find out whether they like the field or are good at it.

(4) Finally, while in college, it's important to develop thinking skills. If people can think, write, speak, work well with others and express themselves clearly, they will go further in any profession they choose. -- JOEL NOSSOFF, DIRECTOR, NEW STUDENT PROGRAMS, UNIVERSITY OF NEW MEXICO

DEAR JOEL: Thank you for a helpful letter. I agree with you that regardless of what field a person wants to pursue, the ability to think critically and communicate with others is vital. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You neglected to remind "Capital C" and her mother of this basic truth: Without teachers, there would be no doctors.

When I started college, my major was phys ed, with an emphasis on athletic training. After two semesters and an incredible experience in my humanities and English courses, I switched my major to archeology.

College will open the doors to many subjects and areas of interest that young woman may have never dreamed she'd find exciting. Who'da thunk a 30-something woman like me would change her career path from being a professional football trainer to a scholar who digs in the dirt in hopes of piecing together ancient civilizations? Her future is not carved in stone. She should begin her college career and not worry about her mother. She'll find her career niche. -- CHEERING FOR HER FUTURE IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR CHEERING: My sentiments exactly.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Confused," the words of Langston Hughes came to mind and are worth remembering: "Never lose hope in your dreams. For without dreams, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly."

I heeded those words, Abby. At the age of 48, I received my master of science in social work from the University of Tennessee. And at 57, I received my Ph.D. in philosophy from the University of Oklahoma. -- ARTHUR H. PRINCE, MEMPHIS, TENN.

DEAR ARTHUR: What a success story. You are an inspiration.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My son was conceived when his father and I were married to other people. He is now 3 and starting to ask questions about his daddy.

I have since divorced, but my child's father has not. His wife and other children are not aware that my son exists. His father pays child support, but has made it clear he wants no relationship whatsoever with our son.

How do I begin to explain to my little one where his father is and why he's not a part of our family?

I also worry about how my son will handle the truth when he's older. I'm afraid he'll have a real issue with the fact that he was conceived during an affair. Please advise me, Abby. -- CANADIAN MOM

DEAR CANADIAN MOM: Honesty is the best policy -- but it should be given in small doses in an age-appropriate manner. Tell your son that his father lives "elsewhere," with his "other family." He can learn more details later.

It would be very helpful if you could get a father substitute involved in your son's life. A trusted male friend or relative could spend time with the boy. If you don't have one, Big Brothers Big Sisters may be able to match your son with a caring male adult who can serve as a mentor and role model. In Canada, call (800) 263-9133 or visit the Web site at www.bbsc.ca. (There is no national 800-number in the USA at this time, but readers who are interested in Big Brothers Big Sisters of America can visit www.BigBrothersBigSisters.org for information.)

DEAR ABBY: Six weeks ago, I met "Rod" through an online singles ad. He lives one village over from me. We met after five "chats" and hit it off. He's an easygoing gentleman. We enjoy many of the same interests (hiking and bird-watching, for example) and have a great time together. However, I fibbed and said I am 51, when in fact I'm 62. Rod is 49. I look great for my age and I'm in excellent health.

Rod said our "small" age difference doesn't mean a thing to him. (But I wonder if he'd feel that way if he knew that it's really a 13-year span?)

Too many people know my age for him not to find out eventually. Try as I may to hide the truth, it's bound to come out. He's starting to get serious about me, and I'm afraid if I level with him now, he'll quit liking me -- not only for fibbing, but for being too old for him. I only stretched the truth because I thought my age might be a barrier, and he's so attractive I wanted a chance with him.

Abby, what am I going to do now? Help! -- THE OLDER WOMAN IN ENGLAND

DEAR OLDER WOMAN: Unless Rod dreams of starting a family, your age shouldn't matter much to him. Regardless of the numbers, he's already attracted to you.

One evening, after fixing him a delicious dinner, ask him, "Would you still be attracted to me if I were five years older than you?" (Of course, he will say yes.)

A few weeks later, ask if he would like you if you were, say, 10 years older.

A month after that, ask if he'd still be attracted to you if you were 12 years older.

If he keeps saying "yes," 13 could be your lucky number!

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)