DEAR ABBY: I am a 22-year-old mother of two. Until two months ago, I was happily married. During his last overseas tour, my husband contracted herpes-2. He claims he was under the influence and the woman took "unfair" advantage of him.

I don't know if I'm more upset that he wasn't capable of controlling the situation, or the fact he had unprotected sex with a stranger and then with me. I feel robbed, not only of my trust and the sanctity of our marriage, but also of my dignity, my self-image and my future.

I have decided to stay in this marriage. How could anyone else love me if he knew? I have drilled my husband with accusations and questions. How can we put this behind us and have a happy marriage again? Every time I have an outbreak, I'm reminded of what he did to us. Now, because I loved and trusted my husband, I must live with this for the rest of my life. Can you help me to heal my heart -- or should I just leave? -- CAN'T FORGET

DEAR CAN'T FORGET: According to the American Social Health Association (ASHA), more than one in five Americans over the age of 12 are infected with herpes-2.

Although you may feel isolated in having this problem, nothing could be further from the truth. ASHA has a wealth of information available on this subject, and support groups as well. Please call the National Herpes Hotline for information and referrals in your area. It operates from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. (EST). The number is (919) 361-8488. The Web site is www.ashastd.org.

I sincerely hope you and your husband can overcome this marital crisis. But if the only reason you're staying in your marriage is that you think no one else would want you because you have herpes, that's the wrong reason for staying.

Marriage counseling would be very helpful to you and your spouse. He behaved irresponsibly, but it doesn't have to be the end of your marriage. Other marriages have survived this. With work and forgiveness on both of your parts, yours might, too.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-80s, and recently a family member died. When I read his obituary in the newspaper I was amazed at how much I learned about him. I later was told he had written his own obituary. No other family member could have recalled all the relevant facts regarding his life.

My wife -- very delicately -- asked my opinion about writing your own obituary. At first I was taken aback. But after thinking it over, I told her I felt it was an important thing to do. Most of us have prepared our trusts and wills to distribute our estates after we're gone -- and that is not upsetting to us.

Abby, what do you think about people writing their own obituaries? -- MURRAY IN SPRINGFIELD, MASS.

DEAR MURRAY: I can't think of a better way for people to "maximize their positives" and "minimize their negatives." Not only that, but a person then has the rest of his or her lifetime to polish, edit and update the document. Talk about the ultimate opportunity for creative writing! (And you have the last word.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm curious, are there any statistics on the success rate of couples who have been divorced and remarried the same spouse? My ex-husband and I are getting reacquainted. We were married for 20 years and have been divorced for two. We have both changed, but I'm nervous about the prospect of returning to what I worked so hard to escape. What do you think? -- UNCERTAIN IN COLORADO

DEAR UNCERTAIN: I don't have the statistics, but I'll ask my readers if their remarriages have worked. Readers?

P.S. Unless you and your former husband have extensive premarital counseling to ensure that the issues that drove you apart have been resolved, I'd advise against it.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I work as a staff assistant in a large department of a Fortune 500 corporation. Every year, prior to Staff Appreciation Day, each staff assistant in my department receives a formal invitation to lunch that reads:

"In appreciation for your hard work and dedication, you will be given an extra half-hour to attend the staff appreciation lunch. Location: (A fairly expensive restaurant that takes a half-hour to get to and from.) Time: 11:30 a.m.-1 p.m. Why: Because you deserve a long lunch." (The extra half-hour is our "gift." We are responsible for the cost of our meal.)

Is there a tactful way to point out to the powers-that-be that inviting employees to an "appreciation lunch" at their own expense, at a restaurant the honorees would not normally choose because of the cost, and then suggesting that the extra half-hour taken up in travel time is a gift, is more than a little offensive?

Believe me, I'd beg off, but I feel pressured and obligated to attend. What else can I do, Abby? -- LOST IN DILBERT'S WORLD

DEAR LOST: From your description of the "generous" policy, I think I know why it's a Fortune 500 company. It would be interesting to know what kind of performance rewards their executives get.

If it's company policy, I don't think there is anything you can do about it -- except, perhaps, to gently confide to your boss that the whole thing is a bit of a farce.

DEAR ABBY: I am 18 and have just become engaged. I want to go to college, but my fiance, "Kirk," doesn't support my decision. It was a struggle for me to finish high school. I dropped out at 16, but recently received my GED with lots of support and encouragement from Kirk. But now that it's time for me to begin college, he doesn't want me to go. He says he's ready to settle down and start a family. Well, I'm not. I think my life has just begun. Please help. -- CONFUSED IN LOVE IN OREGON

DEAR CONFUSED: You have worked hard to get to where you are. Do not allow your fiance's insecurity to hold you back. If you're not completely ready to settle down and start a family, you should not allow yourself to be pressured into it.

Tell Kirk that you love him and that you need his support now more than ever. Perhaps there is a class the two of you could take together so he won't feel left behind. Please explore this with Kirk. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: There are two groups of girls in high school: the "cool" girls and the "not so cool" girls. I have good friends in each group, but the groups hate each other.

When I hang out with a friend in the "cool" group, my friend in the other group ignores me for the rest of the day -- and vice versa.

Abby, when school starts again, how should I handle this ridiculous situation? Help! -- CONFLICTED TEEN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFLICTED: You're already "handling it" very well by being your own person and not allowing yourself to be manipulated. Since you can't change other people, you must change the way YOU react to them. Be strong and do not allow either group to isolate you. There are great advantages in learning early how to get along with all kinds of people. Remember that.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: It's hard to believe, but today in the United States more than 8.5 million children have no health insurance. They do not have access to annual checkups or eye exams, and are less likely to receive proper medical care for common childhood illnesses such as sore throats, earaches and asthma.

Covering Kids and Families, a project of the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, is working to let parents know that low-cost and free health care coverage IS available through the State Children's Health Insurance Program (SCHIP) and Medicaid.

Programs are available in all 50 states and the District of Columbia. Uninsured children are eligible for these programs, even if their parents work. Eligibility varies by state, but families earning up to $36,000 a year or more may qualify for these programs, which cover doctor visits, immunizations, hospitalizations and more.

As parents prepare their children to go back to school, Covering Kids and Families is encouraging parents of uninsured children to enroll them in a low-cost or free health care coverage program now.

Thank you for helping me spread the word, Abby. -- RISA LAVIZZO-MOUREY, M.D., M.B.A., PRESIDENT AND CEO, ROBERT WOOD JOHNSON FOUNDATION

DEAR DR. LAVIZZO-MOUREY: Thank YOU for your important letter. Parents, I urge you to call (877) KIDS-NOW ((877) 543-7669) to establish whether your children are eligible for these important programs.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17, and just graduated from high school. I have been accepted at two awesome colleges, but I have no clue as to what my major should be. What I really want is to go to a vocational school and become a hairdresser.

Do you think I should blow off those colleges, Abby? I have to choose before September. -- GIRL WITH HAIR-RAISING PROBLEM

DEAR GIRL: Attend one of the "awesome colleges" for at least a year, and sign up for courses in business. Whether or not you choose to graduate, those courses will be helpful to you in starting and running your own business.

Discuss your goal with your college counselor. In addition to the business courses some knowledge of chemistry and marketing would also be valuable. Although you may think you want to concentrate on cosmetology, you might at some point want to come up with your own product line.

DEAR ABBY: I have been teased by my classmates since third grade. In the sixth grade, I tried to act like I could read palms -- and I also wore strong perfume. The teasing got worse.

I will be in seventh grade in the fall, and I'm wondering if I should still try to be an "actor," or be myself. One person likes me the way I am. His name is "Nate," and he is my boyfriend. Nate says it doesn't matter to him whether I put on an act -- or if I'm just myself. (I think he would prefer me to act more natural.) What do you think I should do? -- UNPOPULAR -- BUT LOVED

DEAR UNPOPULAR: Your friend Nate is wise beyond his years. Be yourself. It's a lot less work than pretending to be a fortune teller or someone you're not.

P.S.: If you enjoy acting, try out for the school plays and musicals. It doesn't take a crystal ball to predict you'll be sensational.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)