DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Ron," and I have been together for six years and have lived together for two. We are planning to be married.

I work close to home and sometimes Ron meets me for lunch nearby. When he drops me off, he insists on kissing me in the car in front of the building, a long, lingering tongue kiss. I think it is inappropriate, because my bosses and co-workers have windows right there, and there are often clients outside.

When I try to pull away, or explain why it makes me uncomfortable, Ron gets upset and says I must be ashamed of him or something. That's not true! I would simply rather keep such displays of affection confined to our house, or at least away from my workplace. Am I wrong? -- EMBARRASSED IN BOSTON

DEAR EMBARRASSED: You are right to be embarrassed. What your boyfriend is doing isn't showing affection; it is displaying the extent of his insecurity. By kissing you in such an inappropriate way, he is trying to show others the control he has over you. To insist on doing it after you have told him it makes you uncomfortable is insensitive, immature and disrespectful of your feelings. Please consider putting marriage on "hold" until your boyfriend grows up, which may be never.

DEAR ABBY: I am divorced and the father of two girls, ages 6 and 5. I am actively involved in their lives. My ex-wife, "Erin," is a teacher, so I pick the kids up from school and watch them until dinner every night.

Erin and I separated in 2001. She started dating the following July, and by August, my 6-year-old told me that Mom's "friend from high school" was sleeping in her bed and taking showers in the morning.

I was furious. I told Erin that what she did when I had the kids was her business. But when the kids were with her, her boyfriend should not spend the night. She told me her bedroom was no longer any of my business. The sleepovers continued, and in November, Erin informed me that her boyfriend had officially moved in. She claims that this is a loving and committed relationship -- but they have broken up twice that I know of in the past six months.

I am legally powerless to fight this, but I think that in addition to being confusing and unsettling for our daughters, Erin is setting a bad example.

What is your opinion, Abby? Do you feel (as Erin maintains steadfastly) that she is doing "nothing wrong"? -- LEGALLY POWERLESS IN NEW YORK

DEAR POWERLESS: No, I do not. Your ex-wife is setting a bad example and sending a poor message to her impressionable daughters. When the girls are older, Erin may come to regret her stance on this. Although you are legally powerless in this situation, I hope that you will continue to be a stabilizing influence in your daughters' lives, because it appears they are going to need one.

DEAR ABBY: I am married, with a 12-year-old daughter. We share a three-bedroom apartment with a lady who is a friend of the family. She is always doing dishes, even though I have repeatedly requested that she not do so.

When she does the dishes, more than half of them are still dirty. What should I do about this? Continue to rewash them? It seems like a waste of effort and water. -- FRUSTRATED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Try this: Assign another chore to this well-intentioned but vision-challenged lady. That way she will feel like she's doing something useful -- and you won't have to worry about sanitation.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing regarding your reply to "Needs More," whose sexual appetite is bigger than her fiance's. You advised her not to marry him because of it. I disagree.

I have been married to a wonderful man for three years. Had I let our differing drives stop me from marrying him, I would have missed out on a loving, mature, attentive husband and father to our children. I actually think I have it better than many women out there whose husbands demand sex daily.

There is more to a relationship than sex. My husband shows me love and affection in hundreds of other ways. Perhaps "Needs More" should take a closer look at their relationship. If sex is the only thing lacking, other ways of physically expressing love -- like hugging, holding hands and kissing -- could be substituted. If she nurtures her relationship in all the other ways, she may find, as I have, that his desire grows in time. Libido fades with age; love does not. -- SATISFIED IN ALL WAYS IN KNOXVILLE

DEAR SATISFIED: You and your husband have been able to negotiate past your differences and make your marriage a fulfilling one. That is not the case with many of the wives and husbands who write to me. Sometimes I wish I could run a dating service for all of the mismatched couples who feel sad, frustrated, isolated and unattractive to the person they love. The reasons for a low sex drive can vary. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My second wife found herself with a far stronger libido than I could match. This, of course, left me with a lot of disappointment. She, a nurse, said, "Off to the doctor with you!" The doctor said, "Let's do some lab work." Sure enough, there was a little brain chemistry issue I needed to deal with. I am now on medication, which solved our problem. -- HAPPIER NOW IN KANSAS CITY

DEAR HAPPIER NOW: I'm pleased that your problem was resolved. Thank you for pointing out that a low sex drive may be an indication of a medical problem.

DEAR ABBY: That letter from "Needs More" could have been written by me 20 years ago. I married my best friend, who also had very little interest in sex. During our six-year marriage we argued frequently and I felt more and more undesirable. When I finally found the strength to leave the marriage, it broke both our hearts.

Two years later, my ex realized that he was gay. It made so much sense in retrospect. I agree with the advice you gave "Needs More." She should keep her fiance as a friend, but she should not marry him. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR BEEN THERE: Thank you for sharing your experience. The mail I have received from readers has been divided on this issue. About one-third came from women, like yourself, whose husbands turned out to be gay. Another third said the problem had been caused by a hormonal or chemical imbalance or depression, which had been successfully treated. The rest felt I should reconsider my advice:

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have learned that with open communication, compromise and respect, we can work through this difference. Intimacy, although important, is only one part of marriage. Because people are different does not mean they should not marry. Marriage is the union of two individuals, not two identical people. Please reconsider your advice to "Needs More." -- FEELING FRISKY IN FRISCO, TEXAS

DEAR FEELING FRISKY: Although I admire your level of maturity, I think I'll stand pat with my answer.

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DEAR ABBY: I am 16 years old and a ward of the court. I have a horrible social worker who never looks at any of the positive things I do. I have good grades and barely ever do anything wrong. Recently I have been doing things that they call "acting out." I am not acting out!

At our last court appearance, her report stated that I'm a juvenile delinquent who is in need of serious help. I am consistently told by the people at the group home where I live that I am none of those things.

How do I tell my social worker that she needs to see the positive things I am doing and not just look at the negative? Please help me. I am going nuts. I need to know if it is me or her. -- CONFUSED IN REDWOOD CITY, CALIF.

DEAR CONFUSED: It's possible that the problem isn't all yours or all hers, but a combination of both. The caseload social workers must manage these days is overwhelming, which means that, much as they might wish otherwise, they are often unable to give each client a lot of personal attention.

"Acting out" is misbehaving and expressing angry feelings in inappropriate ways. When a child is separated from home, school, family and friends, that's a good reason to be angry. However, if you and the people at your group home feel that the social worker is mistaken, then the administrator should write a letter to the court explaining that fact. I'm sure the judge would take it into consideration. (I know I would.)

P.S. If the social worker thinks you need "serious help" -- which I assume to mean psychological counseling -- go for it. Almost everyone can benefit from having a trained person listen to his or her concerns, pains and problems. It is considered to be a huge benefit, not a punishment.

DEAR ABBY: What is the rule of etiquette concerning guest lists that include both friends and co-workers? Does one have to invite all co-workers to a private/personal function, or can a select handful of co-workers be invited? -- NEEDS ADVICE, LATHAM, N.Y.

DEAR NEEDS ADVICE: Much depends upon the size of your office, how many co-workers you plan to ask, and what percentage will be excluded. If you invite only a few co-workers, it's important that you not offend the rest. This can be accomplished by keeping the invitation private, separate from work, and confidential. However, if you plan to invite the majority and exclude only a few, there are bound to be hurt feelings and you could create unnecessary tensions, so I advise against it.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)