DEAR ABBY: What is proper etiquette for buying a step-grandchild gifts for Christmas, Easter, birthdays, etc.? My daughter recently remarried, and I don't even know her stepdaughter. Am I expected to buy her gifts just like my own grandchildren? -- STEP-GRANNY IN TENNESSEE

DEAR STEP-GRANNY: To skimp on gifts for the new addition to your family would be a false economy. Welcome her, get to know her, and treat her like family because that is what she is now. If you discriminate on special occasions, the child will be hurt, her father will feel resentful, and you will put your daughter into an awkward situation. I strongly advise against it.

DEAR ABBY: Although I'm a junior in high school, I'm not old enough to handle all the problems in my family. I think a counselor might help me feel better, but Mother won't hear of it. When I find the courage to try to talk to her, she just says, "Later, honey, I'm busy now!" She doesn't really hear what I'm saying. She's always on the computer and looks like she's hypnotized or something. I would call my dad, but we don't have the money for long-distance calls.

I used to be able to talk to my uncle, but he's in jail now, and I'm not even allowed to mention his name. My friends dismiss my problems when I try to talk to them, so I stopped telling them. My aunt and my grandma hate each other, so I can't talk to them. My aunt has even threatened to kill Grandma.

Last week, I went to the home of a new friend, but it made me very sad. They aren't like my family at all. They were eating together and laughing. I started to cry because I know my family will never be like that.

I had a dream that I reached out my hand, but no one was there. Please help me. -- LOST AND ALONE IN VIRGINIA

DEAR LOST AND ALONE: Before I answer your question, let me point out that you are an intelligent and sensitive girl. You may think you are alone in having this problem, but I have received letters from many other girls in exactly your situation -- with mothers who are preoccupied or absent entirely.

It's time to put on your thinking cap. Is there any adult in your life whom you can confide in -- a teacher, a neighbor, a school counselor, the mother of one of your friends? Are there activities you can join (school clubs, Girl Scouts, etc.) that will put you in contact with nurturing female role models? Perhaps one of them could e-mail your mother to shut down her computer and live up to the responsibility she assumed when she gave birth to you.

Whatever you do, DON'T GIVE UP. Although your mother, aunt and grandmother may not be the picture-perfect family you wish for, that doesn't mean you will never have one. The lessons you are learning today can one day make you a much more effective parent than the one you have, and you can create the family you yearn for.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 21 and having a really hard time right now. My dad left my mom and me about two weeks ago, and I had a miscarriage around the same time.

I told my boyfriend I wanted a break, and now I have feelings for another guy I met about a week ago. He makes me laugh, which I haven't done in weeks. I don't know if I want to get back together with my boyfriend. I do love him -- I just don't know if I want to be with him. Can you please help me? -- FEELING LOST

DEAR FEELING LOST: Sometimes when a person doesn't know what to do, it's time to do nothing. You have been through a lot lately -- in a sense, you have experienced three "losses." You do not need a love interest to make demands on you right now. Your mother will need emotional support until she recovers from the breakup of her marriage. You may also need support because of the miscarriage and your father leaving. Your best bet right now is to maintain friendships with everyone and make commitments to no one. You will recover your balance, but for the time being, take a respite from heavy emotions and drama.

DEAR ABBY: I am 27 and two months' pregnant with my first child. Unfortunately, I have reason to believe my husband, "Anthony," 41, is having an affair. Several times in the past month, I have walked into a room and found him whispering on the phone. Each time he has hung up quickly, and when I asked about it, he said it was "work-related."

When I found a pair of red thong underwear in the laundry that didn't belong to me, he claimed they belonged to his 70-year-old mother who had visited recently.

Anthony also forgot our anniversary.

I am concerned about my baby, and I don't want to be a single mother. Every time I mention my worries about our marriage, Anthony gets angry and threatens to leave. I love him, but is our marriage worth saving? -- FRUSTRATED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Only you can answer that question. Offer your husband the option of marriage counseling in the hope that he'll be more forthcoming in the presence of a referee. If he refuses to go, then go without him, if only to learn why you would even consider tolerating more of his behavior.

DEAR ABBY: I am a girl in sixth grade. My parents are divorced. At school, I'm bully target No. 1 and my grades are dropping.

I don't know how to talk to my parents, and I have been begging them to let me leave school. Can you help me? -- DESPERATE IN DALLAS

DEAR DESPERATE: I'll try. Clip this letter, show it to your parents and tell them you wrote it:

DEAR PARENTS: Your daughter is in trouble at school. That is why she begs you not to make her go -- and that should have been your first clue. You are overdue for a serious chat with your child. After that, schedule an appointment with her school principal. Most schools have policies for dealing with bullies, but they can't be implemented if the incidents go unreported. If that doesn't put an end to the problem, go to the school board -- and possibly a lawyer. The situation will not improve unless you are prepared to act on your child's behalf, so don't put it off.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: I'm still receiving fascinating letters in support of the 13-year-old girl who was ridiculed by her teacher and classmates for revealing that she'd one day like to be president of the United States. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I read the letter from "I Have a Dream" and would like to offer her encouragement:

DEAR "I HAVE A DREAM": I was touched by your letter to Dear Abby, and I want you to know that you can become the president of the United States because of who you are, not in spite of it. I have no doubt a woman will be president one day, and America would be lucky to have you leading us every step of the way.

When young people like you express such a desire to make a difference in people's lives, you should be applauded. Your teacher and your classmates were wrong to laugh at your dream.

What you already know, but they seem to have forgotten, is that we live in a country where every child, girl or boy, has an equal chance to grow up and become president, or a teacher, or a doctor, or a CEO, or the shopkeeper down the street. That is what makes our country unlike any place on Earth. Anything is possible.

But to do the things we believe in, we all have to work hard, do our best, and fight those who do not always believe in us. It is not easy to ignore their criticism, and it is tough to look beyond their doubts. But remember, doubters never made America a better place. It is people like you -- people who dream big and are filled with hope -- who make a difference in this world.

Always remember that the great thing about America is that you can become president, and you should never let anyone tell you different. -- SEN. JOHN KERRY, WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR SEN. KERRY: To say that you are a busy man these days is an understatement. That you would still reach out to help a child says volumes about you as a person.

DEAR ABBY: As the first woman elected Illinois state treasurer, the first woman re-elected to a statewide office in Illinois and the first woman to lead a major party in Illinois, I was appalled by the negative response the 13-year-old girl ("I Have a Dream") received from her teacher, her guidance counselors and fellow students when she shared her dream of becoming president of the United States. As a woman who has fought hard to succeed in politics and government, I truly believe that service to your nation is a most rewarding career.

It is true a woman in politics does have disparities to overcome. For years, women fought for the right to vote, and today we continue to fight for equality in many careers.

Women in government can bring creativity, vision and commitment to the table. We come with a different mind-set than our male counterparts, which makes for better debate and legislation. Both parties need more recruitment of qualified females. Schools need to encourage young women to become interested in public service through career days and mentor programs.

I know that the first woman president is alive. Somewhere out there, a young girl is sitting in her classroom interested in becoming our nation's first female commander in chief, and I wouldn't be surprised if it's her. Best of luck to you, Mrs. President! -- JUDY BAAR TOPINKA, ILLINOIS STATE TREASURER

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)