DEAR ABBY: I am an African-American reader, and as a young black woman I am fed up with the images of young women in our music videos of today. We are displayed as sex objects, and those images are imprinted into the minds of our young children. Boys think that girls are supposed to be treated the way rappers and singers treat women in the videos, and young girls think the only way to secure male attention is by being half-naked.

We, as women, are losing our sense of self-respect. We should take pride in our minds, not just our bodies.

Should we blame ourselves for participating in such videos, for allowing our young boys and girls to watch this on TV, or for not protesting?

I feel so overwhelmed. Who do we blame? Where does it end? How do we stop this? -- NOT JUST BREASTS AND THIGHS IN BALTIMORE

DEAR N.J.B. & T: Don't get caught up in the blame game. I agree that people -- not just women -- should take pride in their minds and not just their bodies. One important way to accomplish this is to stress to children that what is on television is, for the most part, meant to be entertainment -- not an accurate reflection of life. Children need to understand that as glamorous as life seems to be in the music videos, the REAL road to success lies in getting a good education and learning to respect themselves and others.

DEAR ABBY: I'm about to be married for the second time. My parents love my fiance, "Greg," unlike my first husband whom they despised. We spend a lot of time with my parents. Greg and my father get along extremely well. The wedding is this month. We have planned a cruise for our honeymoon.

We have invited my parents to join us on the cruise because their anniversary is this month, and they have never been on a cruise. My parents thought it was a wonderful idea.

Now, however, they are wavering about whether to go because my younger sister has told Mother she doesn't want them to go, and she doesn't understand why we would invite them on our honeymoon in the first place! I am very angry and upset that they would consider changing their plans in order to make my sister happy. Should I confront her about her jealousy? Why would she deliberately sabotage our relationship with the folks when things between us are so great? -- BRIDE-TO-BE IN RALEIGH, N.C.

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Because your sister is insecure. She views you and your fiance's relationship as threatening to her position in the family structure. Confronting her about her jealousy and insecurity will only fan the flames. It is your parents who must stand their ground and refuse to be manipulated out of the trip of a lifetime. Your sister is out of line, and your parents must be strong enough to lovingly, but firmly, put her in her place.

DEAR ABBY: Last night, a really cute guy kissed me. He says he wants nothing further to do with me unless I will have sexual relations with him -- then he will date me. I like him a lot and really want this to work out. What should I do? -- GOING ON 16 IN OHIO

DEAR GOING ON 16: He may be cute, but you have described a user and a loser. A reader once sent me the following -- and it applies to you:

"When I saw him, I liked him.

"When I liked him, I loved him.

"When I loved him, I let him.

"When I let him, I lost him."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was married a few months ago. My sister and one of my bridesmaids "got into it" inside the limousine on the way to the chapel. My sister said my friend was rude. I became upset because I felt they could have waited until after the reception to air their differences. I felt my sister was selfish.

At the end of the reception, my mom and I got into a huge argument. Mom was drunk and cursing at the guests. One guest came up to me and complained about her. When I confronted my mother, she said I was a liar and some other hurtful things. Then Mom wanted to make some nasty comments on the microphone. When her girlfriend and I tried to stop her, her friend and Mom fell on the floor.

Mom refuses to acknowledge that she has a drinking problem, so I decided to stay away from both her and my sister. I haven't spoken to either one since the wedding. Am I wrong? -- "D" IN FARMINGDALE, N.Y.

DEAR "D": You are not wrong; you are protecting yourself. You will never be able to have the relationship you want with your mother until she faces the fact she's an alcoholic and confronts her problem. As for your sister and your bridesmaid, I don't know who is to blame for the argument in the limo, but they both owe you an apology.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Mel," and I are in our 70s. We have been married 14 years. It's the second marriage for both of us.

Mel has a 30-year-old daughter who is married and the mother of two children. She and her husband and children live out of state.

Abby, the daughter calls my husband at least twice a day, any time she feels the urge to talk to him. I find it very annoying that a girl her age needs to talk to her "daddy" so often. She asks him for advice and constantly tells him she loves him. Of course, Mel loves the attention she lavishes on him -- but I am upset and a little jealous.

Is her behavior normal, and if so, how do I handle this infuriating situation? -- FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You "handle it" by learning to accept it. For whatever reason, your husband's daughter is a "Daddy's girl" -- she needs his approval and support, and it isn't likely to change. You are not rivals for his affection unless you make it so. Think of it this way: You and she have something important in common. You both love her father in different ways, just as he loves both of you.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a busy office where I meet and interview clients. Last week, while meeting with a couple -- who were prospective clients -- the man began admiring my display of family photographs. To my surprise, he picked up the portrait of my husband, showed it to his wife, and said, "Look, there's Michael, Kathy's boyfriend!" (Kathy is the man's sister.)

Abby, he knew my husband's name, the name of my husband's best friend and where he lives. When I asked Michael about it, he said he didn't know any girl named Kathy. I want to believe Michael, but I cannot understand why a couple would go to such great lengths to be as cruel as they were to me. Michael and I have no known enemies and have had a very committed marriage for 13 years. What do you make of this? -- PUZZLED IN FLORIDA

DEAR PUZZLED: What happened had to be a terrible shock. My first reaction is that you are in denial. The couple you were interviewing knew too many precise details to be faking. It's time you look further and do some fact-checking.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Fire Prevention Month has nearly ended, but may I still enlist your help?

Firefighters across the country are so eager to respond to emergency calls, they frequently fail to buckle their own seat belts. Last year, 13 firefighters died from injuries that could have been prevented simply by buckling their seat belts.

While many fire departments have rules that are strictly enforced, the majority do not enforce the seat belt rule until someone gets hurt or killed. Six firefighters this year have died from rollovers or being thrown from fire and personal vehicles while responding to a fire. Excuses from firefighters range from, "We need to put on our gear," to "Seat belts don't fit over the gear." It is the responsibility of each individual to buckle his or her seat belt.

I'd like to ask each spouse, parent, child, family member or friend of a firefighter to please remind him or her to buckle up whether riding in a fire truck or ambulance. Listen up, firefighters: Seatbelts Are For Everyone ... even firefighters! Not buckling up is just plain stupid. -- JANET WILMOTH, EDITOR, "FIRE CHIEF"

DEAR JANET: I'm pleased to publicize your appeal. It would be a tragedy if a firefighter is killed before he or she can even respond to the emergency. Certainly "buckling up" is not too much to ask from our heroes. Their jobs are risky enough as it is.

DEAR ABBY: I am fond of my son-in-law, "Kirk." He is a fine person. However, Kirk is overweight and has high cholesterol, and my daughter, "Gloria," told me she finds Kirk's weight a "turnoff."

While they were visiting me last weekend, Gloria went to the cupboard where I keep candy and nuts for my bridge group. She filled a plate with divinity, chocolate kisses, nuts, etc. and set it on the table right in front of Kirk. We had just returned from a champagne brunch. I later told Gloria I thought it was wrong of her to serve candy to Kirk knowing he wouldn't be able to resist. She replied, "Everyone is responsible for himself."

What is your take on this situation? -- CONCERNED M-I-L IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR CONCERNED: What your daughter is doing to her husband is deliberate sabotage. She's feeding his weakness. For whatever reasons, she isn't encouraging a healthy, fit spouse. People who love each other want what's best for them and offer support. Shame on Gloria.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 18-year-old guy who's been dating my 13-year-old girlfriend for the past six months. Her mom knows we go out, but she doesn't know I'm 18. She thinks I just turned 17.

Abby, I really love this girl. We've made a commitment to get married when she turns 18, which is when she graduates from high school.

In the meantime, what should I do about lying to her mom about my age? -- TOTALLY IN LOVE

DEAR TOTALLY IN LOVE: Level with her mother. If you are caught in this lie, the girl's parents will rightfully wonder what else you and their daughter have been lying about. Furthermore, without her parents' blessing, in some states -- if this should "go too far" -- you may find yourself in legal trouble because you are considered an adult and she is a minor. Please give this some serious thought and don't delay.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)