DEAR ABBY: I've been dating this really great guy, "Josh," for about two months. I really like him, but I don't like his mother. Josh and I are both 20 and live with our parents.

Josh's mother is super-controlling. Whenever we go out, she has to know where we are going and what time he will be home. And she calls MY cell phone during the date to check up on him. She's always calling me to try to find out where he is.

I really like Josh, but I'm tired of dating his mother, too. How should I handle this without hurting anyone? -- TIRED OF DOUBLE-DATING

DEAR TIRED: Turn off your cell phone, or leave it at home when you go out with Josh. His mother is having trouble accepting the fact that her son is no longer a child –- but that shouldn't be your problem. Josh is overdue for a talk with his mother about boundaries.

If her behavior bothers Josh as well, perhaps it's time that he became financially independent and moved into his own place. As long as he lives under his parents' roof, he is still their "child" and will be treated accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with "Neal" for three years. Neal works from home for only a few hours a day. He pays all the bills, so I don't have a problem with his choice of work. What bothers me is I have no time to myself because he's always there.

Neal demands so much attention from me that I can't even read a recipe without him interrupting. I am not a wimp, but Neal has the more dominant personality and controls what we do with our time. At least it feels that way to me. But according to Neal, I don't give him ENOUGH time.

Since I moved in, I have not achieved any personal goals or even given as much love and attention to others as I used to. I rarely pursue interests of my own and almost never spend time doing things I want to do. I feel like I'm losing my individuality.

I love Neal, and I'm not even sure he is the problem. I think I need to be more assertive about where my life is going.

Is there a book or support group for someone like me? Am I just depressed? Obviously I don't have the drive to pursue my own interests. I will appreciate any advice you can give. -- LOST IN HIS WORLD

DEAR LOST: You ask if you are depressed because you don't have enough drive to pursue your own interests. I think it may be the other way around -- you don't pursue your own interests because you're depressed.

You say you "don't mind" Neal being home all the time because he pays the bills. Why is it that you aren't working? It would give you a degree of independence and self-determination that seems to be lacking. Assertiveness classes could help you, and books on co-dependency could also give you some insight.

Since you are not married to Neal, you might also consider moving out until you can establish where he ends and you begin before he smothers you completely.

DEAR ABBY: How do you tell your daughter and son-in-law not to call or come over? I have been ripped off by them more times than I can count. I have been cussed out and yelled at on the phone. They make my life a living hell.

My daughter calls other people to see if they got a dollar more than she did for a gift. When her name shows up on the caller ID, I won't answer because I know what is ahead of me. I can't take much more of this. Please tell me what to do. -- A NERVOUS WRECK

DEAR NERVOUS: There comes a time when a person has done enough, and you appear to have reached that point. Do not shell out one penny more, and if your daughter shows up at your door -– don't answer.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: When my husband or I pick up our 7-year-old daughter at school -- seven blocks from our home -- we often see two 5-year-old girls who attend the same school. They walk the whole way home by themselves and pass our block every day. There are major intersections they must cross to get home. My daughter tells me that sometimes they don't look before stepping into the street. At one intersection, the light changes before you can reach the other sidewalk, and even I have to run before the traffic starts moving.

I am afraid for these children. Other parents have mentioned seeing them navigating the streets alone. To me that means there could be a predator watching, too.

On the days that my husband or I walk, we wouldn't mind inviting these little ones to walk with us. I want to give their guardians a note saying so, but the girls were probably told not to talk to strangers. I don't want a predator to see me talking to the children and realize there is no one protecting them.

Please tell me what I should do. -- AFRAID FOR THE CHILDREN

DEAR AFRAID: You have every reason to be concerned. It frightens me to hear about two 5-year-olds walking home without supervision. Talk to the school principal about this so he or she can contact the parents. If that doesn't solve the problem, report it to the police. It is child endangerment.

DEAR ABBY: Last February, my husband suffered an anoxic brain injury -- lack of oxygen to the brain. Needless to say, he is no longer the man he was.

Our friends have all disappeared. They tell me it's hard for them to see him like this. How do they think I feel?

Am I wrong to feel hurt? I don't understand why they can't even call. Talking has always been an outlet for me, but no one ever calls me anymore. No one knows how someone else feels until they've been there, but what happened to, "I'll be there for you," or "Call if you need me"? I wouldn't ask them for anything but conversation.

Is it normal for people to avoid friends when they are in trouble or pain? -- FRIENDLESS IN GEORGIA

DEAR FRIENDLESS: It's human, it's common -- but it's cowardly. You have my sympathy, but it's time you stopped waiting for calls that never come and do something on your own behalf. Rather than dwelling on how these supposed "friends" have let you down, your time would be better spent with a caregiver support group. You'll find you have much in common. Locate one by calling the National Family Caregivers Association, toll-free, at (800) 896-3650, or visiting the Web site at www.nfcacares.org. There is also an organization called Faith in Action that offers respite care to caregivers like yourself. The toll-free number is (877) 324-8411. Adult day care for your husband could give you some much-needed time to rest and rejuvenate. Please consider it.

DEAR ABBY: Once you have been married and then divorced, must you always check "divorced" when filling out forms? Or is there a time when you can go back to "single"? -- STEPHANIE IN GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR STEPHANIE: I'm not sure what kinds of forms you're referring to. Frankly, I find the question presumptuous, and I don't see why either has to be marked -- unless it's for something like an insurance form or a background check.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 years old and in the eighth grade. I just moved from one set of grandparents to my other grandma's house and had to change schools.

At my old school, I had friends. At this new school, I don't have anybody to hang out with. Every once in a while, someone talks to me. But every day I eat lunch alone.

Grandma works, so I have to go to school an hour early and stay an hour later than the other kids. I'm trying to stick it out for this school year, but next year I want to go back to my old school where I have friends and transportation.

I'm afraid my grandma will be heartbroken if I leave her. I love her and don't want to hurt her. If she wanted me to, I could still visit her every weekend like I used to. I don't know how to handle this. Please help me. -- LONELY IN TEXAS

DEAR LONELY: You have my sympathy. The timing for your move could not have been worse. By eighth grade, cliques and friendships have been well-established, and trying to break in is difficult.

I hope you will be patient and give things in your new community a little more time. In the fall, everyone in your class will be starting high school. Very often the people who were close in grammar/middle school start forming new alliances at that time, and you will be able to find friends and fit in. You will be able to join clubs or go out for sports, if that interests you.

At the end of your freshman year, if your situation has not improved, you should speak to your grandmother about returning to your old community. But if you do go back, don't be surprised if things are not the way you remembered them. As circumstances change and time passes, people also change.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, daughter and I recently moved from the West Coast to a small town on the East Coast. My husband loves his new job and my daughter is adjusting well, but I am miserable.

I have been commuting back and forth. When I am on the West Coast, I feel I'm myself and all's right with the world. When I return home, I deflate.

Nothing I try makes the move bearable. If I'd truly known what living here would be like, I would never have moved.

Living on the West Coast would be better for me, but I have my husband and daughter to consider. How do I evaluate the trade-off between their well-being and my misery? -- MISERABLE ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR MISERABLE: I wish you had been more specific about when the move took place. Let me answer you this way: To what extent have you been trying to fit into the new community? Have you joined a church or synagogue? Are you volunteering in the community? Helping at your daughter's school? Have you made a sincere effort to make new friends?

If the answer to each of these questions is yes, then it's possible you are unable to make the transition and you and your husband should consider relocating back to the West Coast.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been on the outs lately because she has a friend, "Dottie," whom I don't like. Dottie told my wife that she hates that we got married. She even tried to introduce her to other guys. Dottie has broken up a few marriages, and now she is trying to break up mine.

My wife lies to me about where she is when I call her cell phone and she's at Dottie's.

Should I tell her it's Dottie or me? I need some advice. -- DOESN'T TRUST DOTTIE

DEAR D.T.D.: If your wife is lying to you about her whereabouts, your marriage is in big trouble. It would be interesting to know what the basis is for her alliance with this troublemaker. You both could benefit from marriage counseling to clear the air and renew your commitment to each other. Until your wife is able to perceive what Dottie is doing for what it is, your marriage will continue to go downhill.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)