DEAR ABBY: I recently became engaged to a man I thought was the salt of the earth. Then I moved in with him. Well, he's not the man I thought he was. I now know that almost everything he has told me is a lie.

He's 12 years older than he said. He never went to college like he claimed. He told me he was sterile, but I discovered he has four children. He pays child support for two of them who are very young, so he'll be obligated for a long time. His parents are both living -- not dead like he told me -- and he's not an only child; he has two brothers who live across the country.

My mind is spinning. We're supposed to be married in three months. I'm seriously thinking about breaking the engagement and moving out, but I still love him. Should I stick it out and hope for the best, or listen to my gut? --SECOND THOUGHTS IN INDIANA

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Listen to your gut. Leave now and cut your losses. Your fiance either has a lot to hide or he's a compulsive liar. Solid relationships are built on a foundation of trust, and your fiance has proven to you many times over that you can't believe a word he says.

DEAR ABBY: My dream is to go to college and major in either English literature or child psychology. However, I'm wondering if I should, because no one in my family has gone to college and I'm the third youngest. I don't want to look too ambitious or put a damper on my older sisters' and brothers' lives. I'm afraid they might say to themselves, "I am worthless. I didn't go to college."

Should I aim for college or not? I'm only in ninth grade and would appreciate some good advice. -- DEPRESSED ABOUT THE FUTURE, WENATCHEE, WASH.

DEAR DEPRESSED: Since your dream is to complete your education, then you should go for it. Do not let the fear of what your siblings "might" think stop you. They have chosen the paths they have taken. I'm sure your family will be proud that you were the first to get a college degree. And who knows? If you complete your education, it may inspire some of them to do the same.

DEAR ABBY: My sister is in eighth grade. We ride the same bus. She has been coming home very upset because she's getting picked on while on the school bus. There are many kids doing it, and it happens every day. She has done nothing to cause this.

My parents say I should stick up for her because I'm her older brother. I went and sat with her -- and they are vicious to her. When I defended her, they started harassing me.

One kid wanted to fight me, but I am bigger than all of them, and I don't want to get kicked off the bus. Also, I can't do this for her every day. If we tell the bus driver, it will only get worse. Please help, Abby! -- BIG BROTHER, STANWOOD, WASH.

DEAR BIG BROTHER: Do not stay silent and protect the guilty. By ignoring what's going on, the bus driver is as guilty as your sister's tormentors. Report it to the principal of the school. If it isn't stopped, your parents should report the harassment to the school board -- and if that doesn't do the trick, a lawyer should be brought in. Many school districts have rules about school bullying, and the behavior you have described is exactly that.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a problem with a boy at school. Somehow he got my home phone number and started calling me. I don't mean he called once or twice; he called once or twice EVERY HOUR for weeks. It got so bad I'd make excuses to get off the phone or have my parents tell him I was out. That didn't stop him. He'd call back every hour or so until midnight or 1 a.m. -- when my folks would take the phone off the hook.

Finally, we paid money to get call blocking and blocked his house number. Then he bought a cell phone and started doing the same thing. We blocked that number, so now he goes over to friends' houses and calls.

I'd have no problem telling him to stop, but he has a very big mouth and every time someone disagrees with him, he calls them a racist. I feel helpless for fear he'll spread rumors about me. -- TRAPPED IN LOUISVILLE

DEAR TRAPPED: Speak up and tell him to stop calling already! If he persists, your parents should first notify his parents, and if that doesn't work, then notify the phone company and the police. What he is doing is called stalking. Your parents should be prepared to get a court order if necessary, because the boy appears to have an unhealthy fixation.

Please do not worry about his accusing you of being a racist. People who know you will know it's not true.

DEAR ABBY: I have two sisters-in-law. I'm the one who was chosen to write to you. Our mother-in-law, "Lydia," has always treated us like we are women who just happen to live with her sons. She drops over whenever she feels like it, "borrows" whatever suits her pleasure, even if the items belong to us, and refers to the grandchildren as her sons' children.

I have tried explaining to her that we both work, and it takes two incomes to accumulate what we have, and her comments are hurtful. However, knowing she has hit a nerve whenever she drops by uninvited, she makes a point of commenting to me that I'm driving her son's car, using his vacuum cleaner, or on how I'm raising his kids. It's infuriating.

Our husbands make excuses that she's old and doesn't know any better, or say, "That's just Mom." I know you're going to say they have no backbone. So how should we wives handle it? Do we just leave when she shows up? After 20 years of enduring this, we've decided we've earned the right to be just as rude as she is. -- HAD IT IN MISSOURI

DEAR HAD IT: The first thing the three of you should do is find a marriage counselor who gives group discounts, and visit the therapist together with your husbands. Ideally, the ones to get Lydia to shape up are her sons. If that proves to be too much for "the boys" to handle, then it's up to you to create some boundaries. Do not be rude -- be firm. When she "drops by," greet her with a smile and say, "This isn't a good time to visit. Your son isn't here and I'm busy." Then shut the door and go about your business.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from "Sick of the Bad Rep," who is depressed at the thought of having three daughters-in-law when her three sons marry. Well, I have eight daughters-in-law, and I, too, was scared. Yes, mothers-in-law do get a bad rep -- and often it is well-deserved.

When my eldest son married, I knew it was time to cut the cord. So, I cut the strings off a thoroughly worn apron -- a visible sign of my intentions -- and washed, starched, ironed and placed them in a gift box, and gave it to my new daughter-in-law. She was thrilled and let me know it.

I now have seven more daughters-in-law, and they are all precious to me. One after another, they have told me how much they appreciated the manner in which they were welcomed into the family, and my ability to let go.

I agree with you, Abby, that "Bad Rep's" attitude is self-fulfilling. If she has done a good job rearing her sons, she has nothing to fear. Love is not divided; it is multiplied. Her sons' wives will bless her, and she'll have three precious daughters. -- ONE WHO KNOWS

DEAR ONE WHO KNOWS: I have received a bushel of letters echoing your sentiments -- but yours was by far the most original way of demonstrating to your daughters-in-law there would be no competition. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: It isn't just straight couples who have that dilemma. I'm a 48-year-old gay man. Twenty-five years ago I was in my first cohabiting relationship, with "Boyd." His mother made Joan Crawford look like June Allyson. Boyd had been married and divorced years before we met. His father was very pleasant. Boyd and I shared a room when we visited their home. The first time we stayed there, I noticed there were pictures of his wedding everywhere. When his sisters came to meet me, one of them asked why the wedding pictures were out. The four of us had a good laugh.

I am a fastidious housekeeper. The first time Boyd's parents visited us, I cleaned the house from top to bottom. One morning I got up to start breakfast and found his mom cleaning the sliding glass patio doors. I bit my tongue. As I handed her a cup of coffee, she said the sun looked so pretty coming through the doors, but the streaks on the glass had ruined the view. I wanted to slap her, but I hung onto my cool.

When people complain about their mothers-in-law I often share my stories. My point is, a woman can be a bad mother-in-law, be it to her son's wife -- or husband. -- OVER THE RAINBOW, HARRISBURG, PA.

DEAR OVER RAINBOW: I'm sorry your mother-in-law turned out to be the Wicked Witch of the West instead of Glinda. I have a mountain of letters from readers who respect, admire and love their mothers-in-law. They enjoy relationships straight out of the Book of Ruth, which, by the way, contains one of the most beautiful love poems ever written -- spoken by Ruth to her mother-in-law, Naomi:

"Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God.

"Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried; the Lord do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me." (Ruth 1:16-17)

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)