DEAR READERS: Friday is Valentine's Day. While we celebrate that special day with cards and flowers, remember also to send a message from home to our brave young men and women in the military who, in great numbers, have been deployed to places far away from loved ones.

Regardless of one's personal political beliefs, our troops deserve all the support we can give them. So don't forget to join me in sending a Valentine's Day greeting via www.OperationDearAbby.net.

DEAR ABBY: All too often, ignorant people make racist jokes or comments to me, assuming I won't be offended because we are of the same race (Caucasian). They may be co-workers, classmates or others with whom I must remain civil.

The truth is I am highly offended by any racist comment. I have an African-American brother-in-law and a biracial nephew, both of whom I love dearly. It is because of them that I have become acutely aware of the damage that disparaging remarks "of color" can do. However, each time it happens in my presence, I never know how to respond. Normally I just shrug and say nothing -- then end up feeling terrible about my silence. How would you suggest I respond next time, Abby? -- FEELING UNTRUE TO MYSELF IN MARYLAND

DEAR FEELING UNTRUE: Tell it like it is: I'm sorry you feel the way you do. My brother-in-law is African-American and my nephew is biracial, and what you're saying certainly isn't true of them.

DEAR ABBY: I am an ambitious 22-year-old college senior. Two years ago, I met the man of my dreams. His name is "Wayne" and he's a youth minister. I feel like I've met my life companion.

The problem is that Wayne has a huge fear of commitment. On two separate occasions, we were engaged and about to make the announcement. However, at the last minute Wayne changed his mind and broke off our entire relationship with, "I need time."

Please tell me what to do. I am beginning to have difficulty trusting him with my feelings because he has hurt me twice by bailing out. -- HEARTBROKEN AND CONFUSED IN ALABAMA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN AND CONFUSED: Wayne may be the man of your dreams, but he clearly is not ready to make a lifetime commitment. Give him credit for being honest and all the time he needs, but in the meantime, date others and don't isolate yourself. "Mr. Right" for you may be just around the corner and as ready as you are to settle down.

DEAR ABBY: I have been reading your column for as long as I can remember. Now I'd like to tell you our story.

Close to Christmas, my husband received a telephone message from a woman in Tennessee. She said she had "a special something for him." Of course, all kinds of thoughts raced through our heads. My husband returned her call and was told that she had purchased a box of books several years earlier and had found his baby book among them. She had been trying to contact him ever since. She asked if he would like to have it back.

Apparently, when my husband's family moved years ago, the book had been misplaced. So on his birthday this year, he was reunited with his baby book after 58 years. Our heartfelt thanks to our "Angel in Tennessee" for caring enough to go that extra mile to track down my husband. We are truly grateful. -- HELEN AND MONTY HARMON, PHOENIX

DEAR HELEN AND MONTY: It's nice to be reminded that people are willing to go out of their way to do kind things for strangers. It's the highest form of giving.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My new boss is a nervy man who barks orders at everyone, and has a huge belly. I'll call him Ralph. Every few weeks on a whim, Ralph schedules office potlucks on company time and orders his employees to bring homemade dishes as a "team-building" exercise.

Ralph frequently reminds us that each dish MUST be homemade. As late as the day before a potluck, he'll post a sign-up sheet in the lunchroom that dictates food categories and limits. (For example, only two people may bring salads, etc.)

I e-mailed my boss asking if I could bring a high-quality store-bought item, because between working full time and my long commute, spending time in the kitchen isn't something I care to do. Ralph never bothered to answer. With great resentment, I ended up making a large tuna casserole at midnight for the potluck the next day.

Abby, are employees like me powerless in these circumstances? How can I avoid participating in the potlucks without being labeled insubordinate or getting punished? No one else in our office has spoken up, but each time that sign-up sheet is posted, the tension is so thick you could cut it with a knife. -- RESENTFUL IN NEW YORK CITY

DEAR RESENTFUL: I don't blame you for resenting being compelled to do something outside your job description, on your own time and at your own expense. I don't know the labor laws in New York; however, many states have labor statutes that could protect you.

Allow me to offer this food for thought: Consider another kind of "team-building" exercise with your co-workers. Confront your boss as a group and tell him how much his demands are resented by all of you. There's safety in numbers. He can't fire all of you, or there would be no "leftovers" to boss around.

DEAR ABBY: My dear husband passed away two months ago. We had been married for 26 happy years.

When people in the neighborhood or in town see me, they say, "You are doing great," or "You look wonderful," and "How are you feeling?" I know people don't know what to say at a time like this, but how should I reply?

Although my clothes are clean and my hair is combed, don't they realize I am heartbroken? Am I supposed to weep and tear my hair in public? I may look strong, but inside it's all applesauce.

If people feel awkward, can't they just say, "I think of you often," or "I'm glad to see you"? Please tell me how to respond to these Pollyannas who think I'm just peachy. -- GRIEVING PRIVATELY IN FLORIDA

DEAR GRIEVING: Smile at those well-intentioned folks and say, "Thank you for the compliment. Losing my darling has been traumatic, but with time I'm slowly adjusting." It's the truth, but it also conveys an accurate message.

DEAR ABBY: I am a fifth-grader. I never thought I'd be writing to you but I am, so let me get right to the point:

I am really short. Kids at school make fun of me because I'm the shortest student in my grade. I was hoping you could give me some advice about what to say when I'm called "Shorty." -- ANONYMOUS GIRL IN NORTH DAKOTA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: People should be measured from their eyebrows up -- not from top to bottom. There are many successful people who are not tall in stature. I am one of them. Tell your classmates that good things -- like diamonds -- come in small packages. Then change the subject.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: After a long and happy marriage, I became a widow three years ago, and am soon to marry an old family friend, "Vernon." His wife was a dear friend of mine who was killed several years ago. Vern and I are trying to get our personal business in order ahead of time, so there will be no ill feelings among our adult children.

When I die, I will be buried next to my first husband, and Vern with his late wife. My question is, how should my name appear on the headstone, considering the fact that I plan to become "Mrs. Vernon Jones" when we marry?

My son is upset that I'd give up the "Smith" family name. I don't want to create friction between my son and my new husband, but I do plan to take Vern's last name and am surprised at my son's strenuous objection.

How should this be handled, Abby? -- "MRS. SMITH" IN MARIETTA, GA.

DEAR "MRS. SMITH": The name on your headstone should probably read "Jane Smith Jones" to avoid confusion. Although it is upsetting to your son that you have chosen to adopt your new husband's last name, he will have to adapt to reality. One lesson I have learned over the years: You cannot solve every problem -– particularly if the problem isn't yours to begin with.

DEAR ABBY: For the past eight months, I've been involved with a wonderful, kind-hearted man who showers me with affection and says he loves me. I'll call him Hank.

Hank likes the idea of kids and family and is very family-oriented, as am I. My main concern is he has trouble keeping a job. His pattern has been that he finds a job but only works for a short time, then something always happens, and he either gets fired or laid off.

We had started planning our wedding, but my family doesn't like him, and that –- on top of his job situation –- has put a lot of stress on me. I finally told Hank that I won't marry him until he proves he can support himself and a family.

Is it possible that some men are simply not cut out to work outside the home? Maybe he's the "Mr. Mom" type. What should I do, Abby? -- BRIDE-TO-BE (OR NOT) IN DAYTON, OHIO

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE (OR NOT): Yes, some men are better suited to be the "house spouse," and some women are better suited to life in the business world. However, this does not seem to apply to you. Continue to put this union on hold unless you know you will be content as the primary breadwinner of your family.

DEAR ABBY: For the past year and a half, I've been dating a 41-year-old man named "Gino." I spend every weekend at his place. My problem is I am still living out of a suitcase. Gino hasn't offered me a place to keep my things, and I'm tired of taking clothes and personal items back and forth. It feels like I'm homeless.

Gino also won't answer the phone or check his messages when I'm there. When I mention it, he accuses me of being suspicious and too sensitive. Should I continue with him or pack it in? I should add that we have lots of fun, and he's told me he loves me. -- TIRED OF LIVING OUT OF A SUITCASE, WEST ORANGE, N.J.

DEAR TIRED: If you want a seven-day relationship or a permanent place in this man's life, "pack it in." Gino appears happy with things just as they are, and as much as he loves you on the weekends, he loves his freedom more.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)