DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Lonesome for My Daughter," whose youngest daughter, a married college freshman, has quit communicating with her parents.

I, too, married at 19. My parents didn't approve because they were afraid I'd drop out of school. When we would visit my mother, she'd talk with me and ignore my husband. This made our visits few and far between. Could the mother have done something to alienate the son-in-law?

My marriage has lasted 12 years. However, the times in my life when I quit communicating with family were when I was undergoing severe marital stress and depression, and didn't want to discuss it or pretend all was well when it wasn't. In a more drastic scenario, my niece cut out family visits for years. When we saw her at Christmas, she'd barely speak to family members. She recently divorced, and now we have learned she had been in an abusive marriage.

I do think "Lonesome" and her husband should pay a drop-in visit occasionally. Her instincts may be "heads up" for some reason. Keep the visit brief in case the daughter's college schedule is on overload. That way, they can see, talk to, and hug their daughter and new son-in-law -- and while they're at it, scope out the situation. Dropping off food is always a good excuse for a quick visit or, if there's time, invite them out for dinner.

Mom could also send her daughter a phone card to save them money. Mom should be sure no strings are attached, and her daughter and son-in-law know it can be used to call anyone they need to. I also strongly recommend the Internet. Mom and Dad should learn how to do instant messaging: Ask a quick question, want an answer, gotta go. These quick messages let parents know their offspring are alive and well, and allow parents to be involved -- at least a little -- in their children's everyday lives. -- ALICE IN VINE GROVE, KY.

DEAR ALICE: Those are all wonderful suggestions. Many readers wrote to offer input (and insight!) to that mother. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Why don't "Lonesome" and her husband get weekend tickets to a play or sporting event at the college, and go there to have dinner and see a show once a month? That way they'll get quality time with their daughter, and there will be less stress over time management for the couple. After all, she's both a student and a newlywed, and that's a lot to handle.

Also, in my experience, cell phones dramatically increase calls to parents because an hour between classes or waiting for a bus is a convenient time to call Mom or Dad for a quick chat. -- CHRISTINA IN CAMBRIDGE, MASS.

DEAR CHRISTINA: Thank you for lending the younger person's perspective.

DEAR ABBY: I have a heads up for "Lonesome." Newlyweds may not want to come home for the weekend. They're happily enjoying their time together.

Here's how my in-laws handled it 17 years ago: If they hadn't heard from us for a few weeks, they'd call and say, "Is there a day in the next couple of weekends when we can come and take you two out for brunch or dinner? Pick a place you'd enjoy." Or, they'd pick up some food from one of our favorites and we'd have a picnic at our place.

"Lonesome" and her husband should try it. It might be a lot easier for her daughter than a long drive and an overnight at her parents' home. -- PATRICIA IN LEAWOOD, KAN.

DEAR PATRICIA: I agree. This is a period of adjustment for all concerned. The parents are more in control of their schedule at this point than the daughter and son-in-law may be.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A woman I have known for 10 years has different political beliefs from mine. I haven't viewed this as a reason to end the friendship; I just don't bring up the subject of politics with her. She, on the other hand, constantly "slams" my beliefs, in person and via e-mail.

I have recently received several offensive letters from her. I didn't respond and she keeps prodding me for a reaction. Believe me, she doesn't want to hear what I have to say about her behavior. I have asked her to stop pushing her opinions on me and still she persists.

I feel that her antics are extremely disrespectful, and I'm to the point of ending communication with her altogether. What have you to say on this issue? -- HARASSED IN HOUSTON

DEAR HARASSED: Tell her that the subject of politics is "verboten" until after the election. There's a reason for that old warning, "Don't discuss sex, religion or politics." It can end friendships. She's not going to change your views, and you aren't going to change hers. Although she may be doing this to get a rise out of you, it's disrespectful and a touch malicious.

DEAR ABBY: I have several good friends. Whenever a friend starts to become "clingy," I start to withdraw and even try to avoid them.

By "clingy," I mean they phone one or more times a day. Sometimes it's people who expect me to go with them all the time, or "always" sit by them at gatherings or events. Not all my friends act this way, and I have great relationships with those few who don't.

How can I convey to the others that I like my space and feel intruded upon when they become clingy? I try to laugh it off, but it wears on my nerves, and then I feel guilty for feeling the way I do. -- FEELING BAD IN TEXAS

DEAR FEELING BAD: When people call too frequently, draw the line by telling them you are too busy to talk and will call them when it's convenient. When you feel encroached upon, explain to those who expect you to accompany them "all the time," that you have other plans.

Not all relationships need the same amount of care and feeding. The people with whom you interact need to learn to respect your boundaries. But in order for that to happen, you must level with your friends about your feelings and not beat yourself up for doing so.

DEAR ABBY: This guy asked me out. I was going to refuse, but he showed up at my door with flowers and I couldn't say no.

Now I feel guilty, but I can't possibly tell him. What should I do? -- STUCK IN NEW YORK

DEAR STUCK: A lady keeps her word. Since you accepted his invitation -- and his flowers -- you go on the date. If he asks you out again, you tell him it's not a good idea because you consider him a friend, not a romantic interest.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column I noted the comments of a reader and your response concerning the need to have a will and a living will. As an elder law attorney, I feel strongly that my clients should have two ADDITIONAL documents in place: a health care proxy and a durable power of attorney.

I have, in my practice of the last 25 years, concluded that the single most important document a client can have is a durable power of attorney. Many of the issues that were raised in your reader's letter could be addressed if someone had a power of attorney. This document, like the others, can be as broad or as narrow as the individual giving the power of attorney wishes. It is not a relinquishing of authority, but rather a granting of parallel authority, and can easily be revoked.

In a similar fashion, a health care proxy provides the opportunity for someone to interact with health care providers should the incapacitated individual be unable to make his/her own decisions. -- LAWRENCE S. GRAHAM, GREENVILLE, N.C.

DEAR LAWRENCE: Thank you for educating my readers -- and me -- about these important documents. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers that a living will is not only very important, but a person should also carry a copy while traveling. My husband and I have "prepacked" copies of our living wills in our suitcase so they are always available. Imagine being thousands of miles from home when a crisis arises and those important documents are desperately needed. -- ANNE M., ALEXANDRIA, VA.

DEAR ANNE: That's an interesting idea. It never hurts to be prepared.

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest your response to the gentleman who was trying to convince family and friends to complete a living will before they need one. As a nurse for many years, I concur wholeheartedly. No one wakes up in the morning planning to have an accident, or a heart attack, or some other life-threatening condition. Too many times, doctors and nurses are faced with a family divided on what they "think" our patient would want -- or not want. Combine this with the shock and grief these people are experiencing, and the situation becomes volatile. -- FORMER SURGICAL NURSE, VIRGINIA BEACH, VA.

DEAR FORMER NURSE: Thank you for speaking from the perspective of someone who has been in the trenches and seen it firsthand.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading your comments to "Concerned Friend." They come on the heels of my recent experience of the last two weeks. My apparently healthy husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer three weeks ago. I have spent a harrowing 10 days trying to get all the necessary documents drafted and finalized. I needed the services of an attorney to make sure all the paperwork was done correctly.

I have also discovered that our finances are a mess. This was always my husband's job, and I trusted what he said. He had been feeling tired in the last few months, but assured me that he had taken care of all the bills. Well, he hadn't. Fixing this is another nightmare yet to come.

My advice to your readers: Listen to Dear Abby.

By the way, my husband is only 56. We never thought things would be this way. -- GRIEVING IN SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR GRIEVING: When I called you to discuss your letter, I was shocked to learn that your husband had already died. Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. If your experience doesn't galvanize people to action, nothing will.

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