DEAR ABBY: I am so mad! My husband doesn't understand my feelings and told me to write and ask for your opinion.

We threw a swimming party for our son's fifth birthday. We invited a few of his closest friends from kindergarten, along with their parents, and his grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.

I went inside to change my clothes and ran smack into a burglar. He tied me up with cords from the window blinds; then he used one of my husband's ties to gag me and left me squirming on the floor. I was bound so tightly I couldn't work my way out of the room.

I figured someone would come looking for me. I am an extrovert, and I was sure my absence would not go unnoticed. I wriggled around for what seemed like an eternity before anyone came looking for me. In reality, it was 45 minutes of misery before my husband walked in, trailed by our children.

My family and our guests had not noticed I was missing for all of that time! Abby, I was crushed. They have tried to explain it away, but I am mortified. I can't seem to get over this. My family thinks I am making too much of it, but I find myself breaking down in tears all the time. What do you think I should do to get over this and get my life back on track? -- ALL TIED UP IN PALM SPRINGS

DEAR TIED UP: You have my sympathy, and there is a name for what you are experiencing: It is post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). It often occurs in people who have survived a disaster, such as an earthquake, flood, car accident or being a victim of a crime. The feelings of anger you are aiming at your family and friends should appropriately be aimed at the burglar who invaded your home, hog-tied you and violated your sense of security.

Before any more time elapses, I urge you to ask your doctor to refer you to a psychotherapist who specializes in PTSD. Please don't wait to make the call, because it's the quickest way to resolve your anger and feel better.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Danny," is obsessed with his cousin's little daughter, to the point where he thinks she is his (and acts like she's his, too). If Danny doesn't see her often enough, he says he's in "withdrawal." She doesn't live near us, so it's expensive getting her here. Danny is out of work at the present time, and doesn't consider the fact that I'm the one earning the money.

I have an older child from another relationship, and I would love for Danny and me to have one of our own. However, he says we can't afford another child. It hurts me that he wants his cousin's child, but not mine.

Danny accuses me of being jealous. Am I overreacting? -- RESENTFUL IN ILLINOIS

DEAR RESENTFUL: Money may be tight now, but you and Danny could benefit from marriage counseling. Your questions are valid, but the person providing the answers should be your husband -- in the presence of a referee. His attachment to his niece does seem excessive. (Could the child really BE his daughter?)

DEAR ABBY: My live-in boyfriend of 12 years won't let me visit my never-married girlfriends on the East Coast. He says they're man-haters, which has some validity. But these are long-time friends who share intellectual interests he and I do not. How can I manage his feelings and have my freedom, too? -- MANAGING HIS FEELINGS

DEAR MANAGING: You're asking the wrong question. His feelings are his feelings. His insecurities are his insecurities. You can't fix him; only he can do that.

He is only your live-in -- not your husband and not your warden. The question you should be asking yourself is why you are allowing him to dictate who you can and cannot visit.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother is 102. She lives in a nursing home where everyone loves her. She is an inspiration to all. She is unable to walk but her memory is fine. In the three years she's been there, I've visited her every day except two.

Mother has more than a dozen great-grandchildren, all adults now. There wasn't a single happy event in their lives that she didn't commemorate with a gift or card. How sad, Abby, that since she's been confined, they've shut her out. They don't visit or send greeting cards for special occasions -- not even Christmas.

When I visit her, it hurts to see the tears in her eyes as she asks about each one. They are all living well, and distance is not a problem. They just don't take the time.

Please, print this in your column. They all read it. If they heed your advice, maybe smiles will replace the tears on Mother's sad and forgotten face. -- DISAPPOINTED IN CHICAGO

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: You're complaining to the wrong person. Pick up the phone and direct your dismay at "the great-grandchildren." Remind them that your mother is of sound mind and that isolation can be a killer. One nice thing about nursing homes is the fact that many patients can be taken out of them for a meal or an outing. If the great-grandchildren are not aware of it, be sure to let them know.

DEAR ABBY: I am in the process of trying to quit smoking, and I have a pet peeve.

Sometimes when I'm home relaxing and watching television, a commercial for a product to help people stop smoking will come on. Abby, the sight of a cigarette gives me the urge to smoke!

Since the surgeon general was wise enough to ban cigarette ads on TV, why are they allowed to advertise smoking cessation products and show lighted cigarettes? The sight of that burning cigarette in the ad starts me craving.

It's torture to those who are trying to quit. Please help me encourage stop-smoking advertisers NOT to use cigarettes in their ads! Thank you. -- TRYING TO QUIT SMOKING IN MICHIGAN

DEAR TRYING TO QUIT: I'm printing your letter because you have a valid point. There have been times when 15 minutes after watching a food commercial, I have found myself in the kitchen with my nose in the refrigerator. Since marketing is such a large part of our culture, the lesson here may be that people can never let down their guard.

DEAR ABBY: My husband has run up telephone bills amounting to $15,000. His credit cards are maxed out on "900" numbers. That's not all -- our two children can't go online without something sexual appearing on the screen or someone sending an instant message, thinking they are talking to my husband about sex.

When I leave the house, he immediately puts our daughters in their rooms and goes online to porn sites or to talk to women. He is taking much-needed money from me and our children to get his kicks. I have begged him to stop, but the problem is getting worse. Should I stick to my word and leave him if he doesn't quit? -- WORRIED WIFE IN KENTUCKY

DEAR WORRIED WIFE: Yes. Because your husband's problem affects the children, it is time to draw the line.

He isn't behaving that way for "kicks." He appears to be severely addicted to sex.

If he's receptive to getting help, he should contact the Augustine Fellowship. It's an international organization of more than 1,000 groups -- a 12-step program based on the principles of AA. It serves people who want to break their patterns of sex and love addiction, or obsessive/compulsive behavior. The Web site is www.slaafws.org; the phone number is 781-255-8825.

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DEAR READERS: Yesterday, I printed some of the responses I have received from people offering encouragement to the 13-year-old girl who dreams of becoming president of the United States. My office has been flooded with terrific messages of support for her, and I am printing more of them today. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl writing in response to "I Have a Dream." I was enraged when I read her letter. Tell her to NEVER let the fact that she is female get in her way and to hold her head high. She is an avant-garde thinker ready for the future, surrounded by a bunch of backward, out-of-date idiots.

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Be strong, stubborn and positive that you'll get there, and you WILL accomplish your dream. You go, girl! -- ENRAGED TEEN FEMINIST, ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR ENRAGED: And I have no doubt that you will also achieve YOUR dreams. Thanks for a great letter.

DEAR ABBY: I was taken aback by the fact that "I Have a Dream's" teacher laughed at her when she said she wants to be president of the United States. His inappropriate response was merely a demonstration of his own lack of ability. To say a 13-year-old woman cannot aspire to be president is as absurd as telling Arnold Schwarzenegger, a poor immigrant weightlifter, that he cannot become governor of California. -- JIM DONOVAN, AUTHOR OF 'HANDBOOK TO A HAPPIER LIFE'

DEAR JIM: Well said!

DEAR ABBY: I am 60 years old. When I was her age, a woman had four choices: office worker, wife, nurse, teacher. That was it. My sister was told she couldn't go into computers because that was "a man's job." My daughter is extremely good with computers and uses them at her job in finance, another field that was closed to women in the past.

A woman certainly will be president. A woman has already run a major country. To name a few: Golda Meir, Israel; Indira Gandhi, India; and Margaret Thatcher, England. "I Have a Dream" should run for president of her class and the student council. She should seek office in her town, her state and her country. If she's not elected, she should analyze her defeat and run again. She will succeed. -- CAROLYN AUGUSTINE, LAKEWOOD, WASH.

DEAR CAROLYN: She'd get my vote.

DEAR ABBY: I am an over-40 member of the U.S. military. That young girl should hold her head high and use either national security adviser Condoleezza Rice or Sen. Hillary Clinton as examples of women who could easily be their party's candidates for president in four years. In America, anyone can dream of being president. -- LT. COL. JEFFREY A. THOMPSON, MIDWEST CITY, OKLA.

DEAR LT. COL. THOMPSON: Yes, and the realization of that dream could be close at hand.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter expressed the desire to be president in second grade; no one laughed. She was her high school class valedictorian and is graduating from a difficult engineering college "magna cum laude." She had a full military scholarship, so she'll be commissioned as an officer to serve for the next five years. I have faith that she could become a great president one day. I will never discourage her. The teacher who laughed at "I Have a Dream" should be fired, and the tormenting students should be punished. -- PROUD MOM IN BEDFORD, N.H.

DEAR PROUD MOM: I'm sure that part of your daughter's success is because she was lucky enough to have parents who encouraged and supported her. My congratulations to your daughter, and to you.

Readers, stay tuned. I'll print more on this subject next week.

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