DEAR ABBY: I was shocked when I read your reply to "Alone and Terrified," the teenage girl from Columbus, Ga. She had just discovered she was pregnant and was afraid to tell her parents because she was scared of their reaction. You advised her to go to Planned Parenthood. Were you advising her to get an abortion? -- APPALLED IN FLORIDA

DEAR APPALLED: No. That's a matter of personal choice. I urged her to confide in her mother or another trusted female adult, and if she could not do that, to consult Planned Parenthood. The worst thing in the world a girl in that situation can do is nothing. I knew that Planned Parenthood would advise her about her entire range of options. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Why did you assume that the girl couldn't trust her father enough to talk with him? In your mind, any trusted female seems preferable to talking to Dad. And what about the prospective father? -- DONALD C. HUBIN, PH.D., COLUMBUS, OHIO

DEAR DONALD: If the father was the parent who gave the girl her sex education, then she might feel comfortable confiding in him. However, many young women are self-conscious, and therefore reluctant, to discuss their sexuality with their fathers. Had she felt she could depend on the boy involved, she wouldn't have signed herself "Alone and Terrified."

DEAR ABBY: If that girl aborts her baby, she will most likely suffer for the rest of her life with the guilt she will eventually feel for having chosen abortion. -- LISA S., NEW MILFORD, PA.

DEAR LISA: That's not always the case. Reactions can vary. Although some women experience guilt, I have read that many report feeling a combination of regret and relief.

DEAR ABBY: Here in California a girl recently died because rather than going to her parents for help, she went to Planned Parenthood. Secrets should never be encouraged. Parents are the teen's best option. -- DANA S., ESCONDIDO, CALIF.

DEAR DANA: All medical procedures, and that includes abortion, carry some risk. According to reports I have read, the girl died of septic shock after taking RU-486. However, abortions are far safer today than they were 10 years ago -- and certainly safer than when the procedure was illegal and performed in back alleys.

My heart goes out to that girl's parents, and I agree that parents should be the best option. However, not all families are the kind we saw on "Leave It to Beaver," and many girls are afraid to confide in their parents.

DEAR ABBY: You should read "Grand Illusions," George Grant's expose of the racist roots of Planned Parenthood. Not to have advised that girl to visit her local Crisis Pregnancy Center was misleading. -- LENORE IN MANHATTAN, MONT.

DEAR LENORE: Margaret Sanger, who founded the tiny birth control clinic that was to become the Planned Parenthood Federation of America, became a family planning crusader because she felt it was vital for POOR women (and that included women of color) to control their fertility and not be forced to have large families they couldn't take care of. A woman who is not in charge of her reproductive life is not in charge of her life. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, the average woman, without birth control, would have between 12 and 15 pregnancies in her lifetime.

Planned Parenthood's mission is to help women make the right choice for THEM. For some, that means carrying a pregnancy to term. For others, it means using birth control. And for still others it can mean having an abortion. It is a matter of personal freedom and deeply personal choice.

P.S. I would advise women to go to Crisis Pregnancy Centers if I were convinced they wouldn't be forced to watch color videos of aborted fetuses.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My letter concerns a beautiful 17-year-old girl. She was the apple of her father's eye, one of my daughter's closest friends. She was popular and enjoyed sports. She had a bright future ahead of her.

She, her boyfriend and another couple opted for a nice dinner and a party instead of attending the homecoming dance. At some point during the evening, these kids made a tragic mistake -- alcohol became a part of the "fun."

The police said alcohol, excessive speed and wet pavement led to the terrible crash. The car hit two trees at nearly 60 mph, and this lovely young girl died at the scene. Her boyfriend is paralyzed. The 18-year-old driver of the car died the following morning. They had dropped off another teenager just minutes before the crash. She didn't realize until morning that the ambulance she heard wail by her bedroom window was for her friends.

I wish every teen would see what I witnessed at the funeral -- the grief-stricken father, the mother in shock, other family members numb with disbelief. Maybe it would save some lives. We as parents could offer little comfort to our devastated children. Half the high school was there, not a dry eye in the place. Many teens seemed on the verge of collapse.

This calamity is repeated every year in this country. It has to stop.

Teens: I BEG you. Please don't drink and drive or ride with anyone who has been drinking.

Parents: Promise your children that while you don't condone underage drinking, a safe ride home is just a phone call away -- night or day. Assure them that this ride comes without lecture or punishment of any kind.

So many lives will never be the same. The grieving families will never fully recover. Please, Abby, print this letter as a warning. Life is fragile. Life is precious. Don't waste it -- don't take chances. -- MOURNING IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR MOURNING: My deepest sympathy to all of the families who were affected by this senseless tragedy.

Teens who do not drink credit their families as the biggest influence for making that intelligent choice. Youth whose parents discuss alcohol (and drug) use with them -- regularly, knowledgeably and specifically -- are less likely to engage in substance abuse than teens whose parents say little or nothing about the subject. Knowing your children's activities and friends, and the parents of their friends, is also important.

I urge every parent and other adult caregivers to ask the government's National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information for a free copy of the booklet "Keeping Youth Drug Free." It can be obtained by calling toll-free: 1-800-729-6686. (It can also be read online at www.health.org.)

With more than 2,200 young people ages 16 to 20 dying in alcohol-related crashes every year, we must make a greater effort to prevent this waste of human life.

To my young readers: Please don't shrug this off. Make smart choices, because if you don't -- it CAN happen to you.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Please answer this quickly. There is no one else I can talk to. I am a devout Christian woman, prominent in my church and have an impeccable reputation. My late husband's family treats me with respect and generosity.

I was unhappy when "Henry" and I were married and I wanted to divorce him, but the man I was having an affair with at the time would not leave his wife for me. In spite of being devastated, I was also blessed because Henry died a short time later. I have been free now for 10 years.

I love my freedom and the relationship I have with Henry's family. But recently I have begun to wonder if I should confide in my brother-in-law, "Rick" (who is getting a divorce), that I was unhappy enough with his brother to have had affairs much of the time we were married. It might make Rick feel better about his own "mess" and possibly bring him closer to me.

Should I open my heart to him? He thinks of me as a sister. -- UNSURE IN CHARLESTON, S.C.

DEAR UNSURE: Your brother-in-law thinks of you as a sister because he is under the impression that you were a faithful and loving wife to Henry. If you shatter that illusion, you will spoil the relationship you have enjoyed so long with your former in-laws.

Since you feel a compulsion to confess, confess to your spiritual adviser. Confession is good for the soul, but in your case it should be completely confidential.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old married woman with an adorable 8-year-old stepson, "Cody," who lives with his father and me. Cody's mother, "Heather," left five years ago. Shortly after that, I met and immediately fell in love with my ready-made family.

I cannot have children of my own. Heather's mistake of leaving her husband and child became my "miracle." I was willing to do anything to make my family work. There was so much hostility between my husband and Heather that they could barely converse without it becoming a yelling match.

Now, four years later, my husband, stepson and I have a civil relationship with Heather. Although Cody lives with us, his mother has him every other weekend. (We live in the same town.) Heather and I are both active in Cody's school activities, and we share the responsibility of taking him to doctor and dentist appointments (sometimes together). We have been applauded by Cody's teachers for being so supportive of our little boy.

Recently Heather has begun confiding in me about her personal problems. She has a good job, pays no child support, so I'm not sure why she's as broke as she claims. Listening to her money woes makes me extremely uncomfortable, but I'm afraid if I say so, it could cause conflict all over again. That's the last thing I want after trying so hard to get us all to be a family unit for Cody's sake.

My friends and family say that I'm letting my husband's ex-wife manipulate me, and I'm beginning to wonder if it's true. How should I handle it, Abby? -- STEPMOM WHO WANTS WHAT'S BEST FOR HER FAMILY

DEAR STEPMOM: For the sake of your stepson, continue to allow his mother to vent. She's not asking you for money -- and if she does, suggest to her as kindly as possible that a second job and credit counseling can help.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)