DEAR READERS: At the end of a recent column, I printed a short letter from a reader signed "Suspicious Texan," asking what are the telltale signs of a cheating spouse. (I listed eight -- secretiveness, a sudden change in manner of dress or grooming, unexplained absences, less affectionate, unfamiliar charges on credit card bills, strange numbers on the phone bill, hang-ups on your home phone, and more business trips than usual.)

I then asked readers if they cared to add to the list. The response was so great, it nearly gave my mailman a hernia! Read on:

-- I play more "golf." (That's good for five or six hours.)

-- You find birth-control pills in her medicine cabinet, and you've had a vasectomy.

-- Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating, or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)

-- He stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.

-- Sets up a new e-mail account and doesn't tell you about it.

-- He leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.

-- He refuses to let you take him to the airport when he's leaving town.

-- He carries condoms and you are on the pill.

-- Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from Caller ID.

-- Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.

-- He becomes "accusatory," asking if YOU are being true to HIM, usually out of guilt.

-- Raises hypothetical questions such as, "Do you think it's possible to love more than one person at a time?"

-- He buys himself new underwear.

-- He insists that the child seat, toys, etc., are kept out of his car.

-- She stops wearing her wedding ring.

-- Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.

-- Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.

-- Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.

-- Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay stub.

-- Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.

-- You find out by accident that he or she took a vacation day or personal time off from work -- but supposedly worked on those days.

-- Shows a sudden interest in a different type of music.

-- Spouse's co-workers are uncomfortable in your presence.

-- Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.

-- Spends an excessive amount of time on the computer, especially after you have gone to bed.

-- Suddenly works long hours or weekends and never seems to be at his/her desk to answer the phone. Calls back later with a reason such as, "I was working in the conference room where there was more space."

-- Has lots of "emergency errands" -- then comes home empty-handed, saying, "They didn't have what I needed."

-- He throws up a lot because he just ate at his mistress's house, and had to eat the dinner I prepared when he got home.

-- The telltale sign of a cheating spouse? Having to ask that question in the first place. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT!

And last but not least:

DEAR ABBY: My wife scores five out of the eight telltale signs listed in your column. However, she and I agree that most of them fit her job description. She's a real estate agent.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 10 months, "Stan," is kind, generous, and a hard worker. He does a lot of work around the house and likes to spoil me.

On the downside, Stan has a bad temper. He sometimes acts like an angry child. He'll speed away in his truck when he gets upset about some insignificant thing. There have been times when he's driving me somewhere that he has gotten mad and driven recklessly -- speeding and tailgating.

I have begged him to slow down and be careful, but it does no good. When we get home in one piece, I say a prayer of thanks.

Six weeks ago, Stan started taking medication for his panic disorder, but it hasn't helped. Although he calms down and apologizes afterward, the outbursts continue. He has promised to try anger management counseling, but we haven't pursued it yet because of the cost.

Should I go ahead and set up an appointment for him, Abby? What other advice can you offer? -- TEXAS TINA

DEAR TINA: Before scheduling any appointments for your spouse, his doctor should be notified that his present medication hasn't modified his behavior. After that, your husband should set up his own appointment for the anger management classes. Be supportive, but he must take responsibility for his own actions. There is only so much one can do for another.

DEAR ABBY: I am an English as a Second Language (ESL) tutor, and would like to respond to the letters about your column being used to teach English to foreign students.

Large numbers of immigrants in my area do not speak English. It's not an easy language to learn. I cringe when I see U.S. citizens walking in the mall sporting T-shirts that state, "Welcome to America: Now Learn Our Language!" Maybe these folks think they're cool, but they must realize that there are countless people in this country who would love to learn English. However, they need tutors.

There is much demand for ESL tutors -- for individuals willing to meet with some of these immigrants weekly to conduct a conversation class. Instead of being angry at our new citizens, valuable time could be spent teaching them.

Have any of those people sporting slogans on T-shirts ever tried answering the 100 questions one must study to take the citizenship test? Let me tell you, Abby, I have been stumped by a number of these questions -- while my ESL students could rattle off the answers.

If anyone reading this has the time to tutor, it can be a rewarding way to volunteer. Come learn how! The students are deeply appreciative. -- ESL TUTOR IN MIDDLESEX COUNTY, N.J.

DEAR ESL TUTOR: What a wonderful idea. Readers interested in becoming a tutor should contact the local school district, library or community center to see if there are programs in their area.

DEAR ABBY: I am a regular churchgoer. My pastor said there is no sex in heaven, but my gut feeling is that there is. Is there sex in heaven? -- SEXY IN SIOUX FALLS, S.D.

DEAR SEXY: I'm not sure, but if my mail is an indicator, it could be the answer to a lot of prayers.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my early 30s who is a well-paid professional. I like to think I have a good head on my shoulders and a pleasant personality. A year ago, I met a wonderful man, "Adam." He is younger than I am, but we are compatible and our relationship has deepened. I recently asked him to live with me and offered financial assistance so he could pursue his medical education full-time.

My family is in an uproar! They already disapproved of the fact that Adam is younger than I am. Now they are barely civil to him. He has stopped attending family functions with me. Even when he's not around, they badger me to realize that he's "using me."

I finally confronted my sister and insisted she tell me why the family thinks there is no chance that this man loves me. After some hesitation, the truth came out: They think he's too good-looking for a "plain girl" like me.

I was devastated. I have always known that I'm no beauty, but I was convinced Adam saw beyond that and appreciated my other qualities. I WAS convinced, that is -- until now. Abby, what's your take on this? -- HURT AND CONFUSED IN THE LONE STAR STATE

DEAR HURT AND CONFUSED: Please do not allow your overprotective family to devastate your self-esteem. If Adam has given you no reason to doubt him, only time will tell what the future holds for the two of you. You deserve to be happy and to be respected. Allow no one to destroy that.

DEAR ABBY: I am the father of a 7-year-old son, "Taylor." His mother, "Gwen," and I had a long-term relationship, but when she became pregnant, neither of us wanted to marry. In our hearts we knew it wouldn't work and we didn't want to subject our son to a broken marriage.

Both Gwen and I have taken our roles as parents seriously. Since his birth, I have supported Taylor financially. Taylor has spent nearly every weekend at my home or my parents' since he was 3. I also spend time with my son during the week -- going to the park, to the movies, etc.

I recently became engaged to a woman I'll call Stacey. We want to be married next year and are planning a large wedding. I had hoped to have Taylor serve as our ring bearer. Stacey's niece will be our flower girl.

At first, my son's mother was agreeable to the idea, but now she's against it. Gwen refuses to give me a concrete reason, other than she "doesn't think it's a good idea." She said our son can attend the wedding accompanied by his baby sitter but cannot be a member of the wedding party.

I am angry about this. Stacey says I should calm down and accept the situation. I'm looking to you, Abby. What do you think? -- TAYLOR'S FATHER IN NEW YORK

DEAR TAYLOR'S FATHER: Listen to your fiancee. She's a wise woman. There is nothing to be gained by starting World War III. It appears that your son's mother resents the fact you are committing your life to another woman. Refusing to allow your young son to be in the wedding is her only way of asserting some control in a situation she cannnot otherwise control.

Although Taylor cannot be your ring bearer, make sure he wears a boutonniere and is present in some of the wedding pictures. It will make him feel a part of the celebration -- and that's what's important.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)