DEAR ABBY: I'm engaged to a man who is a really good friend of mine. We have great times together watching movies or just hanging out.

The problem is I want to be intimate more than he does. He's a once-a-month kind of guy. I'm a once-a-day kind of girl. We have had many arguments about this because it seems like he doesn't want me. He says that's not true, that he is just tired, or stressed, etc. -- the list is never-ending. We get along in every way except this one.

Am I being a baby, or is this not the relationship for me? -- NEEDS MORE IN MOLINE, ILL.

DEAR NEEDS MORE: Much as you may wish otherwise, he is not the man for you. You have a larger appetite than he can cater to. Marrying him will only compound your problem. Keep him as a friend if you can, but don't marry him.

DEAR ABBY: "Frank" and I have been married for three years, but we have known each other since 1994. When we first met, we both drank and partied a lot, but neither of us has had a drink in about seven years.

Three years ago, Frank started gambling. We used to do it for entertainment, but now he takes off for hours and won't answer his phone when he's at the casino. He has won thousands of dollars and lost more.

I have threatened Frank with divorce. I have told him to get out (but he won't leave), threatened to leave him (but I never have), and I have wept, begged, and even tried to ignore it.

I stay because I love him and want to help him with his problem, but I don't want to wind up living in a tent. Please help. -- LOSING BIG IN TUCSON

DEAR LOSING BIG: Your concerns are legitimate. It's no coincidence that your husband got hooked on gambling after he stopped drinking. It appears he traded one addiction for another.

A group that might help you is Gam-Anon Family Groups, a 12-step fellowship for husbands, wives, relatives and friends of compulsive gamblers -- people whose lives have been affected by their loved ones' problem. The phone number is 718-352-1671 and the Web site is www.gam-anon.org.

DEAR ABBY: I have a son who is 32. He says he'll never leave my house or "me" until he's 40. He moved out twice, for no longer than two months each time. Then he came back, saying it was lonely and expensive.

I have talked to him about getting his own place, but he insists he wants to stay here. I can't seem to get him out. He's always wanting to get his laundry done -- by me. He says he can't do it himself. Help! -- CAN'T CUT THE APRON STRINGS

DEAR CAN'T: What makes you think your son will be willing to leave at the age of 40? He has room, board and maid service in your cozy nest.

Yes, living on one's own is expensive, and it can also sometimes be lonely. But learning to deal with life's tribulations is a part of growing up. You'll be doing your son a favor if you give him a deadline to move and insist he abide by it. And next time the laundry basket gets full, take him to a Laundromat and show him what to do.

P.S. He may need psychiatric counseling, so be prepared!

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I recently traveled out of town to visit my best friend, "Frank," who recently married his sweetheart, "Gail." Frank graciously invited my fiancee and me to stay at their apartment. This had been our arrangement prior to his marriage, and I accepted the offer.

Each morning, my fiancee and I got up early and took our morning showers before our hosts. As we finished our showers, Gail would run into the bathroom with an armful of cleaning supplies and scrub it from ceiling to floor.

We are not dirty people. We didn't make a mess in their bathroom. We were a little offended, but said nothing. Was this her way of telling us she didn't want us staying there? Should we stay at a hotel next time we visit? -- FORMER HOUSEGUEST, NORTH OLMSTEAD, OHIO

DEAR FORMER HOUSEGUEST: I'd say she conveyed that message pretty clearly. Considering the fact that they are newlyweds, I think you'd all be more comfortable were you to book a room at a nearby hotel or motel.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 42-year-old woman. To those around me I seem to have everything -- great kids, a beautiful home, a career and a pretty good life. But deep down I am miserably lonely.

I divorced a cheating spouse eight years ago. I haven't been in a serious relationship since.

I have concentrated on my children, my career and my financial portfolio. But now that my kids are older and I have a lot of idle time on my hands, I miss being in a relationship.

I have tried singles groups, chat lines, and I'm even attending more social events, to no avail. I take good care of myself and look good for my age. But the 20- and 30-something competition makes it hard, if not impossible, to attract the kind of man I'd like to be with.

What advice have you for someone my age who has been benched for years and is ready to play ball again? -- LONELY IN GEORGIA

DEAR LONELY: Only this: Stop selling yourself short. You have stability and life experience to offer, and a man with an eye for quality will appreciate it. Don't be discouraged; dating is a hit-and-miss game, regardless of age. You are only in the fourth inning, so get off your rusty-dusty, stay out there and keep on pitching.

DEAR ABBY: I am 15. My grandfather recently committed suicide. He asked to be cremated. Since there was no funeral or visitation, I feel like there was no closure. Is there any way I can tell my grandfather goodbye? -- NEEDS CLOSURE IN GEORGIA

DEAR NEEDS CLOSURE: Please accept my sympathy for your loss. I'll tell you a technique that has worked for many other people. Write your grandfather a letter. Put into it all the things you wanted to say to him but didn't have a chance to. Put it aside for a week, then re-read it and "send it" to your grandfather by burning it. I hope it works for you, too.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I had a problem similar to the one described by "Stressed Out by Mom," the college student whose mother calls to unload her problems. A therapist taught me a technique that worked wonders. When Mom called and complained, instead of sympathizing (which is why she called in the first place), I'd mirror her complaint back to her so she didn't receive the positive feedback she was seeking.

When she said, "Your sister doesn't know how to save money," I'd reply, "So what you're saying is my sister doesn't know how to save money." However, when she said something positive, like, "Isn't it a lovely day?" I'd be sure to give her all kinds of positive feedback. "It sure is! I'll bet your marigolds are really blooming now!"

It worked like a charm and preserved my relationship with my mother. She quickly lost interest in the topics that didn't bring positive feedback, and we'd end up talking about all kinds of interesting things.

This method is tried-and-true. It's based on behavioral psychology, and it works with spouses, kids, co-workers -- the applications are endless. -- TRIED IT IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR TRIED IT: Thank you for the suggestion. I was unprepared for the deluge of mail I received from readers who identified with "Stressed's" problem. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 57-year-old woman who has had the same problems with my now 76-year-old mother since childhood. Please tell "Stressed Out" that she must take immediate steps to set healthy boundaries. She should schedule an appointment at the student health center and talk to a psychologist about her problem.

I am the only family member still on speaking terms with Mother. Her eight siblings, the folks at the senior center and people from her former church no longer talk to her. I'm the only one she has left to lash out at -- and if I try to set boundaries now, the breach it will create will leave her with no support system at all. -- WISH I'D DONE IT IN FREDERICKSBURG, VA.

DEAR WISH: Perhaps the suggestion offered by the next writer will be of help to you.

DEAR ABBY: I have a relative who is an alcoholic. He calls to ramble, complain and generally make me miserable. I relieve my stress by playing computer games, reading a magazine or watching TV while he's talking. The trick is to otherwise engage your mind while uttering an occasional response. It works. When he hangs up, I have no idea what he said, but he is happy and I'm not stressed. He's never really wanted answers -- just somebody to unload on. -- COPING IN BLOOMINGTON, IND.

DEAR COPING: Not everyone has your level of tolerance. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I made similar calls to my daughter. They would begin as friendly calls to chat and nosedive from there. I hope that girl's mother locates a therapy group to attend. Maybe she can find some help and comfort there. My daughter eventually made it plain that if I continued to cry when we were on the phone, she would not talk to me. I know she screens her calls and often doesn't pick up.

So now I talk to the women in the group about my problems. Most of them have daughters they're close to. When I see families with mothers, daughters and grandmothers all together I am happy for them, but sometimes I'm jealous. -- SCREENED OUT IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR SCREENED OUT: I'm pleased you're getting emotional support from your therapy group. It may be healthier for all concerned. Many people have confessed that they, too, screen their calls because they haven't the courage to set boundaries. However, no one ever solved problems by dodging them.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)