DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my mid-20s with a B.A. degree and a full-time job. My parents refuse to accept that a self-supporting woman my age can be happy. They keep pestering me to find a boyfriend, get married and have children. I have calmly explained to my mother that I'm in no rush to settle down -- but she says if I "really loved her," I'd find a man to take care of me so she wouldn't have to worry.

My older brother followed my parents' wishes when he was my age. Now I am the "bad child" for refusing to conform.

Ever since I was a child, I have put money into a savings account and -- little by little -- it has become a large sum. I would like to use that money to further my education, but my parents have denied me access to it. They claim that when I marry, the funds will be my "dowry" to buy a house.

Abby, I don't want to cut off my family, but they aren't willing to accept me without a man to make me "complete." How can I get through to them that my goals in life are different from theirs? -- SINGLE AND HAPPY IN OHIO

DEAR S AND H: Your parents' thinking appears to be stuck in a time warp. A life partner can be wonderful, but it's no guarantee of happiness or security. Witness the number of marriages that fail and the number of households headed by single mothers who struggle to make ends meet.

You should contact the bank manager and find out how your account was set up and how you can access it now. Your parents should not hold your money hostage. If you wish to use it to further your education, you should be free to do so. (I assume that the salary you earn now is banked in your name only.)

You weren't put on the Earth to make your parents' dreams come true. As parents, it's their job to help you be the best that you can be. They should thank their lucky stars that you are self-supporting and motivated to do even better. Many parents would be proud to have a daughter like you.

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and my best friend is named "Amanda." One day I went over to another friend's house and Amanda got very mad at me for it. She decided to get me in trouble, so she told my mom that I smoked cigarettes, drank beer and did drugs. It was a lie.

It has been nearly two months since she did it. Now she is e-mailing me and calling me and inviting me over to her house. I don't trust her and I'm tired of being treated like this. What should I do? -- MAD AT AMANDA

DEAR MAD: You now know that Amanda is not above lying to get you in trouble, so keep her at a distance. It shouldn't be difficult -- you already have a two-month head start.

DEAR ABBY: I need your help. I was recently introduced to my boss's mother, who will soon be working with me. I was given her first name by her son, and she also told me her name was "Angela." Should I use her first name, or as a sign of respect call her "Mrs. Jones"? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Since both she and her son gave you her first name, it's probably all right to address her as Angela. However, just to be sure, ask her what she would prefer.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: If a gentleman asks a lady to accompany him to a casino and gives her money to gamble, is it proper for him to insist that she split her winnings with him? This happened to me recently.

Even before the $1,000 credits were finished rolling, my date called out that it was a 50/50 split. Most of my friends felt it was highly inappropriate, and that I should have been entitled to my entire jackpot.

I would have preferred being given the chance to make up my own mind about whether I wished to share my winnings. My friends also pointed out that this man makes four times the money I do and should have been more generous.

Do you think my friends were right? At first I was just a little bit irritated. Now I feel taken advantage of. -- SHORTCHANGED IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR SHORTCHANGED: Considering the fact that your date advanced the money that brought your windfall, I'd say you are 100 percent ahead of where you would be had he not been so generous. You may feel offended at his sense of entitlement, but a lady would have offered to share.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old woman who has never been married. My boyfriend, "Mickey," recently proposed and I accepted. We're planning a small wedding in about four months. It's a first marriage for both of us.

I have two small dogs whom I adore. Their names are Melody and Harmony. Mickey insists that I get rid of one of them and that I am immature for wanting to keep both.

I explained that Melody and Harmony were around before he was, and I can't give up either one. He knew about them before we began dating.

They are not outdoor pets. I keep them very clean and do not see what the problem is. Melody and Harmony both have been through basic dog training and are well-behaved.

I am disturbed that, knowing how much I care for them, he would ask such a thing. We seem unable to reach an agreement about this. I love Mickey dearly and know he loves me, too. How can we resolve this? -- BROKENHEARTED IN PEORIA, ARIZ.

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: What your fiance is suggesting is a very poor start for a marriage. If you cave in to these demands, you will never forgive yourself -- and it will only be the beginning of what he will want you to sacrifice. My advice to you is to postpone the wedding until your fiance can find enough love in his heart for the three of you, because you are a package deal.

DEAR ABBY: Please tell people that when shaking hands, not to "squeeze" a person's hand hard. I have arthritis in my hands and it hurts so bad when some people shake my hand. Just a gentle shake is sufficient. Please print this. -- SORE HAND IN PILGRIM, KY.

DEAR SORE: A person can shake your hand only if you extend it. The next time you're in a social situation and someone extends his or her hand -- smile, reach out and touch the person on the upper arm and say, "I'd shake your hand, but I can't because I have arthritis."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to "The Girlfriend," who is having problems because of nasty comments from her boyfriend's mother.

I know all too well the damage that can result from such a situation. For 15 years, I endured potshots from the mother-in-law from hell. She ended up talking to my now 16-year-old daughter (her granddaughter) the same way she had talked to me. After 13 years of staying on the sidelines, my husband finally told her to lay off. Of course, by then our marriage was almost over. Ironically, our divorce was finalized on my former mother-in-law's birthday -- a fact from which I'm sure she got great pleasure.

My advice to "Girlfriend" is to check her boyfriend carefully for apron strings before tying the knot with him. If he's afraid to speak in her defense, perhaps he is no more ready for marriage than his mother wishes him to be. -- WISER NOW IN WICHITA

DEAR WISER NOW: Thank you for sharing your own experience, and for pointing out that if verbal abuse is tolerated, the acid can spill over and damage innocent bystanders. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My advice to "The Girlfriend" is to deal with those cutting remarks from her boyfriend's mother by herself.

When the mother criticizes her manner of dress, she should say something like, "Oh! You've hurt my feelings. I would never think of criticizing how YOU dress," and then change the subject. Under no circumstances should she allow herself to be drawn into an argument. If the mother criticizes her cooking, she should say, "I tried so hard to please you. I'm sorry you don't like it. The next time we have dinner with you, we'll come to your house and you can cook or take us out." Do not cry, become hysterical or critical of her. You'll be surprised what you can accomplish if you refuse to be baited or put on the defensive.

One last thing: Explain to your future husband how you will handle his mother after you are married. You will not give her a house key, you'll expect her to call before she comes over, you will control how often you see her and when she will see the grandchildren, and you will not tolerate any marital interference. -- QUEEN OF MY OWN HOUSEHOLD, COSTA MESA, CALIF.

DEAR QUEEN: Something tells me your mother-in-law had a rude awakening when she found out who rules your roost.

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "The Girlfriend" was right on the money. I hope she commands the respect she deserves, and walks away if "Roy" doesn't make it plain that she must be treated with respect.

If her boyfriend won't stand up for her now, believe me, he never will. She can save herself years of grief if she wakes up to the fact that there are real men out there who are willing to love and respect a woman and treat her as an equal partner. I found one, and so will she. -- STANDING TALL, STRATFORD, CONN.

DEAR STANDING TALL: What you said is true. A healthy marriage is a partnership, in every sense of the word.