DEAR ABBY: A woman I have known for 10 years has different political beliefs from mine. I haven't viewed this as a reason to end the friendship; I just don't bring up the subject of politics with her. She, on the other hand, constantly "slams" my beliefs, in person and via e-mail.

I have recently received several offensive letters from her. I didn't respond and she keeps prodding me for a reaction. Believe me, she doesn't want to hear what I have to say about her behavior. I have asked her to stop pushing her opinions on me and still she persists.

I feel that her antics are extremely disrespectful, and I'm to the point of ending communication with her altogether. What have you to say on this issue? -- HARASSED IN HOUSTON

DEAR HARASSED: Tell her that the subject of politics is "verboten" until after the election. There's a reason for that old warning, "Don't discuss sex, religion or politics." It can end friendships. She's not going to change your views, and you aren't going to change hers. Although she may be doing this to get a rise out of you, it's disrespectful and a touch malicious.

DEAR ABBY: I have several good friends. Whenever a friend starts to become "clingy," I start to withdraw and even try to avoid them.

By "clingy," I mean they phone one or more times a day. Sometimes it's people who expect me to go with them all the time, or "always" sit by them at gatherings or events. Not all my friends act this way, and I have great relationships with those few who don't.

How can I convey to the others that I like my space and feel intruded upon when they become clingy? I try to laugh it off, but it wears on my nerves, and then I feel guilty for feeling the way I do. -- FEELING BAD IN TEXAS

DEAR FEELING BAD: When people call too frequently, draw the line by telling them you are too busy to talk and will call them when it's convenient. When you feel encroached upon, explain to those who expect you to accompany them "all the time," that you have other plans.

Not all relationships need the same amount of care and feeding. The people with whom you interact need to learn to respect your boundaries. But in order for that to happen, you must level with your friends about your feelings and not beat yourself up for doing so.

DEAR ABBY: This guy asked me out. I was going to refuse, but he showed up at my door with flowers and I couldn't say no.

Now I feel guilty, but I can't possibly tell him. What should I do? -- STUCK IN NEW YORK

DEAR STUCK: A lady keeps her word. Since you accepted his invitation -- and his flowers -- you go on the date. If he asks you out again, you tell him it's not a good idea because you consider him a friend, not a romantic interest.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column I noted the comments of a reader and your response concerning the need to have a will and a living will. As an elder law attorney, I feel strongly that my clients should have two ADDITIONAL documents in place: a health care proxy and a durable power of attorney.

I have, in my practice of the last 25 years, concluded that the single most important document a client can have is a durable power of attorney. Many of the issues that were raised in your reader's letter could be addressed if someone had a power of attorney. This document, like the others, can be as broad or as narrow as the individual giving the power of attorney wishes. It is not a relinquishing of authority, but rather a granting of parallel authority, and can easily be revoked.

In a similar fashion, a health care proxy provides the opportunity for someone to interact with health care providers should the incapacitated individual be unable to make his/her own decisions. -- LAWRENCE S. GRAHAM, GREENVILLE, N.C.

DEAR LAWRENCE: Thank you for educating my readers -- and me -- about these important documents. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers that a living will is not only very important, but a person should also carry a copy while traveling. My husband and I have "prepacked" copies of our living wills in our suitcase so they are always available. Imagine being thousands of miles from home when a crisis arises and those important documents are desperately needed. -- ANNE M., ALEXANDRIA, VA.

DEAR ANNE: That's an interesting idea. It never hurts to be prepared.

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest your response to the gentleman who was trying to convince family and friends to complete a living will before they need one. As a nurse for many years, I concur wholeheartedly. No one wakes up in the morning planning to have an accident, or a heart attack, or some other life-threatening condition. Too many times, doctors and nurses are faced with a family divided on what they "think" our patient would want -- or not want. Combine this with the shock and grief these people are experiencing, and the situation becomes volatile. -- FORMER SURGICAL NURSE, VIRGINIA BEACH, VA.

DEAR FORMER NURSE: Thank you for speaking from the perspective of someone who has been in the trenches and seen it firsthand.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading your comments to "Concerned Friend." They come on the heels of my recent experience of the last two weeks. My apparently healthy husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer three weeks ago. I have spent a harrowing 10 days trying to get all the necessary documents drafted and finalized. I needed the services of an attorney to make sure all the paperwork was done correctly.

I have also discovered that our finances are a mess. This was always my husband's job, and I trusted what he said. He had been feeling tired in the last few months, but assured me that he had taken care of all the bills. Well, he hadn't. Fixing this is another nightmare yet to come.

My advice to your readers: Listen to Dear Abby.

By the way, my husband is only 56. We never thought things would be this way. -- GRIEVING IN SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR GRIEVING: When I called you to discuss your letter, I was shocked to learn that your husband had already died. Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. If your experience doesn't galvanize people to action, nothing will.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My dad went to prison in 1989 and was released last November. My sister and I were excited that Dad was coming home, but it has been a nightmare. He is manipulative, whiny and endlessly needy.

He moved in with my sister and she's going crazy. She asked me to take him, but after my husband saw the way Dad behaves, he flat out refused to have him in our home. I agree with him.

Dad keeps making excuses about why he can't live on his own. He claims he doesn't have the money, but then he goes out and buys all kinds of things for himself. He refuses to accept responsibility for his actions and insists that things are everybody else's fault.

My sister feels too guilty to kick him out, and I am at the end of my rope. Dad won't go to counseling because he thinks he doesn't need it. Is this a case for tough love? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN WASHINGTON

DEAR NEEDS: The person who could benefit from counseling is your sister. Until she can emotionally distance herself from Dad, she will continue to be manipulated by his stance as a perpetual victim and his guilt trips. Once your sister has established boundaries, setting a date for Dad to be out of her home and insisting upon it are excellent ideas.

DEAR ABBY: Please advise other divorcees and me about proper funeral etiquette. Because I initiated the divorce from my ex-husband, my former in-laws no longer speak to me. Both of them are in failing health, so I am wondering if I should attend their funerals for the sake of my children, or stay away. I am willing to endure an awkward, hostile reception to support my children if you think my attendance would be appropriate. -- WANTS TO DO THE RIGHT THING

DEAR WANTS: Funerals are for the living -- in this case that means your former husband, your surviving former in-law and your children. Since you are persona non grata, it might be best if your children attended the funeral with their father. If they need you to be there, then sit in the back and remain as inconspicuous as possible.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Pussyfooting in Nebraska," who gets too many jokes and other e-mails from her mother, I thought I'd offer up my solution.

Most of my e-mails go to my office account. However, I have set up a separate e-mail account specifically for my mother through a free service. Mother sends her e-mails to that account, and that's all that goes into it. Of course, it eventually gets filled up with jokes, etc., and whenever I get a chance (every month or so, or when she lets me know that it is full), I check it, and read and delete all of her e-mails.

I hope this is helpful for "Pussyfooting." -- FAITHFUL READER IN L.A.

DEAR FAITHFUL: That sounds like quite a project! However, for someone who doesn't want personal e-mails commingled with business correspondence, your solution may be just the ticket. Thank you for the suggestion.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)