DEAR ABBY: Last year, my husband "Rick," and I were asked to host an exchange student from Sweden. When Rick saw "Inga" for the first time at the airport, he told me he felt an "instant bond." He now wants to help her with all her goals and objectives. Those goals include Inga never returning to Sweden. Rick is talking about letting her live with us while she finishes high school and community college.

Rick spends many hours helping Inga perfect her English and do homework. He takes time off work to take her on day trips to see our local "points of interest." He comes home early from work to watch her compete in swim meets and volleyball.

I am jealous that Rick is giving Inga all this attention because he has never done it for our daughter or me. When I comment about how much time he spends with her, he pouts. One minute he says he wishes he had never met her; the next he's talking about Inga living with us permanently and sponsoring her citizenship. I think he's obsessed with her. What do you think? -- FEELING FORGOTTEN IN FLORIDA

DEAR FEELING FORGOTTEN: I think it's time to call the organization that sent Inga to you, tell them it's not working out, and arrange for her transfer to other lodging. The girl is underage and the situation is explosive. Do it to save your marriage -- and the girl's and your husband's reputations. Then insist on marriage counseling.

P.S. If your husband isn't willing to go along with this, tell him you're going to exchange HIM for a more responsible role model.

DEAR ABBY: I'm at my wit's end. Five years ago, my daughter, "Julie," moved in with me. Later, her boyfriend, "Rick," moved in and then Julie's adult daughter, "Lisa." (Julie and Rick are now married.) Between them, they give me about $300 for rent each month.

Things were OK until about 18 months ago. Rick's attitude toward me changed and so did Julie's. They have control of my whole house, Abby. Lisa sleeps in a room they set up for her in my attic. Last month, Julie and Rick decided we should have a "family meeting." Lisa was included. (Lisa has a job and contributes about $100 a month for her share of the rent.)

They announced that they will no longer buy food, cleaning or toilet supplies for the house -- just for themselves. They now put their names on everything. I feel like I'm in jail in my own home. I pay the mortgage, the utility bills and the taxes. They pay two-thirds of the water bill.

They moved out once but couldn't make it on their own, and I foolishly allowed them to move back in. Now Rick is the boss of my house and Julie goes along with everything he says. I don't know what to do. I'm considering moving out. It's hurtful that they'd treat me like this. I'm not a youngster -- I'm over 60.

Can you help me? -- EMOTIONALLY ABANDONED IN MARYLAND

DEAR EMOTIONALLY ABANDONED: If your daughter and her husband are putting their names on your house, your car or other property, pick up the phone and call a lawyer. If you don't have one, get a referral from a trusted friend or your local bar association. The lawyer can also explain your rights in your home so that your family can't take advantage of you any longer.

Under no circumstances should you leave your home. If anyone goes, it must be your daughter and her family. You are being emotionally abused.

Once you have talked to your attorney, offer your "family" the option of family counseling. No one should feel like a prisoner in her own home, so please do not tolerate it for one more day.

Let me hear from you when you have followed my advice. I'm concerned about your welfare.

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DEAR ABBY: When I was in high school 10 years ago, I had a huge crush on "Jimmy." We were friends -- nothing more. After graduation, Jimmy and I went our separate ways.

I eventually met someone else and I am now happily married with two young children. However, I have never completely forgotten Jimmy. I look for him from time to time on the Internet -- and daydream about him often.

My high school reunion was last summer. For the first time in a decade, I finally saw Jimmy again and met his wife. To my disappointment, we did not pick up where we left off and had very little to say to each other. But seeing him gave me butterflies in my stomach. My daydreams about him are now stronger than ever.

Why can't I get him out of my mind? I know nothing is ever going to happen, but I feel like I'm being unfaithful to my husband. Please help.-- DISTRACTED WIFE IN THE LONE STAR STATE

DEAR DISTRACTED WIFE: You need to find out why you have chosen to obsess about a romance that never was and never will be. Until you do, you'll never be completely satisfied. Please don't think you're alone in having this problem. Fishermen and hunters often can't forget "the one that got away." Individual counseling will help you get the answers you're looking for.

DEAR ABBY: My husband died one year ago. I wore a gray outfit to his funeral instead of the traditional one. I have the feeling that some of the people there thought it was strange.

In recent years, I have noticed that some brides have worn a pale pink or an off-white gown, and I have seen bridesmaids wearing black taffeta with red. If this trend is acceptable, was my wearing a gray outfit at my husband's funeral OK? This has bothered me for a year. Please advise. -- WORRIED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WORRIED: Subdued colors are proper attire for a funeral; therefore, gray is perfectly acceptable.

If any of the attendees were more preoccupied with what you wore in your time of grief than in paying their respects, they have too much time on their hands. Please do not make their "problems" your own. Let it go.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Jake," and I have been fighting a lot lately. He says I am controlling and possessive.

I am a 32-year-old divorced mother of two. Jake is 31, and we have been dating nearly two years. The problem is, Jake used to see his friends two or three times a month, but for the past two weeks he has been going out with these single, balding, wannabe frat boys six or seven nights. He justifies it by accusing me of being controlling, and saying he never gets to hang out with his buddies anymore.

I admit I do make comments about his friends, who think beer is a breakfast drink. When Jake is with them, he becomes one of them -- rude and crude. This concerns me because I have two young children, and Jake and I have talked about making a life together. I'm starting to wonder what kind of life that might be.

What do you think? -- POSSESSIVE? IN BUFFALO, N.Y.

DEAR POSSESSIVE?: Two weeks is not a long time, but you are asking intelligent questions. Birds of a feather usually flock together -- and from your description of Jake, he may not yet be ready to build a marriage nest with you or anyone. Be patient for a few weeks. Refrain from finger-pointing. If Jake continues in this vein, then it's time for you to have a truth session.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am so confused. I can't decide with whom I should spend the rest of my life. My ex-fiance, "Ramon," is in jail. Ramon was a drug addict and is responsible for my bankruptcy. He swears he will be a changed man when he is released. There's also my ex-husband, "Fred." We were married for 10 years. He's the father of my two daughters. Fred swears on a stack of Bibles that he, too, has changed. Both of them want me back.

Ramon is still very demanding, jealous and accuses me of cheating. Believe me, I've had plenty of opportunities, but I haven't acted on any of them.

Fred has remarried, but says he will dump his wife to marry me. Fred hit me a couple of times while we were together -- but truth be told, he is more of a mouse than a man.

What should I do? I can't go to my family. They hate Ramon and Fred, but I love them both. -- WILLING TO TRUST AGAIN IN TULSA

DEAR WILLING: You have batted zero in the ballgame of love -- because you've been playing in the minor leagues. Ramon and Fred are your exes for good reasons. If I were you, I'd explore a third option. However, before doing so, I'd take a break from men for a while.

DEAR ABBY: For the past 15 years I have been best friends with a man I'll call James. We're both in our mid-20s. I always thought James and I told each other everything. Over the years we've shared some good and not-so-good times. He's been like a brother to me.

Recently, a mutual friend, "Kate," told me that James is gay. I am struggling with this news, because if it's true, I never had a clue. To complicate matters, for the past year I've been falling in love with him.

I need to confront James about his sexual orientation, and I also feel an urgency to tell him how I feel about him. But I don't know how to begin this "truth session." Please help me, Abby. -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN KNOXVILLE

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: Stay calm. Invite James over for coffee and a chat. There is no reason to beat around the bush. Tell him you would like to share some interesting gossip you heard from Kate. Then tell him what she said. Because she said it, doesn't make it true. His reaction will tell you what you need to know.

P.S. If it is true, James is still the same wonderful friend you've always had. Remember that.

DEAR ABBY: I have an old acquaintance, "Ralph," whom I hadn't seen for some time. He recently dropped by my home, and told me with great pride about his new business Web site. He said I should look it over. After he left, I did. Abby, it is awful! It is filled with misspelled words, boring graphics and redundant text. It's impossible to know exactly what his business is or what services he has to offer.

Ralph has not expressly asked for my opinion. If he does, should I be honest? -- A FRIEND WITH A FRIEND IN NEED

DEAR FRIEND: If he asks you, begin by pointing out the spelling errors. If he's open to that constructive criticism, and you have the time, point out that the graphics and text could use a little "tweaking" -- and give specific examples. If the situation were reversed, wouldn't YOU want to know?

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)