DEAR ABBY: I'm 15 and had always attended the same school until last year, when my parents moved to another state.

After we got here, I met this cool guy, "Ted." We had a relationship until last December, when he and his family moved to another neighborhood and he had to change schools.

I never had a chance to tell Ted that I love him until three months ago. We met at a ballgame and I confessed. He said he loved me, too. I asked if we could be a couple again. He told me he couldn't deal with that right now because he has to concentrate on school before he deals with having a girlfriend. After he said it, I realized my grades should be my highest priority, too.

Two weeks ago, he called and asked me when we could have sex. I told him in six years, when I'm 21 and out of school. I think I'll be ready by then for that kind of a relationship.

Should he have asked me that question? And should I have agreed so quickly? -- CONFUSED IN GEORGIA

DEAR CONFUSED: Considering that Ted isn't ready for a serious relationship, I'd say his question was extremely presumptuous. And you didn't "agree quickly." You handled the question intelligently, letting him know that as much as you care for him, you're not a pushover and your own priorities must come first. Although you said you'd consider it at 21, I have a hunch he was more interested in what he could expect on Saturday night.

DEAR ABBY: "John" and I started dating two years ago, when he was a college freshman and I was a junior in high school. He was my knight in shining armor.

A year into our relationship, we lost our virginity to each other. I have no excuse other than I was in love and believed that someday we would be married.

Six months ago, John suddenly broke up with me. He said he needed his "space." After three months, he changed his mind and wanted to get back together. He swore he wanted only me and nobody else. I believed him and forgave him.

Last week, I learned that while John and I were apart, he'd had sex with another girl -- an especially wild one who's had numerous lovers. I broke up with him immediately, but now I have a problem. I am experiencing some symptoms that could be an STD.

In my small town, everyone knows everyone. If I go to a local doctor, it'll be all over town before dark. It would shame my parents. I'm leaving soon to attend college several hundred miles from here. Would it be harmful to wait until I get there to see a doctor about what I'm afraid I have? -- BURNED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR BURNED: If there is a Planned Parenthood office within driving distance of your community, contact it now. It is listed in the telephone book, and the people there will be glad to help you.

If there isn't one, call the Centers for Disease Control's national STD/AIDS hotline: (800) 227-8922. They may be able to refer you to a public clinic for a confidential evaluation. It's important that you not put this off because some STDs can lead to infertility and other problems if treatment is postponed.

DEAR ABBY: I am 51 and still single. Recently I learned that I have a heart condition, and the doctors predict I have only five to 10 more years to live. I am in a turmoil trying to decide if it's fair to continue dating. My friends give me conflicting advice. What do you think is fair? -- TO DATE OR NOT TO DATE IN OREGON

DEAR TO DATE: If you haven't already done so, get a second medical opinion about the prognosis. If it is valid, then I think you should live to the fullest the time the good Lord allows you. If you get serious with someone, be honest about your condition and make that decision together.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from the 23-year-old mother of three whose husband is verbally abusive to her and the children, I had to write. She said she's ambivalent about divorcing him; she "just wants him to change." She signed her letter "Crazy in Tennessee."

You urged her to leave. I absolutely agree. That letter could have been written about my own family.

I have been married 14 years. My husband was verbally abusive for many of those years. He said horrible things to me (including wishing I was dead, etc.) in front of our three children. He also instigated arguments with the children -- ages 6, 9 and 11 -- seemingly just to make them cry. I finally filed for divorce, which will be final in a few months.

Our 9-year-old has become nervous and sick to her stomach recently. She gets particularly upset when her father and I are in the same room. I asked what the problem is. She said: "It scares me when you and Daddy are together. He has been mad at you for so long, and yelled so much. I'm afraid that now that you're getting the divorce, when you start fighting he might have a gun or something." Imagine how heartbreaking it was to hear that!

Please tell "Crazy in Tennessee" her best bet is to get out while the children are still too young to have sustained much damage from the verbal abuse they've been exposed to. I only wish I had done it sooner. -- ALMOST TOO LATE IN OHIO

DEAR ALMOST TOO LATE: I'm pleased you had the courage to take that important step. Now, I hope you will waste no time in taking another one. Your children will stand a better chance of healing if you'll get them into therapy right away, although I am sad to say there are no guarantees. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My dad was just like her husband. For more than 20 years, literally hours on end, day in and day out, I'd hear, "You're ugly! No girl in her right mind would ever want you!" As a result, I am painfully shy around females. Counseling has helped some, but there's always that little voice in the back of your mind that you hear over and over for as long as you live.

When I looked for work, Dad told me I was stupid and would never be hired or amount to anything. Because of it, I gave up looking for a job. I'm working now, but only because my mother encouraged me.

I hope for her children's sake that "Crazy in Tennessee" will find someone who will treat them all better. If she doesn't, I have no doubt that her children will wind up like me. -- BEEN THERE IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR BEEN THERE: Thank you for writing. Don't sell yourself short. That you are functioning at all is a tribute to your inner strength. I'll repeat part of what I said in my original answer: Cruel words erode self-esteem like the ocean eats away the shore. I hope "Crazy in Tennessee" takes to heart your hard-earned wisdom, because even children who aren't picked on by the abuser can emerge from that lifestyle with "survivor guilt" for not being able to intervene.

I'll quote from a letter that arrived from another survivor, a woman in Wisconsin: "Abby, the one who will receive the most damage from that relationship is the daughter. She will grow up craving the one and only thing her father will never give her -- his approval. And she'll continue to try to get it from other men who are as cruel and withholding as he is, because she thinks their behavior is normal."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Chris," is 14. She'll be graduating from eighth grade in a couple of weeks. Over the last few months, I have been driving her and a group of boys and girls to the movies on Friday nights. This has evolved into a romantic relationship with a 15-year-old boy, "Bob," who lives close by and is in her class. In her junior high school, this is described as "going out."

I know they kiss. They also dance together at a local hangout on Saturday nights. I could refuse to drive them to the movies together, but they would probably meet there anyway.

Chris has a level head on her shoulders. She's a good girl and active in our church. We talk openly together.

Abby, can you guide me in this? I trust my daughter, but I am also aware that 14- and 15-year-olds have a lot of raging hormones. Please advise. -- WISHES KIDS CAME WITH HANDBOOKS

DEAR WISHES: I agree that teenagers have raging hormones, and the most intelligent way to deal with it is to keep the teens occupied. You are already on the right track, keeping the lines of communication open, for which I applaud you.

I see no harm in your daughter being at the movies with this boy and a group of friends on weekends in light of the fact that you are providing the transportation and they are in a group. But much of her free time should be occupied with constructive pursuits such as sports, volunteer work, music and activities that will give her "service credits" toward college. Develop her interests. Keep her goal-oriented. Encourage her to develop platonic friendships. You can't prevent your daughter from growing up, but you can give her guidelines and make sure her time is well spent.

DEAR ABBY: From fourth to ninth grade, I attended a small Christian school in Delaware. It was a great experience because the teachers and the students were able to really get to know one another.

One of the teachers, Mr. C., was one of the best a student could ever hope to have. Learning was fun in the subjects he taught, especially U.S. history. Can you imagine taking a class of 20 on an overnight camping trip to Gettysburg?

While talking to my mom, who was a co-teacher with Mr. C., about an upcoming business trip to Asheville, N.C., Mom mentioned that Mr. C. lives there and encouraged me to try to find him. Well, it turned out that Mr. C. was the only Mr. C. in the Asheville phone book.

We spent a wonderful afternoon reminiscing about his days as a teacher and mine as a student. Although I don't remember much about the subjects he taught, I will never forget the time he spent with us -- laughing while we played football on the playground, crying when a classmate passed away. He was always there for us.

One of his favorite lines was: "Don't hurt him! He is the only one we have like him!" Now that I work with children, I find myself using his favorite phrase.

Abby, please encourage your readers to take the time to look back and thank those teachers who made a difference in their lives. They helped to make us who we are today, and it would be rewarding for them to see the fruits of their labors. -- GRATEFUL IN NORTHERN OHIO

DEAR GRATEFUL: I have said it before and I'm pleased to say it again: Everyone wants to know that he or she has made a difference. Teachers don't earn much in the way of salaries; letters and calls of appreciation from former students can be extremely gratifying to former teachers who have helped to shape our lives. So if you've been putting it off, why not do it now?

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)