DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, our beloved son-in-law, "Tom," died unexpectedly at only 39 years of age. Our daughter and her three children, all under 8, survive him.

The night Tom died, neighbors took care of our grandchildren, while others accompanied my daughter to the hospital. They waited throughout the night until we arrived from out of state, hundreds of miles away.

The next day these wonderful people took their own children out of school to play with our grandchildren. Neighbors took days off work to comfort and care for our daughter. They organized a schedule of who would provide meals.

More than 15 families in the neighborhood helped with all the small yet important details before and after the funeral. Photos of our son-in-law and the family were enlarged, framed and displayed in the visitation room of the funeral home -– along with hand-drawn pictures and letters of sympathy from the neighbors' children and our grandchildren's classmates. Friends set out journals for guests to record their memories of Tom and express their condolences.

In the coffee room at the funeral home, neighbors arranged for baby sitters, toys, food and beverages for the many children in attendance. After the memorial service, these folks catered lunch at our daughter's home.

Several neighbors opened their homes to out-of-town visitors. And to top it all off, the family next door moved out of their home to provide extra room for family members attending the funeral. Now, months later, neighbors are still taking our grandchildren on outings, checking on our daughter, and bringing in meals on occasion.

Never have I seen a neighborhood with so much warmth and caring. In a day and age when neighbors barely know each other, it is inspiring -– especially in a metropolis like Chicago.

I know of no other column with a wider audience than yours, Abby. Please share this experience with your readers in the hope that they, too, will make the effort to participate in their neighborhoods and be of service to others. -- A GRATEFUL MOTHER

DEAR GRATEFUL MOTHER: I offer my condolences for your loss. Being of service to others is the highest calling I know. In these complicated economic and political times, people often narrow their focus. Your daughter's neighbors are an inspirational example of brotherly love in action.

DEAR ABBY: I was divorced three years ago and am uncertain about what to do with my wedding album. This is on my mind because I'll be remarrying this year, and I have no desire to keep the photos from my first marriage. My dilemma is that I have two small children and wonder if there would be any benefit –- or harm -– in keeping the album for their sakes. (Their dad is pretty much out of the picture.) Thanks for any light you can shed on this. -- BRIDE-TO-BE IN OMAHA

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Although that chapter of your life is now closed, it is still very much a part of your children's history. Put the albums in storage for your children to have later.

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DEAR ABBY: My fifth wedding anniversary is coming soon. I was looking forward to it until last night. I took my children to visit their daddy at his office. He is usually happy to see us. We found him eating his dinner in the company's break room.

We were enjoying a pleasant conversation when suddenly a female co-worker burst in and began telling a story. This woman, "Carmen," is very voluptuous and extroverted. My husband started laughing like crazy at Carmen's funny story –- which I didn't find amusing at all. But it didn't bother me until my husband came home from work and we started getting ready for bed. He began repeating this "funny" story he heard at work. When I told him I was there when Carmen told it, he looked surprised and said, "You were?"

Abby, I was crushed! I had been in that break room for 15 minutes before Carmen came in, and my husband had forgotten all about our visit. I am trying not to let it bother me, but I am 7 1/2 months pregnant and beginning to believe my husband no longer cares for me. What should I do? -- FEELING BIG AND BROKENHEARTED

DEAR FEELING BIG AND BROKENHEARTED: First of all, remember that pregnancy is only temporary, and that many people think there is nothing more beautiful than a pregnant woman. However, somehow you are feeling threatened. Carmen may be bombastic, but if your husband wanted to share her funny story with you, you should not be threatened by one instance of short-term memory loss.

DEAR ABBY: I am 15 and in tears as I write this. My parents met in college and married when Mom got pregnant with my older brother. They recently celebrated their 17th anniversary. Lately, it seems all Mom and Dad do is argue. My father's job requires him to work long hours and travel a lot, so things have been especially stressful.

Last weekend, my brother and I went to visit our aunt and uncle who live a couple of hours away. While I was sitting at their computer e-mailing some friends, I couldn't resist the temptation, so I pulled up an e-mail Mother had sent to my aunt. In it, Mom wrote that she "can't take it any longer" and finally talked to a divorce lawyer. She plans to file for divorce as soon as my brother graduates from high school. She doesn't want us kids to know because my brother needs to keep his grades up so he can get into a good college, and she knows the news would upset us.

But that wasn't the worst part. Mom went on to say she had confessed to our priest that she's been having an affair with a co-worker! Mom reads your column every day, so please give us some good advice. If she reads this letter and your reply, maybe it would help her reconsider what she's doing. -- HOPING TO SAVE MY PARENTS' MARRIAGE IN GEORGIA

DEAR HOPING'S MOTHER: If this scenario seems strangely familiar to you, please know that your plans are no longer a secret and are causing great stress to your daughter.

Before you make any life-altering decisions, end the affair and start marriage counseling with your husband. It wouldn't hurt to begin family counseling as well.

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DEAR READERS: In the hope that it will raise awareness about the rights of people with disabilities, I am continuing the subject of yesterday's column.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing about "Kent," the 40-year-old man, bedridden with muscular dystrophy, who asked his friend, "Vic," to arrange his first sexual experience. His deeply religious parents were offended and now refuse to allow him any contact with his friend.

Abby, those parents have a right to determine what happens in their home. While the son lives there, he should respect the rules of the house. This is called RESPECT! -- MARGE IN CLARKSVILLE, TENN.

DEAR MARGE: Respect should work both ways. Those parents could learn a lot from meeting other parents of adult children with disabilities. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a social worker and advocate for individuals with disabilities. What was described in the letter is abuse on the part of the parents and should be reported to adult protective services immediately. "Kent's" caretakers have violated his religious and sexual rights as a human being, and this could be considered false imprisonment. Practices like these are often only the tip of the iceberg. Being a caretaker is about helping someone live, not forcing one's beliefs and practices on another. -- FURIOUS IN SAN JOSE, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: It is illegal to prevent an adult dependent from having consensual sex or seeing friends. (This would not be the case if the woman had charged for her services –- which she did not. If she had, the parents would have the right to prohibit "illegal activities" in their home.)

Facility accreditation statutes prohibit such restrictions, but often it is not brought to the attention of the local human services department. Thank you for addressing this, Abby. -- DISABILITY ADVOCATE IN IOWA

DEAR ABBY: What do these parents think will happen to their son when they die? "Kent" needs to start learning to hire and deal with attendants, manage an apartment from his bed, coordinate medical care and all the rest of the skills that life on his own will involve.

Abby, he needs intervention and possibly legal services. These are listed in the phone book under headings such as "disability services" and even "legal aid." -- CATHRYN IN DANNVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR CATHRYN: When I answered the letter from "Vic," I did not realize that what the parents are doing could be interpreted as abuse. I want to thank you and my other readers for pointing that out.

DEAR ABBY: "Vic" deserves a medal for what he did for his friend. My husband and I are disabled with different disabilities. We must constantly deal with people who think we should give up our freedom. Thank you for printing that letter. If anyone can get the public to realize that adults with disabilities need to be regarded as worthwhile human beings, it's you.

Please don't reveal our name or location. We live in a small town with small-minded people. -- "X" IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR X: In addition to the letters I have printed, I have received many in which the writers poured out their hearts about the isolation they feel because of their disabilities. They want to love and be loved, to be recognized as having something positive to offer to those around them. Everyone has different qualities that make them unique and special. In today's world, people with disabilities have rights –- and being recognized as a sexual being is only one of them.

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