DEAR ABBY: I need to know if I'm being unreasonable. A few nights ago -- around 3 or 4 in the morning -- my husband got into bed and woke me to have sex. I had only been asleep for a few hours. He knows I have to get up for work by 7 a.m. It's not the first time this has happened. When I tell him I need my sleep, he gets mad and says I'm rejecting him. Then he gives me the silent treatment.

Abby, I have never been a morning person and have always needed my sleep. This is a recurring problem that affects other parts of our relationship. My husband and I have been married 15 years and have quarreled continuously over his "nocturnal needs." I should add that he is unemployed and can sleep any time he wants.

How do you suggest I get my hubby to be more considerate without hurting his feelings? -- SLEEP-DEPRIVED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR SLEEP-DEPRIVED: You and your husband should hash this out in the cold light of day, preferably with a marriage counselor. Intimacy is an important part of marriage, but it has to be mutual to be enjoyable.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a college student attending school across the country from my family and friends. My parents were in Europe for Christmas this year, so my Aunt Louise invited me to spend the holidays with her and Uncle Harry.

Aunt Louise lived far from us when I was growing up, so I didn't get to see her often and I welcomed the chance to get to know them better. Aunt Louise operates a bed and breakfast, and knows just what touches in the room make her guests feel at home. Abby, on my nightstand was a delightful little booklet of yours -- "Keepers." I read a piece or two from it each night before I turned out the lights.

I would like a copy of your booklet for myself -- and also one for each of my sisters who live out West. How can I get them?

Thank you in advance for the information, and happy new year. -- AMANDA IN BUFFALO, N.Y.

DEAR AMANDA: I'm delighted you enjoyed the "Keepers" booklet. It contains some of my favorite inspirational and humorous pieces. To order the booklets, send a self-addressed envelope, plus a check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) for each copy, to: Dear Abby -- Keepers, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I invited another couple, whom we had not previously entertained, to our home for dinner. When my wife told me what she planned to serve, I told her she would do well to ask our guests if they liked that particular "exotic" dish, or if they had any dietary or religious restrictions or dislikes.

My wife insists that to do so would be impolite and unnecessary. Now there's a quarrel brewing over this. Who's right? -- IRON STOMACH SPOUSE, SUN CITY, CALIF.

DEAR SPOUSE: You are. A thoughtful hostess lets guests know what she's planning to serve in case they have food allergies or medical conditions. Not only is it thoughtful, it's good insurance.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I must respond to "I've Got a Secret in Texas." She's the woman who has been dating a married man for seven years and hopes he will leave his wife for her, despite the fact that he told her he won't because of his children. She asked if she should "sit tight and wait."

She has already wasted seven years of her life. I hope she doesn't waste any more. She needs to get her act together and dump that bum. If she ever is unlucky enough to marry him, he will turn around, meet another woman and tell her the same lies. He's using his kids as an excuse. I bet when they find out what he's up to, they'll be glad to get rid of him, too. My kids certainly were. -- SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE IN INDIANA

DEAR SPEAKING: It is sad that some women are so gullible and needy they believe only what they are told, refusing to recognize that their lover's words do not match his actions. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: That "Texas" woman is wasting her time. My dad cheated on my mother for most of their married life. He and his girlfriend dated for years. She had two children with him while he and Mom were still married.

When Mom died, Dad didn't marry the girlfriend. Instead, he began dating other women. Dad is dead now. The girlfriend never married.

Please urge "I've Got a Secret" to kick lover boy to the curb and get on with her life. -- DAPHNE IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR DAPHNE: I said it differently. I told her not to hold her breath because he seemed to like things as they are. Several other readers shared similar stories.

DEAR ABBY: Please wake that foolish woman up. She is only hurting herself. She's addicted to the excitement of the secret affair. Hers is a fantasy relationship, not a real one. It is very easy to maintain romance on a part-time basis. When the affair becomes public, the pain and the shame involved are never worth the excitement.

I hope she does the right thing for herself, her child and his children. It's time for her to end the affair and look for a real partner. I speak from experience. -- BETRAYED BUT RECOVERING, DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR RECOVERING: I, too, hope she finds the strength to do the right thing. If my mail is any indication, she's fighting a losing battle. Even if she should beat the odds and "win" -- because of the children, her husband would always be tied to the woman he betrayed.

DEAR ABBY: Our son is being married in June. We are now in the process of preparing the guest list. Two of our close relatives live in nursing homes and do not get out to visit anymore. One is a dear aunt, the other is the groom's uncle.

Should we send them invitations? We would like to, but we're afraid it would appear we're asking for a gift. -- UNDECIDED IN ST. PAUL

DEAR UNDECIDED: Instead of sending them invitations, send a card or chatty letter bringing the relatives up-to-date on what's happening in your family -- and an announcement after the wedding so they remain "in the loop." That way, they can share in your joy without feeling obligated in any way.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Justin," is obsessed with making his car stereo system the loudest in our school. That means I am alone and depressed most of the time because I miss him and have nothing to do. I never get to see him in school because our class schedules are different, and on weekends we both have to work.

It feels like I hang out with his best friend more, and he agrees that Justin needs to pay me a little more attention. Yes, I have told Justin how I feel, but his only reply was that he agreed he was being a jerk, he realizes he hasn't seen me -- and he's sorry. The next day he was back at it, messing around with the wires and speakers.

Please help me. What can I say to him to fix this problem? -- MISS LONELY IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR MISS LONELY: Tell him loud and clear you think the two of you should spend more time together or your romance is history. In the meantime, explore your own special interests. Do not totally depend upon others for your entertainment and sense of worth.

DEAR ABBY: My nephew was married six months ago. I gave him and his bride a beautiful wedding gift. To date, not one member of the groom's family or friends has received a thank-you note. The bride has written to all of her family and friends, but she has refused to acknowledge any from the groom's side. She told someone that it is HIS responsibility to write his own notes, and she is not going to "enable him."

In my opinion, the bride is self-centered and has no feelings or interest in the groom's family. I see it as a slap in the face. In my 75 years here on Earth I have never seen a groom write a thank-you note. What do you think? -- ANGRY AUNT IN AKRON

DEAR ANGRY AUNT: In the words of Bob Dylan, "The times they are a-changing." In today's world, most couples are both employed and share household and social duties. Please don't blame the bride. You're aiming your anger at the wrong target.

DEAR ABBY: My 78-year-old mother has a shopping problem. It's been going on for as long as I can remember. I used to organize yard sales once or twice a year to clear out some of the junk for her. We always had a huge turnout because Mom always had a nice selection of new stuff for sale. Now that I have moved away, my sister is left with the mess, and there have been no more yard sales.

Isn't "binge shopping" considered addictive behavior? Our mother is hooked on the Home Shopping Network, as well as the sales racks at her local stores.

We have pleaded with Mom to stop, but she always replies, "You might as well dig a hole and stick me in it now!" That shuts us up in a hurry, because we were always taught to respect our elders. Have you any suggestions for us, Abby? -- TIRED OF THE MESS IN MONTANA

DEAR TIRED OF THE MESS: Not unless your mother is willing to face the fact that she has a problem. There are self-help groups for spend-a-holics, and anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medications that can help sufferers cope with the compulsion to spend.

One rule is that if you're going to stop a negative behavior it must be replaced with a positive one. But all this is beside the point if your mother has the financial resources and doesn't believe she needs help.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)