DEAR ABBY: My close friend, "Denise," tells me when others say something derogatory about me. Some examples:

Denise was recently in a restaurant with "Martha," a mutual friend, when I happened to enter. Denise said that Martha laughed and made fun of me when she saw me. Another time, a woman I'll call Lorraine invited Denise to a party but didn't invite me. Denise said she told Lorraine she wouldn't attend unless I were also invited. Lorraine relented and reluctantly invited me, although Denise said she really didn't want to.

There have been other incidents when people said unflattering things about me to Denise, and Denise reported them to me. Why? I never tell her when I hear something uncomplimentary about her because I don't want to hurt her feelings. Why do you suppose she feels compelled to bring me "bad news" about myself? Your opinion is appreciated. -- HURTING IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR HURTING: She does it because she gets a perverse pleasure out of hurting you. A more important question is: Why do you tolerate it? So-called "friends" have been known to make up unkind things out of whole cloth in order to isolate people from their other friends. If I were you, I'd start asking the individuals she reports are bad-mouthing you if what she said is true. I advise you to keep Denise at arm's length. She personifies the old saying, "It takes an enemy and a friend working together to hurt you to the core -- the enemy to slander you and the friend to get the news to you."

DEAR ABBY: All my life, I have been unbearably shy. I have few friends. My co-workers think I dislike them because I don't talk much. I do like most people and I'm tired of being lonely -- but when I try to communicate, I panic and can't think of what to say. How can I get over this? -- CLAMMED-UP IN KANSAS

DEAR CLAMMED-UP: By writing to me, you have already taken the first step in coping with your problem -- so don't be shy. You're on the right track.

I have several suggestions to offer. The first is simple. Write down, in advance, some topics to discuss with your co-workers and take the list with you. If your mind goes blank, consult the list. Believe me, you are not the only person to whom this happens.

If that isn't enough to get the ball rolling, consider that you might suffer from a social anxiety disorder. A psychologist can help you overcome it with counseling and medications. Enough people suffer from social anxiety disorders that online support groups have been formed to provide help. Members.aol.com/cybernettr/shyness.html offers information to help overcome shyness, as well as tips on job hunting, assertiveness and dating.

The Social Anxiety Group at http://anxietynetwork.com offers support and education to those with anxiety disorders. Members exchange coping skills, and there are online support meetings for people with social phobias. I'm sure you will be welcomed.

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to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I met "David" eight months ago, and we were married after only a few months. He doesn't have many male friends, by choice. Although I love David, he is smothering me. David works next door and watches everything I do. If I go to the store, he has to go. If I play on the computer, he's right there beside me. It seems I can't do anything without him around. I'm not cheating and he knows it, but it seems he has to spend every waking moment by my side.

I don't want to be rude, because I love my husband. But I need some breathing space. He wonders why I am irritable with him so often. Please give me some advice about the smothering. -- CAN'T BREATHE IN COEUR D'ALENE, IDAHO

DEAR CAN'T BREATHE: Your marriage is in serious trouble. I don't know your husband; however, he appears to be super-controlling, hyper-needy and insecure. That he has no male friends is telling. For whatsoever reason, he is completely dependent upon you.

Tell David exactly how you feel. He needs counseling before he loses you -- and you both would benefit from counseling together to work on your communication skills.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old daughter, "Olivia," is pregnant. My husband, "Bill," kicked her out of the house because the father is of another race. Abby, she has nowhere to live and is staying with whoever will take her in each night. She doesn't eat properly and she doesn't sleep well.

Olivia has always dreamed of going to college and becoming a private investigator. I am afraid if she doesn't come home, she may not be strong enough to make it through high school -- especially with a baby to take care of.

I am desperate to help my daughter, but Bill won't budge. Should I leave him and let the chips fall where they may? -- WORRIED ABOUT MY DAUGHTER IN FORT WORTH

DEAR WORRIED: Your daughter is in serious trouble. She needs you right now to survive. Tell your husband, the bigot, that Olivia is your responsibility legally and morally until she reaches adulthood. If he refuses to back off and accept it, HE should be the one to leave, not you and Olivia.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Her plane made an unscheduled stop in Sacramento. The flight attendant explained that if passengers wanted to get off the aircraft they could re-board in 30 minutes.

Everyone got off the plane except for one gentleman who was blind. His Seeing Eye dog lay quietly under the seats in front of him. The man must have been a regular on that flight, because the pilot approached him and said, "James, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"

James replied, "No, thanks. But maybe my dog would like to stretch HIS legs."

People in the terminal were aghast and pointing when they saw the pilot -- wearing aviator sunglasses -- emerge from the plane being led by a Seeing Eye dog! -- STILL LAUGHING IN TAMPA

DEAR LAUGHING: For someone with a fear of flying, that may have been the last straw. However, with airline technology advancing at the rate it has in recent years, what they surmised may one day be reality.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Twenty-five years ago, my husband and I hired a 16-year-old girl, "Susan," as a "mother's helper" for the summer. She watched our children while my husband, "Drew," and I worked. Once in a while Susan would spend the night. On one of those nights, Drew raped Susan and she became pregnant.

Charges were not filed, and Drew begged my forgiveness. Drew paid for Susan's medical expenses and she was sent away to a maternity home. The baby was adopted. We never knew whether the child was a boy or a girl.

We moved 800 miles away to get over the shame, and after a lot of hard work, we repaired our marriage. We never told our children about Susan and their father.

Last week, Drew received a special delivery letter from his birth daughter. She wants to meet him and ask him some questions. She has already met Susan, who did not tell her about the rape. Susan told her she was the result of a "relationship that didn't work out."

Abby, should Drew refuse to meet her? Should he tell her the truth? Should we tell our grown children? We need your help. -- PAIN REVISITED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PAIN REVISITED: Your husband was the beneficiary of outdated thinking from the "dark ages." Today he would be a registered sex offender with a prison record.

Drew should meet the girl he fathered. If asked, he should corroborate the story that her mother has told her. He should also answer any questions regarding medical history that could affect her and her children.

Unless you want your children to know this disgraceful chapter in their father's life, I see no reason to reveal the rest of the story to them.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Keith," is 14. He started acting different and told me he was hearing voices telling him they were going to kill him. I told his mom and she took him to a doctor. The doctor said Keith was psychotic and placed him in a locked psych ward.

My mom said I couldn't visit Keith in the hospital, but after a few weeks I snuck over there against her will. Keith was getting better and we were able to walk outside together and talk.

When Mom found out, she stopped talking to me because I refused to break up with him. She liked him a lot before he got sick.

I'd like your opinion on why Mom didn't want me to visit Keith in the psych ward. He was still the same person. Please answer soon. -- FRIGHTENED IN ORLANDO, FLA.

DEAR FRIGHTENED: I can only surmise what your mother may have been thinking. It could have been because she does not understand mental illness and was concerned for your safety. It's also possible she preferred that Keith be completely recovered before you contacted him. (People who are isolated in the hospital usually need peace and quiet to aid in their recovery.)

However, if ever Keith needed friends to rally around him, it's now. Apologize to your mother for disobeying her. She really should talk to Keith's mother about his treatment and prognosis before making any final decisions about your relationship with him.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)