DEAR ABBY: This is in response to a letter you printed from a high school junior struggling with her mother over exploring colleges. She wanted to apply to many different schools, but due to financial constraints, her mother insisted she limit herself to state-funded schools.

If that girl has the grades, she has many options open to her. Sometimes Ivy League schools give scholarships and grants that can match or better anything offered by a state school. She should also be aware that she can take out student loans that she can repay in installments after she graduates. -- PROUD PARENT OF A SCHOLARSHIP STUDENT

DEAR PROUD: Bless you for wanting to help. I'm often touched by the number of people who read something in my column and reach out. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mom with an income under $40,000. My twin daughters and son were all college-bound at the same time. Their school advisers told us to apply to prestigious private schools because they give the most financial aid to students. All three of my children did, and they all received their best offers from Ivy League and religious colleges.

Please tell her to go for it! -- CHRIS IN YAKIMA, WASH.

DEAR CHRIS: You have already done that. I hope your letter will inspire mother and daughter and other college-bound students trying to reach for the stars. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As a private college counselor for 25 years, I always tell students that application season is one of discovery –- a time to decide what you want to get out of a college education, where you will best fit, and where you might qualify for merit scholarships.

First, apply and get accepted to the colleges of your choice. The time spent filling out applications is worth it. Students who can't afford the filing fee can request a waiver.

The girl whose letter appeared in your column can get an excellent college education if she takes the time to apply. I wish her the best of luck. -- RONNIE IN HOLMDEL, N.J.

DEAR RONNIE: So do I!

DEAR ABBY: I grew up with no father. Mom was a food server with three kids to support. Even so, I was in the top 10 percent of my class. I had dreams. I wanted to attend college and escape a life of poverty.

Against all advice, I applied to five different colleges. I received full scholarships from two Ivy League schools. Room, board and tuition were covered. In four years, I was an Ivy League graduate.

I recommend the college issue of U.S. News & World Report. It not only ranks schools but also lists those that are most generous to the deserving.

The only way to ensure you won't succeed is not even to try. -- EDUCATED IN ATLANTA

DEAR EDUCATED: Your last sentence says it all. Other good places to research scholarships include: � HYPERLINK "http://www.fastweb.com" ��www.fastweb.com�, � HYPERLINK "http://www.finaid.org" ��www.finaid.org�, www.collegenet.com and www.fastaid.com.

I am also told that a booklet published by the American Legion, "Need a Lift?" is another terrific resource. It contains 162 pages listing scholarships, loans, grants and financial aid. (It can be purchased for $3.95 and ordered by calling toll-free: (888) 453-4466.)

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to thank all those generous people who work nights, weekends and holidays.

Without the help of the auto club operator who answered my call one Christmas morning (and the mechanic who showed up), I would have missed the joy of seeing my grandchild opening gifts.

We no longer argue about what everyone wants for Christmas breakfast because of the servers, chefs and busboys who give me the best present of all -– more relaxed time with my family because everyone can eat what they want.

And let's not forget the emergency medical workers who are always there for childhood emergencies, all too often in the middle of the night or on holidays. Thanks, too, to the pharmacists who fill prescriptions when the establishments around them are closed.

I am grateful to everyone who gives up precious time with their own families and friends in order to make life easier for the rest of us.

Abby, thanks for printing this. I want all these generous people to know how appreciated they are, especially at holiday time. Bless you one and all. -- GRATEFUL

DEAR GRATEFUL: Thank you for an uplifting letter. Counting our blessings is a wonderful way to start a new year, and you have mentioned only a few of our unsung heroes. Add to that our police, our firefighters, our brave young men and women in the military, and caregivers everywhere. They, too, are unsung heroes.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Phil," and I lost a child two years ago on Christmas Eve. Before that Phil was always affectionate. Now he hardly shows his emotions at all, and doesn't tell me he loves me as often as he used to.

I love my husband with all my heart and want things the way they used to be. I think he is still hurting, but he refuses to get help.

What should I do? Please help me. -- LOVING HIM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR LOVING: It's clear that your husband is still grieving and has not been able to move on as quickly as you have. Since he refuses to go to grief counseling, go without him.

It may help you to understand that grief is an individual process, and perhaps it will better enable you to help him through it.

Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss.

DEAR ABBY: I really need some help. When I was 15, my half-brother raped me. I am now almost 40. I want nothing to do with him, and I don't want him around my kids.

Abby, my half-brother keeps trying to call me. How can I make him leave me alone without anyone knowing what happened? – EMBARRASSED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Please stop protecting him with your silence. Contact a rape crisis hotline. It is long overdue and you can still benefit from post-traumatic stress counseling. You have no reason to be embarrassed or to keep this a secret. A rape victim is never at fault.

You can also install caller ID on your telephone and block his calls to stop the harassment. If that fails, talk to your lawyer about a restraining order.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 15. I have been in a relationship with "Adam" for four years, but things just don't seem the same. I met him when I was 11 and we have been together ever since. I waited until my 14th birthday to give him my virginity and we were in love way before that. He is the only guy I have ever loved.

It seems like we fight all the time. He has never hit me or anything, but he has shaken me, and I'm wondering if he would ever hit me in the future. Do you think we should stay together? I want to, but at the same time I don't.

I never thought I'd say that, but I'm sure it means something. What should I do? -- TENNESSEE TEEN

DEAR TEEN: Let me explain something to you. Abusive behavior does not spring from the egg, fully formed like a chicken. It starts out small and grows like a vine until it weighs down and smothers the victim. I'll bet Adam didn't start out by shaking you. It probably started with nasty comments, then yelling -- and now this. Will it continue to escalate? Very likely, unless Adam learns that it is unacceptable behavior and is willing to find acceptable ways of displaying his anger.

The preteen and teen years are supposed to be a time of growth and learning, both intellectually and socially. You have limited yourself to one person for too long, and on some level, I think you already know that. Tell Adam you no longer want an exclusive relationship, that you intend to concentrate on your studies and see other people. Then do it. If he doesn't like it, get your parents involved. I'm sure they will set him straight in a hurry.

DEAR ABBY: I am a college student in a small town. Eight months ago, I met a wonderful young man, and we were planning to be married until I told him about my past.

My stepfather molested me. It was long ago, and I have since forgiven him and my mother. (Mother is still married to him.)

My boyfriend, however, cannot forgive them. He tried to convince my mother to leave my stepfather. She refused, and now my boyfriend and my mother no longer speak.

He says things will never work out because of this rift he has with my family. I am willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work, but he says he can't be around my family, and it isn't fair to ask me to give them up.

Was I wrong to expect him to support my decision to forgive them? -- DESPERATE IN TEXAS

DEAR DESPERATE: Your boyfriend's inability to forgive your mother is rooted in his caring for you. When you marry someone, in a sense you also marry that person's family. You family is so dysfunctional that it may have scared this young man off. His fears might be allayed if you're willing to cut your ties to your mother, but it's no guarantee.

That your mother stayed married to the abuser who molested you speaks volumes. That you opted to "forgive" them both was a personal choice you made -- but that doesn't change the fact that your mother's husband is a child molester. What makes you think he wouldn't be a danger to your children in the future? Think about it.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)