DEAR ABBY: I am a 21-year-old member of the Air Force stationed in South Korea. I would have been married last month to "Barbara," whom I met back home three years ago. However, Barbara broke up with me because she thought our engagement was too long, and she was tired of waiting.

After Barb broke our engagement, she started hanging out with a rough crowd –- drinking, smoking dope, etc. The last time I was home on furlough, she confessed that two weeks after our engagement was called off, she had sex with a guy she didn't even know. Barb knows she made a terrible mistake.

After much soul-searching I forgave her –- and we are once again talking marriage. My problem is, I feel a strong urge to cheat on her before we tie the knot. I was up-front with Barb about my feelings. I argued that it took 11 months before she'd sleep with me, and it took her only two weeks to find a total stranger to have sex with.

Every time I think about the fact that Barbara had sex with someone else, it makes me want to retaliate. Should I act on it, Abby? -- SOUL-SEARCHING IN SEOUL

DEAR SOUL-SEARCHING: Please RE-consider everything you are considering. Having sex with someone in order to punish a third party is a poor reason to have sex. I urge you to resist the impulse. Frankly, I think neither of you is ready to marry anyone at this time.

DEAR ABBY: I am curious about baby shower etiquette. I'm 27 and pregnant with my second child. My son from a previous relationship will be 8 years old this month. I am now married, and this will be my husband's first child. I had a shower before my son was born, but as the years passed I've given away most of his baby things.

A few of my closest friends want to give me a shower, but my sister is telling everyone that it's not appropriate. It's not so much the gifts I want, but the celebration of this new life growing inside me. If you can offer any advice, it would be greatly appreciated. -- SECOND-TIME MOM IN LOUISIANA

DEAR SECOND-TIME MOM: I see nothing inappropriate about a shower for the new baby, for the good reasons you have given. Please don't let your sister spoil a happy occasion.

DEAR ABBY: I am a recovering alcoholic with 20 years of sobriety. My daughter is in the midst of planning her wedding. I am going to pay for it, which I'm happy to do.

My dilemma: I feel reluctant to pay for the alcohol. My daughter and her fiance explained the situation to his parents and asked them to pitch in. They refused.

I have no objection to liquor being served, but as a matter of principle, I don't want to foot the bill. Please advise. -- FATHER OF THE BRIDE IN OHIO

DEAR FATHER OF THE BRIDE: Do not feel guilty for standing by your convictions. Under the circumstances, your position is understandable. Since the groom's parents refuse to pitch in, arrange for a variety of nonalcoholic beverages to be served -– and don't apologize. If your daughter wants to serve alcohol, tell her that she and her fiance are welcome to pay for it.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 56-year-old grandmother. The love of my life died last summer. As I cared for him throughout his illness, I grew deeply lonely and despondent. Around that time I began having coffee with an acquaintance of ours. To make a long story short –- he gave me genital herpes.

Abby, PLEASE remind your readers to protect themselves. This disease is a life sentence. The physical and emotional pain can be overwhelming. A couple of hours in someone's arms isn't worth the isolation afterward. Now this affliction is with me for the rest of my life. It's a horrible disease. There's nothing romantic about it. I'm an intelligent person who should have known better. -- PAYING THE PRICE

DEAR PAYING THE PRICE: You have learned a painful lesson, but an important one. Every sexually active person, regardless of age, should be tested before engaging in sex with a new partner. It is estimated that one out of four sexually active people have herpes -– and 90 percent of them do not realize they have it. If everyone acted responsibly, it could save a lifetime of pain, embarrassment and regret.

More information on this important subject can be obtained by calling the Centers for Disease Control National STD Hotline toll-free number: (800) 227-8922. It is open 24/7.

DEAR ABBY: The letter you printed from "Rehabilitation Counselor," advising people with seizure disorders about state agencies that assist individuals with disabilities to become gainfully employed, was excellent. However, I would like to add more information:

Canine Partners for Life (CPL) is an organization that provides "service" dogs to people with various disabilities to assist them in leading more normal lives. These service dogs can be trained to detect a seizure up to 30 minutes before it happens, enabling the individual to take precautions required to possibly prevent or alleviate the problem. -- PETER ESHERICK, OREFIELD, PA.

DEAR PETER: I am familiar with service dogs and the important role they can play in the lives of people with disabilities. While most of us are aware that Seeing Eye dogs perform an important function for sightless people, special dogs can also be trained to retrieve items, open and close doors, provide stability when walking, and alert their owners to oncoming seizures.

Canine Partners for Life can be contacted by writing to P.O. Box 170, Cochranville, PA 19330-0170. The phone number is (610) 869-4902 and the fax number is (610) 869-9785. The Web site is � HYPERLINK "http://www.k94life.org" ��www.k94life.org�.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my girlfriend, "Adrian," for two years. She has always been obsessed with my past. Recently, Adrian went through all my old letters from ex-girlfriends, dating back to early grammar school. Now she is demanding that I burn them. I have refused because she read them without permission, disregarding my privacy.

Is it wrong to keep old letters? I've always assumed it's OK until I get married -– or at least engaged. To me, the letters and notes are a "diary" of sorts. What's your opinion? -- SENTIMENTAL GUY IN IDAHO

DEAR SENTIMENTAL GUY: Your girlfriend is jealous, insecure, nosy and nervy. She has no right to "demand" anything from you. If I were you, I'd keep the letters and give Adrian a change-of-address form. In the long run, you'll be happier.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Unhappy in North Carolina," who decided with her husband, after three years of marriage, to have a child but is now unhappy, caused me to write. You homed in on her statement, "What I thought would make us both happy and bring us closer actually did the opposite." You wondered if the husband felt trapped and pushed into unwanted fatherhood. I'm not so sure.

Other phrases in her letter jumped out at me: "Our son is now 16 months old and the apple of my eye," "We both changed with my pregnancy," and "Jeff is a great father but a lousy husband."

Abby, having your first child changes everything. A woman's concept of herself changes dramatically, from a spontaneous, carefree individual to a matronly mother with new responsibilities. "Unhappy" appears to be in love with her son, which is normal, but often the father feels left out emotionally and resentful of the relationship between mother and child. Threesomes are always difficult. Jeff is doing all the things a man who wants a family is supposed to do, i.e., working hard at his job and buying a home in a good neighborhood.

I think the wife is not admitting her role in the problem and is putting the sole blame on her husband. If he refuses to go to counseling with her, she should go alone, so she can learn to reconnect with her husband. If she does, I suspect it won't take long for him to warm up and stop picking fights with her. Their son will be the winner when they realize they can have a marriage and still have love left for their child. -- BEEN THERE IN MARYLAND

DEAR BEEN THERE: Thank you for the first-person insight. You were not the only reader to offer it. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letter from the unhappy new mother. My husband, "Carl," and I experienced the same problems. After our precious daughter was born, Carl was distant, and we fought more than we had before. I was convinced it was all his fault. We were ready to separate until, in a last-ditch effort to save our marriage, I sought counseling.

With the counselor's help, I realized I had blamed my husband for everything that went wrong and didn't recognize the degree to which I was neglecting him. I had forgotten that Carl needed time with me as much as the baby did, and I had put my job as mother ahead of everything -- even our marriage.

In my desire to be a good mother, I had become a bad wife and made Carl feel he was inadequate for not caring for the baby exactly the way I would have -- not changing enough diapers and not appreciating me. I was so focused on our baby, I lost sight of the fact that I had changed as much as I had accused my poor husband of changing.

A year of counseling helped us to work through the rough patch. A quick anecdote to close: I got the greatest compliment at the doctor's office yesterday. I was talking to Carl on my cell phone, closing our conversation with "I love you," and "Can't wait to see you so we can talk some more." After I hung up, the receptionist said, "You newlyweds are so cute!" (We've been married for 10 years.)

See, Abby? When you give a little, you get a little. But when you give a lot, you get a lot! -- STILL CRAZY ABOUT HIM AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

DEAR "CRAZY" (LIKE A FOX): Well said!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)