DEAR ABBY: I have been going out with my boyfriend, "Donny," for some time. We love each other and would do anything for each other. I am 17 and a senior in high school. Donny is turning 19 and is a college freshman back East.

Donny's father is encouraging him to see other girls while he's in college. I am jealous and scared that Donny might cheat on me, because most of the relationships around me have failed because the man cheated on the woman. I am worried that this will happen to me -- especially because during Donny's phone call last night, he mentioned that a girl had flirted with him yesterday.

Deep down, I feel it would be easier to split up for the time being. I am torn, because I love Donny and can't stand being without him, but I also don't want to end up getting hurt. What should I do? Should I trust Donny or split up with him? -- TORN IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TORN: I have a better idea. The next time you and Donny talk, tell him what you have told me. Then offer him the option of both of you dating others and hear what he has to say. Long-distance romances can be difficult, but my mail tells me that some of them work out. So hold a good thought, let Donny be part of the decision-making, and don't let the green-eyed monster wreck your relationship.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 10 years. We have two beautiful daughters under the age of 7 whom we adore. We put them first, before anything. My husband and I come from divorced parents, and we don't want to put our kids through it.

Lately, we have been fighting and our sex life has stopped. I don't find myself even remotely attracted to him, and I wonder what I ever saw in him. I am on the verge of an affair or divorce. What shall I do? -- DISTANCING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR DISTANCING: Neither of the above. Every marriage has its ups and downs. For your children's sake, as well as your own, you owe it to yourselves to make the effort to figure out what has caused the two of you to drift apart. One effective way to do this is a program called National Marriage Encounter, which has helped many couples to fall in love all over again. Contact them by calling (800) 828-3351, or visiting the Web site at www.marriage-encounter.org.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl. My parents are divorced. Mom has remarried. My father went with the same woman for two years, then realized he didn't want to spend the rest of his life with her and broke it off.

Dad doesn't tell jokes like he used to, and rarely smiles anymore. I think he's depressed. Is there anything I can do? Or does he have to do it himself? -- UNHAPPY CAMPER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNHAPPY CAMPER: You are sweet to want to help your father, but he must go through this process on his own. Regardless of the reason for the breakup, he still devoted two years to that relationship -- and the fact that it didn't work out could be considered a loss. In time, he'll meet someone who will lift his spirits again.

P.S. He already has something to smile about. He has a wonderful daughter.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Sally" has a 14-year-old son I'll call Derek. He recently made sexual advances toward me. What frightened me was Derek's refusal to accept that I meant no when I refused and informed him that what he had in mind was immoral and illegal.

I threw the kid out of my house, called Sally, and asked her to keep her son away from me and my home. She refused to take me seriously.

The next day, I sent Sally a special delivery letter, repeating in writing how I felt about what Derek had done.

Abby, I understand that Derek is at an age when his hormones are raging, but his behavior was repulsive and offensive. I am afraid of him because he's bigger than I am -- and because he's been seen around my house late at night, according to one of my neighbors.

I live alone. Is there something I should do to protect myself? Or should I just wait to see what happens? -- FRIGHTENED BY A 14-YEAR-OLD PREDATOR

DEAR FRIGHTENED: If what your neighbor said is true, Sally's son has more problems than raging hormones. He also may be a Peeping Tom. Since peeping and prowling can escalate, the police should be notified. It appears that the boy needs help, and his mother is in denial. Do not procrastinate. You must protect yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Roy," and I have been dating almost a year. We are both 21 but have known each other since we were 8. Lately, his mother has been making hurtful comments like, "Wow, you're not dressed like a slut today," or "How come you're always here when I come to see my son?"

I don't want to be disrespectful, but her comments are insulting. I don't dress like an extra in a music video. Having been brought up in a Christian home, and still living in one, I know the difference between cute clothes and trashy attire.

These comments from Ray's mother started when he and I began dating. I don't know if it's my clothes she hates, or if it's the fact that Roy and I are considering taking the next step.

It also bothers me that Roy doesn't say anything when his mother rips me to shreds. My mother told me to keep my distance from Roy's mom and make sure he knows how I feel about his silence.

Roy is a "mama's boy," so I don't expect him to say anything to his mother. I don't even expect him to understand how I feel. I just want to know the proper way to handle things the next time his mom criticizes me. -- THE GIRLFRIEND

DEAR GIRLFRIEND: Roy's mother sees you as a threat. Her comments are intended to drive you away. Unless Roy speaks up, her behavior will escalate. If you continue to tolerate her behavior, Roy's mother will make your life hell. And if you marry him, she will rule the roost.

Explain to Roy how hurtful his mother's comments are. Tell him that you will no longer tolerate them, and the next time she insults you, you will say, "Roy how do YOU feel about the way your mother is talking to me? Do you agree with her?" Make it clear that if he fails to stand up for you and tell his mother that he expects you to be treated with respect, the relationship is over.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Your "Penny From Heaven" letter about the coin found by the employee of a car reconditioning business (the penny was given to his boss) missed one important fact. That penny belongs to the owner of the car and should not have been taken without the owner's permission. It is called stealing. Shame on you, Abby. -- HONEST TO A FAULT IN PHOENIX

DEAR HONEST: Your letter was one of hundreds I've received from sticklers for honesty who also scolded me for not chastising her. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: That penny could well have been "from heaven" for the client who owned that vehicle. It could easily have fallen from the client's pocket or purse and have been presumed lost. That writer should have offered the penny back to the customer. And you, Abby, instead of taking pleasure at the taking of another's property, should have pointed that out. -- C.R. IN WALLER, TEXAS

DEAR C.R.: Thanks for putting your helpful criticism so kindly. One reader from Studio City, Calif., asked me if I had a geranium in my cranium for overlooking the point.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Melanie," and her fiance, "Tom, expect their first child next month. Tom's mother, "Shirley," currently has no home of her own and is living with relatives. Shirley plans to attend Melanie's baby shower three weeks before the baby is due, and remain indefinitely with them in their apartment. The apartment is big enough for Tom, Melanie and the baby, but certainly no more.

Tom can't bring himself to say "No" to Shirley, and Melanie is distraught over this. She doesn't like having people around her 24/7, and she's physically sick to her stomach about it. Shirley was not invited. She simply informed my daughter when she would arrive and where she would be sleeping.

Should I get involved, or should I let the children work this out themselves? Please advise. -- ANXIOUS MOTHER IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR ANXIOUS: I advise you to stay out of the fray. Offer your daughter emotional support, but do not fight this battle for her. As much as you might like to help, it is time for your daughter to strengthen her backbone and learn to assert herself. It would be nice if her fiance had matured enough to tell his mother to back off at some point, but it appears he hasn't.

DEAR ABBY: My son-in-law, "Donald," ransacks our desk and bureau drawers and looks at everything when he comes to visit. He doesn't take anything, but he goes through anything that arouses his interest.

Donald has a pleasant disposition, but his pawing through our things makes my other daughter furious. Neither of us knows what to do about it because we don't want to alienate my younger daughter.

Anything you suggest will be appreciated. Last week, he opened a small drawer where I keep my checkbook and monthly payment records. It's driving us batty. Help! -- GOING BATTY

DEAR GOING BATTY: Relocate your financial and personal papers to a locked filing cabinet. Put a lock on your bedroom door and use it when Donald is in the house. Actions speak louder than words.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)