DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I have been a couple for almost two years and have been living together for two months. We rented a house so it would be "our" home, and neither of us would feel that we had moved in on the other.

At first, we split all the chores. She likes to cook, I like to clean; she did the laundry, I did the yardwork. Now she doesn't do anything at all! I find myself doing all the laundry, cooking, etc., which to tell you the truth, I don't really mind. What I DO mind is her constant complaints about the way I do things.

She implies that I am incompetent, yet she won't lift a finger. In the morning before work, if I am busy doing chores and paying bills, she complains that I'm not spending enough time with her. But when I stop, she only wants to watch TV. When I try to talk to her about it, she yells and storms off.

Is it possible to fall out of love with someone over things like this? Or am I just disillusioned? When I look at her, I don't feel that twinge of excitement anymore. -- EXHAUSTED AND FRUSTRATED

DEAR EXHAUSTED: Yes, it is indeed possible to fall out of love with someone who is lazy, hypercritical and impossible to please. Consider yourself fortunate to have seen this side of your girlfriend before it was too late. Frankly, you deserve better -- so don't look back.

DEAR ABBY: Before I married my husband, I had, shall we say, a "colorful past." None of those encounters gave me much satisfaction. I was up front about it with my husband before we married. He asked how many and I told him.

Last night, I made an off-the-cuff remark that he took the wrong way. He told me later that it reminded him of my past. He felt I was bragging about it and throwing it in his face. He told me that after he learned how experienced I was, he had almost broken up with me.

Abby, I have explained to him repeatedly that the only relationship that has ever given me any pleasure has been with him. I have told him over and over how much I love him and need him. But this hurts. How do I help him get over my past? -- HURTING IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR HURTING: Men who ask the question are often insecure. An emotionally mature man would have respected your privacy and not pushed. The next time he brings up your past, suggest to him that it is healthier and more fruitful to live in the present. Assure him that you love him only and offer to go to counseling together until he has talked it out. The rest is up to him.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law gave my daughter a beautiful antique desk a few months ago. I was there at the time, and both of us thanked her for the generous gift.

My mother says I was rude for not sending a thank-you card for the gift.

What is the proper etiquette when someone receives a gift and thanks the giver in person? Is an additional written thank-you card called for? -- CONCERNING MANNERS

DEAR CONCERNING: In addition to thanking the giver in person, a handwritten note is the proper way to show gratitude for a gift. It doesn't have to be long and flowery -- only heartfelt. However, the person who receives the gift should write the note -- and that's your daughter, not you.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Mel" for 15 years. When Mel's mother became ill with tongue cancer and could no longer speak, we moved her in with us so I could care for her. (I am physically disabled from a job injury and no longer work outside the home.) Mel's mother survived only one more year, but Mel says I did a great job while she was here.

I am now caring for my own mother, who suffers from paranoid schizophrenia. The problem is, Mel constantly makes snide, hateful, sarcastic remarks about her condition. Then he laughs like it's funny.

I have tried to explain that these statements are destroying my love for him. When I tell him, he stops for a day or two and then starts in again. I don't know how much more I can take. I feel like walking out and never looking back. I want a divorce so bad I could scream.

Why is he doing this? It's not a laughing matter. Please help. -- READY TO LEAVE IN FORT WORTH

DEAR READY TO LEAVE: Why is he doing it? It could be ignorance about mental illness. It could also be selfishness, anger, frustration at having to share your attention -- or maybe he's just childish and mean. Whatever the reason, before you give up the ghost, please consider a caregiver support group and marriage counseling. If he refuses to go with you, you will still gain insight if you go without him.

I consider you to be an unsung hero for what you are doing. You can locate a caregiver support group by contacting the National Family Caregivers Association at (800) 896-3650 or www.nfcacares.org. Do it today.

DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old daughter is in the sixth grade. She is well-liked and has a lot of friends.

We can't afford gifts for all the birthday parties to which she is invited. I let her go to some, but we can barely pay our bills some months.

When I try to explain why she can't go, she gets upset. I've asked her not to say anything about our money troubles, but she says she can't lie to her friends about why she's not allowed to go to all the parties.

Abby, have you any suggestions on how I can handle this situation when it comes up again? -- INVITED BUT CAN'T ALWAYS GO

DEAR INVITED: Please rethink your stance on this. Having money troubles is not a sign of bad character or a social disease, so please stop trying to sweep it under the rug. Gifts do not have to be expensive to be thoughtful. If your finances are tight, and you can't come up with a gift -- even from a discount store -- explain the fact to the mother of the birthday child. Perhaps your daughter could create a gift for her friend.

DEAR ABBY: A former co-worker recently married for the third time. She remarried her first husband. The wedding was small and many of us received only announcements.

Are we obliged to send gifts? Some of us didn't know how to respond to "just an announcement." -- WONDERING

DEAR WONDERING: There is no obligation to send a gift. However, a congratulatory card or a small token gift to show your support would be a lovely gesture.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: For a grandmother fighting leukemia, a child battling sickle cell anemia, or a parent awaiting a liver transplant, a safe and available blood supply is more than a wish -- it's a necessity. Our goal is to ensure that blood is available to patients when they need it.

We encourage our nation's citizens to donate blood. Our call to action comes at a time when blood supplies are perilously low.

Blood has a shelf life of only 42 days. The supply must be constantly replenished. Donors can safely give blood up to six times a year. To avert shortages, please ask your readers to donate.

Blood donation is safe and takes only one hour. To be eligible to donate, you must be at least 17 years of age (some states permit younger teens to donate with parental consent), weigh at least 110 pounds and be in good health. The single unit of blood you donate could help to save the lives of up to three people.

To learn more about donating blood and to locate a nearby blood collection facility, contact one of the following organizations today: American Association of Blood Banks: (866) 376-6968 or www.aabb.org; American Red Cross: (800) 448-3543 or www.redcross.org; America's Blood Centers: (888) 872-5663 or www.americasblood.org.

-- KAREN SHOOS LIPTON, CEO, AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF BLOOD BANKS

DEAR KAREN: I'm pleased to pass along your important message. No one can predict when a life-threatening emergency might strike -- and a national blood supply is something many of us take for granted. This is something that can affect all of us, so, my friends, let's roll up our sleeves and make sure that our hospitals and emergency centers are well stocked.

DEAR ABBY: While I was still married, I began dating "Alvin," a man I met through work. I then divorced my husband -- the marriage wasn't good anyway -- and moved in with Alvin. It meant giving up most of my friends and also my lifestyle.

Alvin gets mad if I wear something he thinks is "too tight" or "too revealing," He goes wherever he wants whenever he wants, but he gets upset if I even visit my parents. He is nasty to one of my children, and I feel like I'm constantly defending my child.

To make a long story short, our lease is up in a few weeks, and Alvin's been hinting that he and I will be moving separately.

I have a chance to rent a wonderful apartment, and I am starting to think I should take it no matter what happens with Alvin, but I'm scared to death to be on my own.

Should I cut my losses and move on with my children? I hate to say this, but I think I still love Alvin and the security he provides.

I have no clue what to do, but I do know I am afraid. -- NEVER BEEN ON MY OWN

DEAR NEVER: The security he provides? It sounds more like "maximum security" to me. You are living with a man who is controlling, abusive to your child and hinting that he's through with you. You may be afraid, but it's time to move out and move on. It's better for everyone's sake. You'll find emotional support if you look for it. Join Parents Without Partners (800-637-7974 or www.parentswithoutpartners.org) or join the YWCA. Emotional support is available if you make up your mind to reach out for it.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)