DEAR ABBY: I am an attractive and intelligent woman from India. I have high moral standards. I live with my parents in America and have a good job. Last year some relatives told me that for the past two years my parents have secretly been planning my wedding to a man named "Rashid." I have never met Rashid because he lives in India, nor have my parents said one word to me about this marriage plan.

I have learned that Rashid is divorced with four small children. I have also learned that he thinks he's God's gift to women. He has a high school diploma and runs a small business that my family owns. He is a womanizer who lives with his "secretary," but tells everyone she is "only a friend." (She's expecting his twins.) He has told everyone at the business that he's going to America to marry the owner's daughter. His secretary has told everyone that I was "too old" for him, and that she's the one he really wants.

My parents are unaware of all these facts and think Rashid would be a good husband. I have no interest in planning a future with a man of loose morals. I want my parents to stop planning this marriage. I want to date other men, but my parents have discouraged me from doing so. What should I do? -- WANTING MY FREEDOM IN THE USA

DEAR WANTING MY FREEDOM: I don't know what is holding you back. You should be sharing these important facts with your parents instead of me. They may think Rashid is a prize, but he sounds more like a booby prize to me.

Four children from a previous marriage and two on the way are a lot to take on, let alone to swallow. Although there have been many successful arranged marriages, this one seems doomed from the outset.

If your parents still insist on this marriage, you may have to emancipate yourself from them.

DEAR ABBY: I am so sad. I am only 13 and thinking about killing myself. People have told me that it's just my hormones and that is why I'm so moody all the time.

Both my parents suffer from depression. They say it is hereditary. So, Abby, do you think it is my hormones or depression? Please answer as soon as possible. -- CONFUSED

DEAR CONFUSED: Many teenagers have mood swings. But with a family history like yours, they shouldn't be ignored or minimized. The person who should answer your question is your family physician. It is true that depression can run in families, and if your depression has lasted more than two weeks, you should get a medical evaluation. Please don't wait to ask your parents to schedule one.

DEAR ABBY: Are you aware of any organizations, projects, etc. that could make use of men's neckties that were made between 1946 and 2001? I've saved more than 50 of my late husband's ties and can't bring myself to throw them away. -- CAN'T THROW AWAY TIES

DEAR CAN'T: Why should you divest yourself of this treasure trove? How about mounting them in a decorative collage or two? If that doesn't appeal to you, consider using them to create a one-of-a-kind quilt. I'm sure the fabrics are not only gorgeous but collector's items as well. Readers, any more ideas?

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to a letter you printed from a high school junior struggling with her mother over exploring colleges. She wanted to apply to many different schools, but due to financial constraints, her mother insisted she limit herself to state-funded schools.

If that girl has the grades, she has many options open to her. Sometimes Ivy League schools give scholarships and grants that can match or better anything offered by a state school. She should also be aware that she can take out student loans that she can repay in installments after she graduates. -- PROUD PARENT OF A SCHOLARSHIP STUDENT

DEAR PROUD: Bless you for wanting to help. I'm often touched by the number of people who read something in my column and reach out. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mom with an income under $40,000. My twin daughters and son were all college-bound at the same time. Their school advisers told us to apply to prestigious private schools because they give the most financial aid to students. All three of my children did, and they all received their best offers from Ivy League and religious colleges.

Please tell her to go for it! -- CHRIS IN YAKIMA, WASH.

DEAR CHRIS: You have already done that. I hope your letter will inspire mother and daughter and other college-bound students trying to reach for the stars. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As a private college counselor for 25 years, I always tell students that application season is one of discovery –- a time to decide what you want to get out of a college education, where you will best fit, and where you might qualify for merit scholarships.

First, apply and get accepted to the colleges of your choice. The time spent filling out applications is worth it. Students who can't afford the filing fee can request a waiver.

The girl whose letter appeared in your column can get an excellent college education if she takes the time to apply. I wish her the best of luck. -- RONNIE IN HOLMDEL, N.J.

DEAR RONNIE: So do I!

DEAR ABBY: I grew up with no father. Mom was a food server with three kids to support. Even so, I was in the top 10 percent of my class. I had dreams. I wanted to attend college and escape a life of poverty.

Against all advice, I applied to five different colleges. I received full scholarships from two Ivy League schools. Room, board and tuition were covered. In four years, I was an Ivy League graduate.

I recommend the college issue of U.S. News & World Report. It not only ranks schools but also lists those that are most generous to the deserving.

The only way to ensure you won't succeed is not even to try. -- EDUCATED IN ATLANTA

DEAR EDUCATED: Your last sentence says it all. Other good places to research scholarships include: � HYPERLINK "http://www.fastweb.com" ��www.fastweb.com�, � HYPERLINK "http://www.finaid.org" ��www.finaid.org�, www.collegenet.com and www.fastaid.com.

I am also told that a booklet published by the American Legion, "Need a Lift?" is another terrific resource. It contains 162 pages listing scholarships, loans, grants and financial aid. (It can be purchased for $3.95 and ordered by calling toll-free: (888) 453-4466.)

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to thank all those generous people who work nights, weekends and holidays.

Without the help of the auto club operator who answered my call one Christmas morning (and the mechanic who showed up), I would have missed the joy of seeing my grandchild opening gifts.

We no longer argue about what everyone wants for Christmas breakfast because of the servers, chefs and busboys who give me the best present of all -– more relaxed time with my family because everyone can eat what they want.

And let's not forget the emergency medical workers who are always there for childhood emergencies, all too often in the middle of the night or on holidays. Thanks, too, to the pharmacists who fill prescriptions when the establishments around them are closed.

I am grateful to everyone who gives up precious time with their own families and friends in order to make life easier for the rest of us.

Abby, thanks for printing this. I want all these generous people to know how appreciated they are, especially at holiday time. Bless you one and all. -- GRATEFUL

DEAR GRATEFUL: Thank you for an uplifting letter. Counting our blessings is a wonderful way to start a new year, and you have mentioned only a few of our unsung heroes. Add to that our police, our firefighters, our brave young men and women in the military, and caregivers everywhere. They, too, are unsung heroes.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Phil," and I lost a child two years ago on Christmas Eve. Before that Phil was always affectionate. Now he hardly shows his emotions at all, and doesn't tell me he loves me as often as he used to.

I love my husband with all my heart and want things the way they used to be. I think he is still hurting, but he refuses to get help.

What should I do? Please help me. -- LOVING HIM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR LOVING: It's clear that your husband is still grieving and has not been able to move on as quickly as you have. Since he refuses to go to grief counseling, go without him.

It may help you to understand that grief is an individual process, and perhaps it will better enable you to help him through it.

Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss.

DEAR ABBY: I really need some help. When I was 15, my half-brother raped me. I am now almost 40. I want nothing to do with him, and I don't want him around my kids.

Abby, my half-brother keeps trying to call me. How can I make him leave me alone without anyone knowing what happened? – EMBARRASSED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Please stop protecting him with your silence. Contact a rape crisis hotline. It is long overdue and you can still benefit from post-traumatic stress counseling. You have no reason to be embarrassed or to keep this a secret. A rape victim is never at fault.

You can also install caller ID on your telephone and block his calls to stop the harassment. If that fails, talk to your lawyer about a restraining order.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)