DEAR ABBY: I am 24 and have been in many bad relationships. Every guy I have dated has been an addict, and some of them have been in jail. All of them were abusive.

Finally, I have met a decent man and I care for him a lot. The problem? I have a criminal record and haven't told him because I didn't want to scare him off.

If I tell him now, he will know I lied, and he has made it clear that he hates liars. So far, I have been able to avoid telling him about my past, but I won't be able to much longer, and I'll have to fill in the blanks.

What am I going to do? Should I tell the truth and face the consequences, which will probably mean losing him, or continue skirting the issue with lies? -- TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES IN TEXAS

DEAR TRUTH OR CONSEQUENCES: Honesty is the best policy. Tell him now. The longer you wait, the more deceived he will feel. Explain that you kept silent because you were afraid you would lose him. It's the truth. He may not be thrilled with the news, but he will have to give you marks for wanting to set the record straight. I wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is a self-employed contractor. We recently had to convert our home office into a bedroom for my son, so our "office" is now in our bedroom until we can add on to the house. My husband has a new client who thinks nothing of calling at 10 p.m. or later, and last night he sent a fax at 11:45! The ringing woke me and it took two hours to get back to sleep.

I want my husband to ask his clients not to call after 9 p.m. He thinks I'm being unreasonable, and he's embarrassed to admit that our office is in our bedroom. I don't think any explanations are necessary. What do you think? This issue is creating hard feelings. -- SLEEPLESS IN THE MOUNTAINS

DEAR SLEEPLESS: I have another idea. Most phones and faxes have switches that control the ringer volume. Turn them off when you go to bed, and you should be able to slumber like a baby. If yours do not have volume control, consider investing in ones that do.

DEAR ABBY: This letter is for "Invited but Can't Always Go," who is reluctant to allow her daughter to attend all the birthday parties to which she is invited because she can't afford to buy the gifts.

I suggest that the girl create a scrapbook of the event. She can take photos and collect memorabilia such as napkins, ribbons and wrapping paper for the scrapbook. She might use pieces of the wrapping paper as borders or corners for the pages, or "frames" for the photos she'll mount inside. She could also have each guest write a special note or birthday wish for the party child and include them.

In her card to the birthday child, she should include a note that says her gift will arrive in a week or so. I have done this for shower gifts, and they always become treasured keepsakes. -- ON THE CHEAP IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ON THE CHEAP: Treasured? I'm sure they are priceless! Thank you for a terrific idea.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My situation is a mess right now. I am not a virgin. I lost it to "Chuck," a guy I really love. One of my friends is very religious, and she always brags about being a virgin and puts me down.

Now I hear that Chuck has been sleeping with other girls. I was raised to believe that whomever you lose your virginity to, you stay with. I am embarrassed now, but I'm too insecure to leave him. I'm confused because Chuck says the girls are lying.

Also, I may be pregnant. What should I do? -- MADE A MISTAKE IN CHICAGO

DEAR MADE A MISTAKE: Having sex carries with it certain responsibilities, and one of them is knowing how to prevent sexually transmitted diseases or an unwanted pregnancy. You haven't said how old you are, but whatever your age, it's clear you have gotten in over your head.

Ideally, you should tell your mother what you have told me. If you don't feel close enough to her to do that, then confide in another trusted relative, or adult family friend or teacher. Do not put it off. You should be seen by a doctor to ascertain if you are, indeed, pregnant. If you are, you have some important decisions to make. If you aren't, you need to decide how you're going to prevent pregnancy in the future. In your case, I strongly advise abstinence.

True friends do not put each other down. They build each other up and support one another in time of need. This does not appear to be a description of your religious "friend." I wonder how she found out that you were no longer a virgin. Did you confide in her? Or did Chuck broadcast the news?

And while I'm on the subject of Chuck: Feeling embarrassed about losing your virginity is a poor reason to stay with him. Ask yourself: Is he good to you? Is he honest with you? Is he responsible? Do you have common interests? Does he want an exclusive relationship? It is important to be able to trust the person you're with, and if more than one girl claims to be involved with him, you should investigate further and be prepared to move on if he hasn't been truthful.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a middle-aged woman who is finishing college. I have never had much of a personal life because my mother embarrasses me in front of the gentlemen I date.

I now have the opportunity to move to another town where my mentally challenged son is in a group home. For the first time in our lives we can be together as our own little family unit.

Mother is now talking about moving herself and my sister to the same town. I don't have a life because of her, and now I never will. What should I do? -- SMOTHERED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SMOTHERED: You're an adult. It's time to "un-mother" yourself. Make the move, form your family unit, make friends and a life of your own. If your mother is determined to make the move, you can't prevent it. But no law says you have to introduce her to the men you date or include her in your social life if she embarrasses you in front of others. That's her attempt to control you -- and you can remedy that by "flying the coop" emotionally as well as physically. If you feel unable to loosen the family tie, then I recommend counseling.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently became engaged to a man I thought was the salt of the earth. Then I moved in with him. Well, he's not the man I thought he was. I now know that almost everything he has told me is a lie.

He's 12 years older than he said. He never went to college like he claimed. He told me he was sterile, but I discovered he has four children. He pays child support for two of them who are very young, so he'll be obligated for a long time. His parents are both living -- not dead like he told me -- and he's not an only child; he has two brothers who live across the country.

My mind is spinning. We're supposed to be married in three months. I'm seriously thinking about breaking the engagement and moving out, but I still love him. Should I stick it out and hope for the best, or listen to my gut? --SECOND THOUGHTS IN INDIANA

DEAR SECOND THOUGHTS: Listen to your gut. Leave now and cut your losses. Your fiance either has a lot to hide or he's a compulsive liar. Solid relationships are built on a foundation of trust, and your fiance has proven to you many times over that you can't believe a word he says.

DEAR ABBY: My dream is to go to college and major in either English literature or child psychology. However, I'm wondering if I should, because no one in my family has gone to college and I'm the third youngest. I don't want to look too ambitious or put a damper on my older sisters' and brothers' lives. I'm afraid they might say to themselves, "I am worthless. I didn't go to college."

Should I aim for college or not? I'm only in ninth grade and would appreciate some good advice. -- DEPRESSED ABOUT THE FUTURE, WENATCHEE, WASH.

DEAR DEPRESSED: Since your dream is to complete your education, then you should go for it. Do not let the fear of what your siblings "might" think stop you. They have chosen the paths they have taken. I'm sure your family will be proud that you were the first to get a college degree. And who knows? If you complete your education, it may inspire some of them to do the same.

DEAR ABBY: My sister is in eighth grade. We ride the same bus. She has been coming home very upset because she's getting picked on while on the school bus. There are many kids doing it, and it happens every day. She has done nothing to cause this.

My parents say I should stick up for her because I'm her older brother. I went and sat with her -- and they are vicious to her. When I defended her, they started harassing me.

One kid wanted to fight me, but I am bigger than all of them, and I don't want to get kicked off the bus. Also, I can't do this for her every day. If we tell the bus driver, it will only get worse. Please help, Abby! -- BIG BROTHER, STANWOOD, WASH.

DEAR BIG BROTHER: Do not stay silent and protect the guilty. By ignoring what's going on, the bus driver is as guilty as your sister's tormentors. Report it to the principal of the school. If it isn't stopped, your parents should report the harassment to the school board -- and if that doesn't do the trick, a lawyer should be brought in. Many school districts have rules about school bullying, and the behavior you have described is exactly that.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)