DEAR ABBY: I disagree with the advice you gave to "Afraid to Speak Up in Philly," the woman who resented her husband's mother sitting in the front seat of the car when they went on a long trip.

When we had this situation in our family, I always insisted my mother-in-law have the front seat next to her son for several reasons:

(1) It's a matter of respect.

(2) It gives her a chance to be near her child and maybe give him an affectionate pat during conversation.

(3) And don't forget that age often brings with it impaired hearing, which does not enhance communication from the front seat to the back.

These are precious times for her to be with her son. "Afraid to Speak Up" will have him all to herself when his mother is gone. -- ANN IN SANTA ANA, CALIF.

DEAR ANN: You are not the only reader who wrote to tell me my answer stank. I received hundreds. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When my mother was alive and we were in the car with my brother, his wife always sat in the back seat while Mother sat up front. It was easier for her to get in and out. -- BUB IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR ABBY: I have never written to you before, but I had a heartfelt reaction to the woman who complained about her mother-in-law sitting next to her son during the road trip. First of all, I compliment this couple for taking the time to visit and care for the needs of this mother-in-law. Secondly, the Scriptures say, "Honor thy father and mother that it may be well with thee and that thou mayest live long upon the earth." Honor her by allowing her to sit next to her son. The kindness will return to you. Sign me ... LOVE IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER

DEAR ABBY: Your reply to the wife competing with her mother-in-law for seating in the car was wrong! Are these people rednecks with no manners?

If that husband is any kind of gentleman, he will not allow his mother to get into the car without opening and holding her door for her -- like any gentleman does. You advised the woman to tell her mother-in-law to hop in the back. Shame on you! I'm a real man, and a real man is also a gentleman. -- C.S.K., RICHMOND, VA.

DEAR C.S.K.: Mea culpa! I don't know how I missed that.

DEAR ABBY: Regarding the wife who resents sitting in the back. If the wife can drive, she should ask her husband to sit in the back and see how HE likes it. -- G.R.W., UNION CITY, N.J.

DEAR ABBY: Why is she complaining about sitting in the back? The passenger seat is known colloquially as the "death seat"! -- SMILING IN THE BACK SEAT

DEAR ABBY: I sense there are other factors at work in that woman's relationship with her mother-in-law than "sitting in the back seat." There may be insecurity or jealousy involved. What's the harm in letting her sit in front? Let her feel she still has a special place in her son's life.

I commend this couple for taking his mother to dinner, shopping, etc. They shouldn't spoil such gestures of thoughtfulness with pettiness. -- BEEN THERE IN HAWAII

DEAR BEEN THERE AND DEAR READERS: So there you have it. I would flagellate with a wet noodle, but I left it in the back seat.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My next-door neighbors are nice people, but I'm faced with a problem I don't know how to solve. Their bathroom faces my driveway. They have a coating on their bathroom windowpanes, but it isn't as opaque as they think. There is no other window covering.

Abby, I am greeted nearly every morning with the sight of the man of the house stepping in and out of the shower, sitting on his "throne," etc. I can even tell if he's reading the newspaper.

This morning I went out to my car and could see him through the glass as clear as day. It was hardly a vision of loveliness. Even my friends have witnessed this unforgettable sight. It is embarrassing.

Please print this. I hope my neighbors see this letter and finally put an end to the "show." -- SEEN IT ALL IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR SEEN IT ALL: It's not enough to hope your neighbors read Dear Abby and recognize themselves. If you cannot find the courage to tell them the naked truth face-to-face, mail them a sweet note suggesting either a "cover charge" or another form of window covering. If they don't believe you, invite the wife over so she can see for herself. They need to know they're overexposed.

DEAR ABBY: I have single-handedly raised my 16-year-old daughter, "Jenna," for the past nine years. Now she's begging me to let her live with her father and his wife, who live about an hour and a half away. Jenna wants to finish high school there. Over the years, she's visited her father every other weekend and for six weeks during the summers. They spoil her rotten.

Last year, Jenna witnessed her stepmother being handcuffed and taken away in a police car. The charge was forging prescriptions for a controlled substance -- her second felony. Although this woman has been clean and sober for six months, prior to that arrest she was an addict for years. Her grown son, his girlfriend and their baby also live in my ex-husband's home.

I am convinced that Jenna should continue living with me and remain in the school where she is enrolled. She's a good student with many friends. Now she is furious with me because I won't give in to the pressure that she and her dad's household are putting on me to allow her to move. (They've promised to buy her a car.)

Am I wrong to hold to my decision against this move because I feel it is not in Jenna's best interest? -- MOTHER KNOWS BEST IN VIRGINIA

DEAR MOTHER: Stand your ground and follow your instincts. I see no compelling reason why your daughter should be uprooted from an atmosphere in which she is thriving -- good grades and good friends -- and placed in such a non-traditional household.

While her stepmother's recovery is admirable, and seems to be on its way, there is no guarantee she won't slip. It's not a chance you want to take.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Caught in the Middle," the mother of 15-year-old "Becky," that she needs to step in for her daughter's sake. The girl's overprotective father has gone off the deep end.

I was also raised by hyperprotective parents. When I was finally allowed to spread my wings, I went a little crazy. I wanted to catch up with my friends and see what I had been missing. The result was I became a mother at 18. -- SMALL TOWN IN ILLINOIS

DEAR S.T.: When I published that letter, the roof caved in. I received more than a thousand letters and e-mails. Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: The only time I was let out of the house was to go to school. I wasn't allowed to have friends call me or even attend my own senior prom. The one time a boy did call, I got the silent treatment from my stepdad for a week. I finally joined the Army to get away. I had my first date when I was 18.

The only difference between "Becky" and me is my stepfather was physically, emotionally and sexually abusing me. I am now 43 and have never married. I have a hard time trusting men. I can't stress enough how detrimental this situation can be for a young person. I'm living proof. -- TRYING TO TRUST AGAIN

DEAR TRYING: Thank you for an important letter. I'm sorry to say that at least one-third of those who wrote to comment on that letter had stories similar to yours.

DEAR ABBY: I spent several years in law enforcement and had the opportunity to investigate cases of incest among family members. One of the signs we noted, time and time again, was extreme "overprotectiveness" by the fathers who had abused their daughters. (Their motive was jealousy and paranoia that the child might reveal to their friends what was happening at home.) It might be advisable for that mother to look deeper into this. -- CONCERNED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONCERNED: I agree.

DEAR ABBY: I am a physician specializing in women's health and see many women who were sexually abused in childhood -- unfortunately by their own fathers. I am concerned that Becky is being abused, and now that she has reached sexual maturity, he is making sure no one finds out. The type of jealousy described by "Caught in the Middle" can be typical of these distorted, evil relationships. Please contact that girl's mother and express my concern. This is urgent. -- CONCERNED PHYSICIAN IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CONCERNED PHYSICIAN: The woman was afraid to give her name or address. I hope she sees this column.

DEAR ABBY: The same thing happened to me! I was young, sad, lonely, desperate and afraid. My father said if I told, no one would believe me. I considered suicide. I was 17 when he died, and I was finally able to tell Mom. She was devastated, but she believed me.

I have been in counseling for three years. Many women in my support group tell the same story. Becky will need counseling even if her father is NOT sexually abusing her. -- CORNELL, WIS., READER

DEAR READER: That may be true. The father may also need professional counseling even if he's not an abuser. In the words of C. Knight Aldrich, M.D., professor emeritus of psychiatry and family medicine at the University of Virginia School of Medicine: "One should not think that only fathers who are sexually abusing their daughters are overprotective. Sometimes overly conscientious parents are, too. The problem is, if parents are too rigid, their worst fears can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy."

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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