DEAR ABBY: When I was in high school 10 years ago, I had a huge crush on "Jimmy." We were friends -- nothing more. After graduation, Jimmy and I went our separate ways.

I eventually met someone else and I am now happily married with two young children. However, I have never completely forgotten Jimmy. I look for him from time to time on the Internet -- and daydream about him often.

My high school reunion was last summer. For the first time in a decade, I finally saw Jimmy again and met his wife. To my disappointment, we did not pick up where we left off and had very little to say to each other. But seeing him gave me butterflies in my stomach. My daydreams about him are now stronger than ever.

Why can't I get him out of my mind? I know nothing is ever going to happen, but I feel like I'm being unfaithful to my husband. Please help.-- DISTRACTED WIFE IN THE LONE STAR STATE

DEAR DISTRACTED WIFE: You need to find out why you have chosen to obsess about a romance that never was and never will be. Until you do, you'll never be completely satisfied. Please don't think you're alone in having this problem. Fishermen and hunters often can't forget "the one that got away." Individual counseling will help you get the answers you're looking for.

DEAR ABBY: My husband died one year ago. I wore a gray outfit to his funeral instead of the traditional one. I have the feeling that some of the people there thought it was strange.

In recent years, I have noticed that some brides have worn a pale pink or an off-white gown, and I have seen bridesmaids wearing black taffeta with red. If this trend is acceptable, was my wearing a gray outfit at my husband's funeral OK? This has bothered me for a year. Please advise. -- WORRIED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WORRIED: Subdued colors are proper attire for a funeral; therefore, gray is perfectly acceptable.

If any of the attendees were more preoccupied with what you wore in your time of grief than in paying their respects, they have too much time on their hands. Please do not make their "problems" your own. Let it go.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Jake," and I have been fighting a lot lately. He says I am controlling and possessive.

I am a 32-year-old divorced mother of two. Jake is 31, and we have been dating nearly two years. The problem is, Jake used to see his friends two or three times a month, but for the past two weeks he has been going out with these single, balding, wannabe frat boys six or seven nights. He justifies it by accusing me of being controlling, and saying he never gets to hang out with his buddies anymore.

I admit I do make comments about his friends, who think beer is a breakfast drink. When Jake is with them, he becomes one of them -- rude and crude. This concerns me because I have two young children, and Jake and I have talked about making a life together. I'm starting to wonder what kind of life that might be.

What do you think? -- POSSESSIVE? IN BUFFALO, N.Y.

DEAR POSSESSIVE?: Two weeks is not a long time, but you are asking intelligent questions. Birds of a feather usually flock together -- and from your description of Jake, he may not yet be ready to build a marriage nest with you or anyone. Be patient for a few weeks. Refrain from finger-pointing. If Jake continues in this vein, then it's time for you to have a truth session.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am so confused. I can't decide with whom I should spend the rest of my life. My ex-fiance, "Ramon," is in jail. Ramon was a drug addict and is responsible for my bankruptcy. He swears he will be a changed man when he is released. There's also my ex-husband, "Fred." We were married for 10 years. He's the father of my two daughters. Fred swears on a stack of Bibles that he, too, has changed. Both of them want me back.

Ramon is still very demanding, jealous and accuses me of cheating. Believe me, I've had plenty of opportunities, but I haven't acted on any of them.

Fred has remarried, but says he will dump his wife to marry me. Fred hit me a couple of times while we were together -- but truth be told, he is more of a mouse than a man.

What should I do? I can't go to my family. They hate Ramon and Fred, but I love them both. -- WILLING TO TRUST AGAIN IN TULSA

DEAR WILLING: You have batted zero in the ballgame of love -- because you've been playing in the minor leagues. Ramon and Fred are your exes for good reasons. If I were you, I'd explore a third option. However, before doing so, I'd take a break from men for a while.

DEAR ABBY: For the past 15 years I have been best friends with a man I'll call James. We're both in our mid-20s. I always thought James and I told each other everything. Over the years we've shared some good and not-so-good times. He's been like a brother to me.

Recently, a mutual friend, "Kate," told me that James is gay. I am struggling with this news, because if it's true, I never had a clue. To complicate matters, for the past year I've been falling in love with him.

I need to confront James about his sexual orientation, and I also feel an urgency to tell him how I feel about him. But I don't know how to begin this "truth session." Please help me, Abby. -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN KNOXVILLE

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: Stay calm. Invite James over for coffee and a chat. There is no reason to beat around the bush. Tell him you would like to share some interesting gossip you heard from Kate. Then tell him what she said. Because she said it, doesn't make it true. His reaction will tell you what you need to know.

P.S. If it is true, James is still the same wonderful friend you've always had. Remember that.

DEAR ABBY: I have an old acquaintance, "Ralph," whom I hadn't seen for some time. He recently dropped by my home, and told me with great pride about his new business Web site. He said I should look it over. After he left, I did. Abby, it is awful! It is filled with misspelled words, boring graphics and redundant text. It's impossible to know exactly what his business is or what services he has to offer.

Ralph has not expressly asked for my opinion. If he does, should I be honest? -- A FRIEND WITH A FRIEND IN NEED

DEAR FRIEND: If he asks you, begin by pointing out the spelling errors. If he's open to that constructive criticism, and you have the time, point out that the graphics and text could use a little "tweaking" -- and give specific examples. If the situation were reversed, wouldn't YOU want to know?

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The recent letter from the woman who was seated next to a man who talked on his cell phone all during her daughter's graduation ceremony leads me to relate my experience.

Recently, my college-aged daughter and I were in a grocery store. A woman was walking down the aisle with her cell phone stuck to her ear. She was gossiping in a loud voice and using first and last names.

After two aisles of this, my daughter said to the woman, "Excuse me. I KNOW so-and-so. Shall I tell her how you feel about what happened?" The woman was visibly flustered. She ended the call, telling her "cell mate" she'd call her when she got home.

After we left the store, I asked my daughter how she knew the person. My daughter said she didn't. But she wanted the woman to realize that she was being overheard saying hurtful things in a crowded place. My daughter's rule of thumb is to never use names in public because you never know who's listening. End of lesson from a 21-year-old. -- PROUD MOM IN WALLINGFORD, CONN.

DEAR MOM: Your daughter is on the right track, but here's my rule of thumb: Gossip is usually hurtful and always cowardly. Before saying anything in public or in private, people should ask themselves, "Is it true? Is it kind? Is it helpful?" If the answer is no -- don't say it. Period. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: The letter from the woman whose graduation ceremony was ruined by a cosmically inconsiderate cell phone user reminded me of how I once dealt with someone of that ilk.

I used to commute by bus to work in Manhattan every day, and every morning a woman passenger behind me would crank up her phone and use it for intensely personal conversations.

One day, I turned around in my seat, faced her with my chin in my hands and listened raptly. She noticed immediately and said, rather tartly, "Excuse me. This is a private conversation!"

I replied, "No, it isn't, lady. They can hear you in Brooklyn." She signed off immediately. The phone went into her purse, where it remained until she got off at her stop.

Of course, some etiquette experts might not approve of my tactics, but sometimes when dealing with that degree of inconsideration, the only solution is to raise the bar. -- KEN IN LIVINGSTON, TEXAS

DEAR KEN: Funny -- but if I were you, I'd reserve that tactic only for extreme circumstances. People who fight fire with fire may end with more of a confrontation than they bargained for.

DEAR ABBY: A good friend of mine recently visited a friend of hers in Palm Springs and attended church services with him.

During the service, a member of the congregation stood up, took a cell phone call at the back of the church and continued to converse during the sermon.

After the service, the pastor did a "meet and greet" at the front door. When the offender went to shake her hand, she said, "The Lord sent me a special message just for you. He says that you are to refrain from taking calls during the service. He recommends that you keep your cell phone in your car, and says he'll be happy to take any messages and save them on voicemail for you."

My friend said the person turned beet red -- and more than one person "got the message" that day because there have been no more cell phone calls in church. -- ALSO ANNOYED IN SALINAS, CALIF.

DEAR ALSO: Which proves that not all important messages have to be delivered from the pulpit -- or even from the great beyond -- in order to be universally heard.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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