DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend has posted his profile on a dating Web site in the hope of finding some new friends. I am frequently out of town on business, and he has decided that he would like to converse with "artsy" people during the week while I am away. He claims this Web site is the only way to meet like-minded people.

While I don't mind his wanting to meet people, I feel that using a dating Web site is inappropriate. I read his profile; in it he indicates that he is "single." (He promises he will tell the woman he meets that he is not single "when and if the topic comes up.")

I think it's wrong to meet people based on a lie. He swears he would never cheat on me. How can I convince him that this is a form of cheating and that it's disrespectful to me? -- FRUSTRATED IN NEW YORK

DEAR FRUSTRATED: If you can't see that your boyfriend is "fishing," then you are angling for trouble. Since he has shown that he is willing to misrepresent himself to the women he meets on the Web site, what makes you think he would hesitate to lie to you? If I were you, I'd find another boyfriend. This one is setting you up for a whale of a heartbreak.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, my stepdaughter got married and asked my daughter to be in her wedding. The wedding was in North Carolina and we live in Pennsylvania. Since my daughter couldn't travel there to be fitted for her gown, it was shipped to us. We asked if we could go to a national chain store and get the same gown here to make sure the size was right. The bride refused.

When the gown arrived, it was the wrong size. We had to pay for the extensive alterations, as well as the gown.

Now my other stepdaughter is getting married, and she wants my daughter in her wedding. If the gown she selects doesn't fit, would it be wrong to ask that the alterations be paid for by the bride? She knows the trouble we had with the last gown, but insists on picking out the gown at a store in her area. Help! -- RE-FIT TO BE TIED

DEAR RE-FIT: You're all family. As long as the dress is identical, it shouldn't matter where the garment is purchased. However, if she insists on ordering a gown from a store in her area, she should be prepared to pay for the alterations.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I won seats at two dinner parties that were auctioned off by our church. Last night we attended the first one, and I brought a small housewarming gift because our hosts had recently moved into a new home.

The second dinner party is coming up soon, and we are wondering if we should bring a small hostess gift even though we paid for the dinner. The church received all the money from the auction. Our hosts are donating the food, labor, and the use of their home.

Our instincts say we should bring a gift because it seems like the polite thing to do, but my husband and I are not sure. -- YOUNG AND UNSURE ABOUT ETIQUETTE

DEAR UNSURE: You may be young, but your instincts are correct. To bring a small hostess gift with you would be a lovely, thoughtful gesture. Bon appetit!

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DEAR ABBY: My husband's friend, "Kevin," has been coming to our house once a week for the past eight years. He is always broke and looking for a handout, even though he has a full-time job.

In the beginning, I tried to help him by inviting him to stay for dinner once in a while. Now he has started to complain: The steak isn't cooked the way he likes it, or I don't toss the salad the way his mom does. (By the way, Kevin is 35 and still lives at home.) The reason he always needs money is that he spends every paycheck on drugs.

I recently gave birth to my first child and I don't want him to be around someone like Kevin, but my husband refuses to stop his friend from coming to our house. How can I -- politely -- get this moocher out of my home without causing trouble between my husband and myself? -- NEW MOM

DEAR NEW MOM: That's easy. Stop feeding that moocher steak, go vegetarian, and toss the salads YOUR way. I predict he'll be out of your hair as soon as the gravy train stops rolling.

P.S. You don't mention what kind of drugs this man is addicted to, but he should not be around your baby while he is under the influence. If your husband continues to object, explain to him that it could be considered child endangerment.

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old daughter was molested by her half-brother for almost a year before she found the courage to tell us.

When we found out, we did everything we could to help her overcome this. We even moved out of state to give her a fresh start.

The trouble is, her half-brother has contacted my husband again. He wants to visit us. I do not want him in this house -- and my daughter feels the same way. Some family members say I am denying my husband a relationship with his son. I'm not trying to keep them apart; I'm trying to protect my daughter. I have reached the point that I will leave and take my kids with me before I'll expose them to this again. Am I wrong? -- STRONGLY AGAINST VISIT

DEAR STRONGLY: No, you are not wrong. You are a concerned and protective mother, and your first obligation is to protect your daughter from her predator. Tell the "family members" that your husband can visit his son, but not vice versa. And make no apologies.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are anticipating the arrival of our first child in two months. We have registered at a local store for the items we will need.

A close friend has graciously offered to give me a baby shower, but she refuses to add where we are registered to the invitation. She says it's poor etiquette.

Isn't the whole point of a baby shower to receive gifts? Is pointing people in the right direction so wrong?

The invitations go out in less than a week. Help, ASAP! -- BAFFLED IN ORANGE, CA.

DEAR BAFFLED: Sorry, but I agree with your friend. While it is understood that showers are all about getting gifts, a more refined way to get the message across is for the hostess to verbally communicate where the guest of honor is registered at the time the invitees RSVP.

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DEAR ABBY: I need help dealing with my ex-girlfriend, "Ashley." We were together off and on for 2 1/2 years and lived together for a year. It was a new experience for both of us.

About a year into our relationship, Ashley decided she wasn't sure that what we had was what she wanted anymore. I was OK with it. We split up for four or five months, and then we started talking and decided to try again. About three months later, she did the same thing.

It has now been another three months, and supposedly she has a new boyfriend, but she's calling me. I love her and would do anything for her, but I just don't know what to do anymore. My romance with Ashley has caused a lot of arguments between me and my parents. Any advice would help. -- HURTING IN PASADENA

DEAR HURTING: Ashley appears to be too immature and indecisive for a serious commitment to anyone -- her current boyfriend included. If it's love you're looking for, she isn't the girl who can provide it. The best advice I can offer is to admire her from a safe distance. She's a heartbreaker.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband, "Ron," for 12 years. We have always gotten along well except for one thing. He smokes pot -- a lot of it. He says he will never stop. I am against pot smoking, but I've tolerated it for his sake.

My daughter, "Erica," just turned 15 and has become involved with a bad crowd. I recently found out she has been smoking pot with Ron. Ron says he'd rather Erica do it at home instead of on the streets.

Now, if Ron and I have even the smallest disagreement, Erica will automatically take his side. The two of them have their own bond and inside jokes; I feel like an outsider. I would take Erica and leave my husband, but I'm not financially able.

How can I make Ron realize it is unacceptable -- that he should be a role model instead of a friend? I really feel like I am going crazy. Any ideas? -- UNCOOL MOM

DEAR UNCOOL MOM: Rather than behave like a responsible parent, your husband has become your daughter's enabler. I urge you to draw the line. Tell him that you want the house to be "clean" by tomorrow. If it's not, let him know you'll be calling the police to report him for supplying drugs to a minor. Then do it. Let him explain his off-the-wall philosophy to them. And for your daughter's sake, recognize that it's time you started job-hunting. You may need to support the two of you in the near future.

DEAR ABBY: I attended a wine testing a few weeks ago where a guest accidentally broke a wine glass. The hostess didn't seem concerned that he might be injured, but she did get upset that the glass was broken.

Before he left, the guest offered to pay for the broken wine glass and the hostess accepted, saying that he owed her $16. He produced a $20 bill, which she pocketed without offering change -- and later bragged to me that she had made money on the deal. I thought her behavior was inappropriate.

She recently confided that she's going to buy a crate of 99-cent glasses and charge $5 apiece if any of them are broken. What do you think of this? -- APPALLED IN BEVERLY HILLS

DEAR APPALLED: The hostess appears to be ethically challenged. If she'd cheat her guests on the wine glass, how can one be sure she's pouring the vintage she claims to be? Frankly, I think she's popped her cork, and if I were you, I'd skip her soirees.

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