DEAR ABBY: I am an only child. Four years ago, when I was 19, I lost my father to cancer. Recently I was sorting through some of Dad's papers and found an old will. It said something to the effect that "I, Michael, am the father of Sarah and Anne, both from a previous marriage. When I refer to 'my daughter,' in the remainder of the will, I am speaking only of 'Kelly.'" (That's me.) I was floored. I have two older half-sisters I was never told about! Growing up, I hated being an only child and begged my parents to have more children.

I do not believe my father was a "deadbeat dad," because he always spoke harshly about individuals who didn't pay child support. He traveled the world in the military and lived in many countries and states before he met my mother.

Abby, I am afraid to confront my mother. I know I shouldn't have snooped through my father's old papers, but I feel I had the right to know I have two half-siblings. What do I do now? -- NOT MY FATHER'S ONLY PRECIOUS GIRL

DEAR NOT: If you want answers, tell your mother what you found. You are an adult now, and you have a right to know the truth. What you choose to do with that information is up to you.

DEAR ABBY: I recently graduated from college. My senior year was spent in a house I was renting with six girls I knew from high school. Earlier in the year, my roommates talked me into throwing a party. A lot of people showed up that we didn't know, and the party escalated into violence. A window was smashed, a door was broken, and a friend of ours was punched in the face. After that, I told my roommates I wanted no more parties in our home.

Last week, I went out of town to be with my sister while she had surgery. I heard from a mutual friend that while I was gone, my roommates threw a party and had agreed not to tell me. I am hurt and angry that they hid this from me.

My friend told me to "get over it," that I was outnumbered, and that it wasn't fair for me to tell them they couldn't have a party. Should I confront my roommates about their deception or move on? -- FRUSTRATED IN COLORADO

DEAR FRUSTRATED: I see no reason for confrontation. You are all adults. If you feel their parties are too wild for your taste, instead of moving on, move OUT.

DEAR ABBY: I am a preteen girl with an adult brother who sexually assaults me. One day I finally worked up the guts to tell my mom, but she just told me not to be in the same room with him. Abby, this is impossible because he lives in our house. What can I do that won't cause me to end up in a foster home? -- CLUELESS LITTLE GIRL IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR CLUELESS: Please talk about this to a trusted teacher at school. That your mother is unwilling to protect you is shocking. It does not necessarily follow that if you tell, you will have to go to foster care. There is a strong likelihood that your brother will be removed from the home.

Please understand that none of this is your fault. What your brother is doing to you is a crime. He must be stopped.

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DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 35 years. I worked for the first few years, but my husband, "Lou," was mean and beat me. He broke my arm, my shoulder, my jaw and a couple of ribs. Lou wouldn't let me have contact with friends or family because it took time away from him. He said he couldn't stand coming home to an empty house and that was why he cheated. Then Lou decided I could no longer work because he wanted me home when he got there.

So I gave up my job, stayed home and cleaned, cooked and raised our children. (They are now all grown and married.) I waited on Lou hand and foot. I felt more like a slave than a wife -- but I loved him.

Well, now he has a girlfriend. He met her at the country club. We used to golf there together. She knew Lou was married but still asked him to come home with her and lured him into her bed.

Last week, Lou told me to get a job and credit cards, and learn to take care of myself. I want to die. He was my whole life. If a man steals your car or burglarizes your house, he goes to jail. Yet someone can steal your husband and walk away free. There ought to be a law to stop this kind of thievery. -- SCARED OF A NEW LIFE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SCARED: I find it interesting that instead of aiming your anger at your husband where it belongs, you have directed it at his next victim. He was obviously doing a lot more than the usual amount of "swinging" at the golf club. If she marries him, he will do to her exactly what he has done to you.

Please recognize that the good Lord has blessed you with a chance for a better life. You have been handed the keys to your prison cell. You now have the opportunity to regain a relationship with the family from whom you were isolated and to build healthy, supportive friendships. Once you are back in the work force, you will regain your self-reliance and dignity. Counseling can help in each of these areas, so please stop clinging to the past and avail yourself of it.

Consult a lawyer ASAP to make sure your husband cannot hide his assets, and find out what you are entitled to after 35 years of servitude. You may be pleasantly surprised.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Oscar," and I have been dating for more than two years. In the last few months, we have begun talking about eloping, but I have reservations because I have never been introduced to his parents, who live out of state.

Oscar's parents are not financially able to visit us, so last year, he arranged to have us visit his parents over the holidays. However, the plans mysteriously unraveled.

I have asked Oscar several times if there is something that he is afraid to tell me, but he insists that he is merely unconventional.

Am I right to be worried? Or am I just being paranoid? -- FRUSTRATED IN MARYLAND

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You are right to be worried. When you marry someone, you also marry his or her family. Make no more commitments until you -- and your family -- have met Oscar's family. It appears that your "unconventional" boyfriend has something to hide.

DEAR ABBY: I never thought I would ever write to you, but last night our son -- who is engaged -- came over and told us that his fiancee's parents are upset with us because we didn't pick up the check for a dinner THEY invited us to.

Were we wrong not to offer to pay for the dinner? -- ELOISE IN NEWPORT, R.I.

DEAR ELOISE: There was obviously a miscommunication somewhere. Invite them to dinner ASAP, pick up the check, and in the future, offer to split the bill.

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DEAR ABBY: I had to write after reading the letter from "Brokenhearted Mom in Virginia." My 14-year-old daughter developed an Internet relationship with a now 21-year-old man when she was 10. By the time she was 12, he was drawing her into a deeply dysfunctional relationship. Unbeknownst to her, he was a mental patient who was obsessed with suicide and self-mutilation.

Without going into a lot of detail, it took more than a year to permanently end this relationship and purge this person from our lives. When our daughter tried on her own to extricate herself, he threatened to commit suicide and take her with him, as well as kill her family. We were finally able to get him locked up in a mental facility. We were also able to obtain a restraining order to keep him away.

Abby, please impress upon "Brokenhearted Mom" that her daughter is a child and does not see the situation in the same light as she does. Her friends may be encouraging and enabling the relationship. The daughter will most likely see it as an "us against them" situation.

"Mom" must assert control and pay a visit to her local police station. She should speak to an officer about her options, and make sure to document the relationship as best she can. She should also obtain copies of all correspondence between the man and her daughter. There is software that can capture their conversations to a file.

When it comes to obtaining a restraining order, "Brokenhearted Mom" will need evidence of the relationship because it is likely her daughter will refuse to cooperate. Once the police become involved, they will probably contact the perpetrator and warn him. If that doesn't work, a restraining order is next, and if he violates that, he will be arrested.

It's important to bear in mind that the daughter will need professional help in recovering from a relationship with a pedophile. She's going to be very, very angry at her mother. A therapist can help her deal with this. In fact, a therapist should be contacted for help BEFORE any action is taken to end the relationship. It will be a very difficult behavioral period.

And last, please, please move the computer to a central location where a parent can supervise exactly what his or her child is doing at all times. Internet access should not be allowed when a parent cannot be around. I learned this lesson the hard way. Access to the telephone may also have to be limited for a time. Caller ID is extremely helpful, because you can block the stalker's number. -- WISER NOW ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR WISER NOW: Thank you for sharing your experience with more readers -- and parents -- than you can imagine. I hope they will take your experience to heart and understand that their children are as vulnerable wandering in cyberspace as they would be wandering the streets of a strange city. Predators capitalize on the lack of experience and gullibility of young people -- some of whom are lonely, emotionally isolated and needy. Their access can be curtailed only if parents take the time, and make it their business, to do it.

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